Category: Uncategorized

18 Jun

Provident Strasmania

Today was one of those days that just worked out well.

I did some work at my parents’ house and disposed of some old paint and other chemicals that had been sitting in their garage for a long time. Both went very smoothly.

Then I went to a baseball game, where I saw Washington Nationals phenom Stephen Strasburg strike out 10 hitters in seven strong innings of work. Here’s some visual evidence of his awesomeness:

The game went into extra innings, which led to a really entertaining moment from the woman in the white sleeveless shirt on the left of that picture. Between innings she stood up and took a picture of the guy playing the organ, who was in a suite to our right. Then she gave him a standing ovation and yelled “yaaaaay organ player!”

Certainly a new experience for me.

The game wrapped up in time for us to get back to our local Taco Bell before they closed. I decided on the train ride home to get an enchirito, which I had not ordered in years.

Roommate CA went to the game with me, and we miscalculated his Metro fare by a mere 10 cents. I gave him a dollar for the exit fare and got my 90 cents in change back. My Taco Bell order of a Mexican pizza, enchirito and large cherry Pepsi came to the nice, round amount of $6.90. Providence? I think so.

As for the game itself, it was pretty solid even though the Nats lost. Strasburg brought a level of excitement I have never seen at a Washington baseball game, and certainly delivered on the hype. It’s a shame the offense couldn’t get him a few runs to go along with his effort.

CA and I had to get up roughly 32489097 times to let people in and out of our row, which led us to what may be our greatest creation–Flextions.

A flextion is a section of the stadium that is designated for those people who seem to be constantly getting out of their seat for one reason or another. In any section at any sporting event there always seems to be those 5-10 people who keep getting up, while the majority sits in their seat the entire game.

The solution is to put all of those people together, making it more relaxing for the rest of us. It also means they don’t have to step over those people who are sitting, making it easier to take care of whatever business they require. Plus it would be really entertaining to see 10 full sections of people get up and leave their seats all at the same time.

We figured a ratio of one flextion to six regular sections would be appropriate. If there are not enough people to fill a flextion, others can move into those seats (thus the “flex” part).

To make it seem less like we are herding the people away, the flextions will be located right next to bathrooms and concessions so those getting up can quickly get to wherever they are going.

Fans with kids are automatically put into the flextion since they are guaranteed to be frequent movers. Others are honest about their game-watching habits and request to be part of those sections, which as discussed earlier will only enhance their game experience.

I’m sure there are some holes in the plan, but it has to be a start.

We also decided on the train ride home that no person older than 13 should be allowed to carry a glove to a baseball game. You are probably not going to catch a ball, and if one does happen to come your way, man up and use your hands.

Heading to another game tomorrow afternoon with a much different perspective out in center field. Let’s Go Nats!

By cjhannas baseball Taco Bell Uncategorized
17 Jun

The Right to Cinnabon

All malls in the United States of America should be legally required to have a Cinnabon.

I mean, how can you properly shop if you don’t have the prospect of a warm, gooey, sugary delight waiting just around the corner? It shouldn’t be allowed.

One of my roommates told me last night that the Cinnabon at Fair Oaks Mall had closed. The company’s website still lists the location, but for the sake of argument we’ll take his word for it.

Granted, Fair Oaks is one of three malls I could drive to within 15 minutes. But one of the other malls has never to my knowledge had a Cinnabon, so the shopping-to-deliciousness ratio in this area is taking a huge hit.

While driving home from the grocery store (where we bought ice cream after discovering Chik-Fil-A and its milshakes were closed), we came up with a list of mall must-haves.

Under our proposed legislation, all malls must feature:

-Cinnabon
-Auntie Anne’s
-Sbarro
-Some sort of smoothie place (we’re not picky)
-Sadly these days, Starbucks

That’s the list. You can eat something substantial. You can get a quick sugary snack. You can wash it down with something fruity and cold. You can get a jolt of something with caffeine. That should be enough to get you through the mall experience.

As a former mall employee (thank you, New Balance), I consider myself an expert in shopping-adjacent eateries. At Tysons Corner Center, the New Balance store is just down the hallway from Cinnabon. The second you step out into the mall, you can’t miss the aroma. It is intoxicating.

They frequently offered a buy two, get one free deal, which I took advantage of on several glorious occasions. Before you question my sanity, I didn’t eat all three of them myself.

Except, of course, if you count the one time that I did.

I wanted to eat two of them and got the third one for another employee to enjoy. For some reason, nobody else in the store wanted to partake in the amazingness that is Cinnabon. My hand forced, I plowed through the first two and continued eating until the third one was polished off. Fortunately I weigh roughly 27 pounds and at the time had a job that required me to be moving around all day, so there were no ill effects. I do wonder what would have happened if I had washed that down with a Mountain Dew.

One of the malls near where I lived in Florida had a Cinnabon, so I guess the greater Jacksonville area is safe. But I just checked the mall down the road from where I went to college in Pennsylvania, and they do not have the required number of cinnamon roll establishments.

Time to step up your game, Selinsgrove.

In totally unrelated news, for those of you who like celebrity gossip or “Dumb & Dumber” quotes, I’ll close with this. It looks like Rachel Bilson’s puzzling engagement to Hayden Christensen may be over. “So you’re saying there’s a chance…”

By cjhannas Cinnabon food mall Uncategorized
16 Jun

Taking the Floris Elementary Stage

In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. Five hundred years later, I was in the 4th grade and landed a prime role in a play about Columbus.

I won’t bury the lede–here’s the video of that sweet production:

The show is called “In Quest of Columbus” and features what I believe is the entire 4th grade at Floris Elementary that year. The real highlight for me comes around the 13:45 mark, where I think I tell the girl standing next to me that I disagree by saying “you’re all wet.” Did this play somehow get set in the 1920s?

I vaguely remember some kind of audition process, and I’m glad I didn’t end up as one of the nameless, Hawaiian shirt-wearing chorus folks. Both of my current roommates suffered that fate, though one of them didn’t even remember he was in the play at all until I explained the whole thing. I just asked the other one, and he didn’t recall it at all.

I think my twin sister is one of the “cabin crew” but I’m not 100 percent on that. Actually, that sounds like a terrible thing to say. Let me look again…There she is! Ok, definitely a pirate. I mean, crew person.

It is interesting to look back at my classmates, with so many of them easily recognizable (probably because we went to the same high school as well). But then there are a bunch of faces that look completely foreign. In my group of “explorers” I can name eight of the other 12 kids. Two look sort of familiar, and I might guess one of their names. Those last two though, I haven’t the foggiest clue where they came from or where they went.

Also note that I may be the fourth tallest one that stage–not a usual sight.

I must say that I nailed the basic requirements of an elementary school actor, mainly that I didn’t say my lines as quickly as humanly possible. I do wave my arms a lot to make emphatic points about every single word I am saying. I guess I thought the audience really needed to pay attention to my message.

Another highlight comes at the 23:30 mark as we wake up in a sort of camp-like scenario. I remember struggling with this first line in rehearsals–there are actual words I was supposed to say but it was to be done in a sort of yawning fashion. It came out as complete nonsense…but it got a laugh!

Alas, there was no Oscar for my performance. Maybe next time.

By cjhannas kids nostalgia Uncategorized video
15 Jun

Peace Be With Yo-ow!

Last Sunday I did something that was totally unprecedented in my life, and I would venture to say yours as well. I injured myself in church.

To make things even better, I injured myself during a portion called the “Passing of the Peace” during which everyone greets those around them and offers a peaceful message.

Usually that involves at minimum a handshake, and being the happening young chap that I am, I have a sweet handshake ritual with one of my usual pew compatriots. It took me a little while of Googling to figure out just how to describe this handshake, but I have settled on “pound explode.”

If you’re unfamiliar, it involves a few easy steps. First, each person makes a fist, with one holding there’s a foot or two above the other’s. The top person moves their hand down as the bottom person’s goes up until the two hit. Then immediately reverse roles (top person moves down, hits, then moves back up to hit again). Finish it off by doing a standard fist bump and then immediately opening your hand as if the incredible impact has created an explosion. The last part is seen multiple times in this video.

The result is usually awe from those around you. This time, it led to this:

Maybe I should avoid doing this ritual with people who wear rings. I just hope I can heal in time for next week’s service.

Note: Tomorrow’s blog (originally scheduled for today) has the potential to be incredibly entertaining, particularly if you went to school with me in the 4th grade. Stay tuned.

By cjhannas injury Uncategorized
14 Jun

A Lively Evening

Someone asked me yesterday which region of the world I typically cover at work.

I said it depended on who else was working at the time, but that I never did East Asia. Of course I went to work for an overnight shift last night and was assigned to East Asia. Go figure.

At some point I went to the website of Xinhua, an official Chinese government media outlet. I was there to see if they were reporting anything interesting and was surprised to see a link on the front page to a photo gallery of “Men’s Most Desirable Women of 2010.”

I was expecting something more like “Official Resigns Amid Labor Scandal.”

It is encouraging to see that while the Chinese government is less than interested in opening the Internet to its people, they do want citizens to see Blake Lively’s smiling face.

Seems like a good way to keep the people happy.

I would write more, but after the overnight I went home long enough to eat a bowl of cereal and then went to work at the other job. I have been up for 25 hours, and 32 of the past 34.

More developed posts coming for the rest of the week.

By cjhannas Uncategorized
13 Jun

Quickly Now

Finding the time to post something every day has not been too difficult. After all, it doesn’t really take that long.

But today I am losing my evening to work and lost my afternoon to a nap in order to be awake for that work. Given the time crunch, I’ll keep this short.

Here’s the fuel for all of the news stories that will be flying out of my fingers in the coming hours:

In the morning, I will turn to my friend Cocoa Puffs for an energy boost before heading to job No. 2 for Monday. Thankfully this will be the last time I have to eschew sleep in favor of double-shifting between the two jobs.

By cjhannas food Uncategorized
12 Jun

Trying to Make a Difference

There are people in this world who see someone in need of help and walk past. Someone else will help, most of us think.

Then there are those who stop. They ask what’s wrong. They take action.

This weekend I came across two stark examples of how good people trying to better the lives of others can have completely different outcomes. The positive ending came last night with a viewing of “The Blind Side” with a much sadder outcome this morning in the form of a Washington Post story.

“The Blind Side” is one of those films that I found incredibly enjoyable despite the fact that I already read the best-selling book by Michael Lewis. If you are not familiar, the story follows Michael Oher, a black teenager in Memphis who ends up at a mostly-white, private Christian school. He has survived some of the most challenging conditions a child in America can face, including never really knowing his father and spending long stretches in foster homes away from his mother.

He is taken in by a white family who gives him the stability and support he needs to achieve academically and athletically, eventually earning a football scholarship to the University of Mississippi. The story is about football, but more than anything it is about human beings–both the Tuohy family and Oher–opening their hearts to one another.

Not surprisingly, you can’t help but feel optimistic about how we can affect one another in positive ways by the time the movie ends.

That’s how I went to sleep.

This morning I opened the Post to read the story of a Maryland State Trooper who was gunned down in the parking lot of an Applebee’s where he had just finished a shift doing security. Police say the killing stems from an argument with a patron who was removed from the restaurant after refusing to pay his bill.

The story describes the trooper as a young man, 24, who had just asked his girlfriend to marry him and who was scheduled to take a group of kids on a trip to New York. In 2007, he founded an organization that mentors teenagers, takes them on trips and brings in professionals to talk to the kids.

Where the Tuohys were able to overcome difficulties in connecting with an initially reticent kid and the stigmas of their community (rich, white side of town vs. poor, black side), this trooper was senselessly yanked from the lives of kids he was trying to help.

We hear about these kinds of negative outcomes too often, but it is heartening to know that there will always be people trying to help out those who need a hand.

By cjhannas movies Uncategorized
11 Jun

Your Fireworks Are in the Mail

Most people would equate ending up on a mystery mailing list as a bad thing.

You get a few catalogs you don’t want–office supplies, clothing stores you don’t frequent–and wonder why the companies waste their time and yours month after month.

Because of my work as a federal contractor I get lots of mail targeted at my “business.” I hope Comcast one day figures out I do not need their corporate Internet package in order to write news stories from an office in Washington, D.C.

But today I hit the mother lode of random mail. The walk to the mailbox was like so many other days. I slipped on the closest footwear, which happened to be sandals that I rocked despite the fact that I was wearing socks. The neighbors clearly recognize my refined sense of style.

The volume of mail inside our box was pretty typical, three or four letter-size envelopes and a single catalog. The envelopes were pretty boring (thanks Comcast), but the catalog is unlike anything I have ever received in my life.

It is clear the fine folks at Phantom Fireworks do not think my pyrotechnics needs are being met. Or perhaps they heard that my brother Pat and I have been tasked with teaching our forthcoming niece about fireworks (and baseball).

In either case, the pages contain all kinds of fire-based fun that is definitely not legal in my home state of Virginia. That is too bad, since you definitely don’t see things like this in the JCPenney catalog:

The picture is cut off at the bottom, leaving out the part that says your $349.99 gets you 3249 different fireworks. I can’t even fathom how long it would take to light all of that stuff. Fourth of July festivities would last for weeks.

Despite the great deals on supplies to blow up a small part of your yard, the best part about the fireworks catalog is all of the great names given to the different products. Where else can you see things called Fortress of Fire, Untamed Retribution, Wizard of Ahhhs, Cirque de Pyrotechnique or Tiger Fury?

I’m not sure how I ended up on their list, but I sure thank Phantom Fireworks for giving me 20 minutes of enjoyment today.

By cjhannas mail Uncategorized
09 Jun

Time for an Office Exorcism

There are some days you should just push back from your desk, get out of the chair and walk right out the office door.

Today was one of those days, mainly because I think the office at the part-time gig is cursed or otherwise possessed. For some reason just about every piece of equipment we have decided it didn’t want to work, all at the same time.

I wanted to transfer some PAL (foreign format) video tapes to DVD. Shouldn’t have been an issue. We have a VCR that plays the tapes…but of course the capture box wouldn’t even register on the computer.

Time to move onto another project — a seemingly easy request to burn two copies of a DVD photomontage project we did last month. The burner was able to make the discs, but for some reason has decided it will now only print labels all in red ink. Fine, probably not a big deal for the client. Now to make labels to go on the outside of the DVD cases…and we don’t have a single sheet of the correct kind of paper.

Maybe we can capture some audio tapes instead. The reel-to-reel machine works. The mixer works. The computer even recognizes the mixer. The program that actually captures the audio does not show any audio inputs. Le sigh.

Ok, we just got a microcassette tape that needs to be digitized. Hm, that would require the mixer that still has no interest in playing nice.

All of that doesn’t even count the VHS transfer process that was going swimmingly, until my boss’ son turned the computer off.

At least my peanut butter & jelly sandwich was tasty. Here’s to a more productive tomorrow!

By cjhannas technology Uncategorized
08 Jun

Are You a Movie Star?

I am slowly but surely making it through last year’s Oscar nominees for Best Picture.

Last night I watched “An Education,” though I spent 90 percent of the movie trying to figure out why Carey Mulligan looked so familiar. It’s quite possible I have seen her in something else, or maybe I just remember seeing her at the Oscars (where she was nominated for Best Actress).

Hm, I just checked IMDb, and the only other movie of hers that I have seen is “Brothers,” and while that was an excellent film she only had a small role. So we are back to possibly resembling someone I know.

Let’s try something. Go look at yourself in the mirror. Do you look like this?

If so, please let me know. If not, do you know any of my friends who look like that?

As for the movie itself, I thoroughly enjoyed it. That’s not surprising since the screenplay was written by Nick Hornby, the author of several books I have read in the past few years. (From last year, A Long Way Down and from 2008, How to be Good).

In addition to “An Education,” I have also taken in “Up” (fantastic), “Up in the Air” (pretty solid) and “Inglourious Basterds” (also fantastic).

Earlier in the week I watched “Crazy Heart” which was not nominated for Best Picture but did feature Jeff Bridges’ Best Actor performance. Not a huge fan of that movie. It’s possible I was just tired, but I wasn’t the least bit interested in what was going on.

Maybe I will just blame Maggie Gyllenhaal. I didn’t dislike her before, but she probably killed this movie for me. Put in Kate Beckinsale and things may have been different.

By cjhannas movies Uncategorized