Most people would equate ending up on a mystery mailing list as a bad thing.
You get a few catalogs you don’t want–office supplies, clothing stores you don’t frequent–and wonder why the companies waste their time and yours month after month.
Because of my work as a federal contractor I get lots of mail targeted at my “business.” I hope Comcast one day figures out I do not need their corporate Internet package in order to write news stories from an office in Washington, D.C.
But today I hit the mother lode of random mail. The walk to the mailbox was like so many other days. I slipped on the closest footwear, which happened to be sandals that I rocked despite the fact that I was wearing socks. The neighbors clearly recognize my refined sense of style.
The volume of mail inside our box was pretty typical, three or four letter-size envelopes and a single catalog. The envelopes were pretty boring (thanks Comcast), but the catalog is unlike anything I have ever received in my life.
It is clear the fine folks at Phantom Fireworks do not think my pyrotechnics needs are being met. Or perhaps they heard that my brother Pat and I have been tasked with teaching our forthcoming niece about fireworks (and baseball).
In either case, the pages contain all kinds of fire-based fun that is definitely not legal in my home state of Virginia. That is too bad, since you definitely don’t see things like this in the JCPenney catalog:
The picture is cut off at the bottom, leaving out the part that says your $349.99 gets you 3249 different fireworks. I can’t even fathom how long it would take to light all of that stuff. Fourth of July festivities would last for weeks.
Despite the great deals on supplies to blow up a small part of your yard, the best part about the fireworks catalog is all of the great names given to the different products. Where else can you see things called Fortress of Fire, Untamed Retribution, Wizard of Ahhhs, Cirque de Pyrotechnique or Tiger Fury?
I’m not sure how I ended up on their list, but I sure thank Phantom Fireworks for giving me 20 minutes of enjoyment today.