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  • 01 Apr

    Play Ball!

    Get excited, spring is officially here.

    Walking into a baseball stadium yesterday with temperatures around 40 degrees didn’t scream “spring,” but the fact that I was there for Opening Day baseball said otherwise.

    For the second consecutive year, I saw the Washington Nationals open their season along with my brother Pat. For those of you who don’t know him, he looks like this:

    It’s possible that’s not the most representative picture. Lucky for him, this year our mom was around for the game too:

    Oh, and I guess I was there:

    The weather was far from ideal. At one point I had to resort to taking my arms out of the sleeves of my coat and having my brother zip me up like I was in a straight jacket in order to get my hands warms again.

    But there are few better days this time of year than Opening Day. That’s when even Nationals fans can pretend our team has a chance. Mathematically, it’s fun to watch all of the percentage-based statistics like batting average and earned run average that can swing so wildly with such a limited data set.

    Plus there’s just something right about sitting among a crowd, eating a hot dog and watching some baseball.

    I brought along my flip-style camera with the intention of taking lots of video. Due to the frozen nature of my hands, I didn’t get anything past the first inning. But again, with Opening Day there’s a lot said in those first six outs:

    The Atlanta Braves ending up beating the Nationals 2-0, so it was a respectable showing. And at least this year there weren’t legions of annoying Phillies fans around.

    One last comical moment. This game was played in March 2011 — not April — but someone forgot to tell the graphics guy at the stadium:

  • 29 Mar

    I Do Declare

    For a long time I have wanted to enter a professional sports draft.

    I have played a lot of sports in my life and consider myself to be pretty athletic, but I definitely don’t have the ability to be legitimately selected by any self-respecting team.

    My hope was that once in the draft, some team would get lazy and just look at a list of names and say, “What the heck, let’s take this Hannas kid.”

    Last fall, I put this plan into motion. I emailed each of the major U.S. sports leagues (NBA, NFL, MLB, NHL) and asked how to enter their respective drafts.

    I only heard back from the NBA, which responded the next day. They asked me to send my answers to certain questions about my background to this person at their league office in New York. So, in September, I did just that.

    As the months passed, I assumed they had either misplaced my letter or, more likely, figured out that I had no business being in their draft. I had even started to formulate some theories about who may have sent them a tape of my miserable shooting performance on the court behind our house.

    But yesterday I opened the mailbox to find among credit card applications and a Netflix movie a letter from the NBA. It’s been a long time since I’ve been so excited to open a piece of mail. Here’s what they said:

    At first I thought they were wrong about my lack of collegiate eligibility. I played exactly zero combined years at Susquehanna University and the University of Maryland, and thus thought I was still NCAA eligible. I even carefully worded my response to the NBA question about where I had played, saying explicitly only that I had “attended” those schools.

    But after further research, it turns out the rule is you have five years from the time you first enroll at a college or university in which to use up your eligibility.

    While I was hoping to get invited to the draft in New York in June — and yes, I would have gone — it’s nice to know I don’t have to wait that long to chase my NBA dreams.

    Surely some team needs a newly eligible free agent to help finish out their season.

  • 28 Mar

    Defining Content

    In an ongoing effort to make your reading experience better, I have finally put in the effort to tag all of the posts.

    What does that mean? If you look at the bottom of most of the entries, you will see a few keywords related to the text. If you want to see what else I may have written that relates, just click the word and it will bring up all of the similarly tagged posts.

    For example. I had a college roommate named Shawn L. who has appeared in several posts. I’m tagging his name in this one, so you can click on it and see what antics he has been involved in.

    You can also browse just the words themselves.

    If you look on the right side of the page, below the archives is a section of the labels ordered by the frequency in which they appear on the blog. You can see I have posted a lot about Taco Bell, books and working at the mall, but not so much about pandas, Rachel Bilson or Wendy’s.

    Happy reading.

    By cjhannas Uncategorized
  • 26 Mar

    It’s Outta Here

    The forecast for tomorrow includes snow, but the calendar still says baseball’s opening day is next week.

    So what better time to read a book about baseball? In this case, it was “Sixty Feet, Six Inches” — a book that basically follows a conversation between hall-of-famers Bob Gibson and Reggie Jackson.

    The book was a gift from my sister (thanks, Mal!), and I really meant to read it at this time last year. I must have been distracted. Actually, after checking the archives, it looks like I was working on plowing through a 700-page book about basketball.

    For anyone who has played baseball, “Sixty Feet, Six Inches” is a fascinating look inside the minds of people who played the game at its highest level. Jackson tells you what he was thinking as he stepped to the plate in a certain situation, and Gibson counters with his perspective from the mound.

    I knew a bit about Jackson before I read the book, and his portion really just solidified my impression of his supreme confidence in his own ability. Gibson was more of a mystery to me, but I found his insight to be much more interesting. I also learned he once played for the Harlem Globetrotters, who knew?

    Gibson figured out a way for people to endear themselves to me by mentioning one of the finest films of all time. In discussing his pitching motion, Gibson says, “If they would have let me, I’d have loved to back up and run up over the mound like jai alai, like Happy Gilmore hitting a drive.”

    I see no problems with this.

    He also had great insight on why baseball players — especially pitchers — should hustle on every play. A reporter asked why Gibson ran hard to first base whenever he hit the ball, when many other pitchers just jogged lightly assuming they would be thrown out.

    “You know, I run three times a game from home to first, less than twice a week,” Gibson said. “Why can’t I run hard?”

    Another interesting aspect of the book is that even with all of the games these guys played in their lives, they could recall certain at-bats with incredible detail. Now, I have no way of verifying if they are remembering correctly, or if the details were added later, but I definitely know what it’s like to have something like this story from Jackson stick in your mind:

    “I got it one-and-one, but the pitch was ball two and they took the sign off. Then [pitcher Reggie] Cleveland left a slider over the plate a little bit.” Jackson hit it for a home run.

    As your probably assumed by now, I played a bit of baseball when I was growing up. During the summer I played on all-star teams that would travel to different tournaments, mostly in Virginia.

    Here’s 10-year-old me during one of those summers. Note the awesome red cleats:

    A few years after that, when I was 12, my team played in a tournament in Staunton, Va. I didn’t play a whole lot that summer, but in the bottom of the fifth inning I was called into a game to pinch hit.

    Just like Jackson, I remember the little details of that at-bat. The bases were loaded and we were losing by three runs. With a count of two balls and two strikes, the pitcher bounced a curveball in the dirt — full count.

    The opposing coach called timeout to go talk to his pitcher. I jogged down to talk to our third base coach, who basically told me that if I got a hit here, I would probably get to play more. No pressure or anything.

    I stepped back to the plate. The pitcher threw another curveball, this one starting over the plate and diving down and in — the absolute perfect spot for my swing. I hit a line drive over the right field fence. It was my first home run, a grand slam that won the game.

    I have that ball sitting on a shelf in my bedroom.

    Happy spring.

  • 24 Mar

    Mega Money

    If you want some of my future wealth, you should ask now.

    I don’t want to be one of those people who wins the lottery and all of a sudden has a bunch of new friends and “cousins” looking for a piece of the pie. Your request will be denied.

    I mention this now because I am about to take part in my first and last attempt at amassing mass fortune with absolutely no effort.

    A few months ago, AV and I were talking about various entrepreneurial ventures for which we had ideas but no funding. I may have suggested helpful things like robbing banks or starting a pyramid scheme, but she had a better idea: “We’re playing Mega Millions.”

    Of course, if you’re going to play the lottery, you need a plan. We have a few simple rules for our attempt. First, we’re making one try — no continually chasing long odds for us (though we later amended that to each one of us buying tickets once, so two total attempts). Second, we decided to play only when the jackpot got above $75 million. Friday’s drawing is for a mere $312 million.

    And then there are the numbers.

    We decided since we are only playing one time, we could go ahead and come up with two sets of numbers. They include things like our ages, her lucky number, a lucky number she picked for me, part of my parents’ garage code and the season number from the Simpsons DVD set I was watching at the time.


    Our magic formula is secret

    So here’s the deal. On the extremely improbably chance we win on Friday (or Tuesday), you better get in your funding request now.

    One in 175 million odds don’t come around every day.

  • 24 Mar

    And You May Ask Yourself, How Did I Get Here?

    If you have been reading for a while, you may know this blog started on MySpace — which I’m told at least one person still uses — before moving to its current location.

    This set of posts dates back to mid-2005, but really the groundwork goes back a bit further to some things many of you don’t know about.

    Most writers have a distinct style you can pick out if you read enough of their stuff, and what you might call my “voice” really started during my junior year of college when I took over writing the weekly sports column in our school newspaper. It was a space where I could write about pretty much whatever I wanted, and experiment with different ways of breaking rules English teachers had drilled into my head.

    Two years of that column produced some of what you might expect, and some slightly different stuff.

    But I guess we can actually take one more step back, to my freshman year of college. That’s when I started my first website on GeoCities (which I’m sure nobody still uses). It was called The Ert Movement, and basically sprang from the idea that if something can be inert, why can’t the opposite be ert? The overall content is, admittedly, a bit ridiculous, but it was another place where I could experiment with a different writing style and see what this whole Internet thing was about.

    The Ert site eventually became a “real” website when my brother and I bought a domain and started using a web hosting service.

    Later, I used the same host to store most of the pictures you see here on the blog. Sorry to anyone who was looking through the archives in the past few weeks — we changed hosts and the pictures were down for a little while. But we’re back, so no more blank boxes.

    The Ert site, which is still up for those who want some interesting reading, has a section called “Journals.” The posts are short, sometimes crazy, and a few of the later ones are actually represented here as well. Towards the end of actually updating the site, I got really lazy and just had my brother post some of the latest blog entries so we had something “fresh.”

    But if you read some of the journals, I think you can see the very beginnings of what has evolved here. Here are a few quick favorites:

    Soda cans + college kids + hot glue = masterpiece

    Non-power windows confuse a nice young woman

    In graduate school, I had to make a personal website for an online journalism class. The main part of the exercise was posting a personal story, which in my case was about my grandmother who had died a few months earlier. I later added a longer story — one of my better ones — about a family at our church who lost their mother to brain cancer, which I had written for a college feature writing class. The site also has a section of quick stories I wrote during a trip into Washington, D.C., one day that involved picking out a person I saw and making up their story.

    So add up all those things, plus newspaper and magazine articles, and the countless TV/radio/web news scripts I have written professionally, and here we are.

    Hopefully a few people have enjoyed reading.

  • 17 Mar

    Kids These Days

    I fear for our future.

    That’s not based on any 2012 apocalyptic scenarios or the coming pollen season, but rather what I have observed with today’s youth.

    I posted a pair of stories related to this topic a few years ago — one about a kid who failed at using a rolling backpack and one I saw eating grass in a high horse-traffic area.

    Today, I saw another disturbing sight while driving home from work.

    On a two-lane road, I came up to a line of cars that had stopped for a school bus. I looked to the left of the bus just in time to see a kid emerge from inside a van parked at the top of a driveway and run onto the bus. As the bus pulled away, the van drove down the driveway back to the house about 200 feet away.

    I drove on, and my sleep-deprived brain slowly started to put the situation together. A parent had loaded their child into a van, driven them to the top of their driveway 200 feet away and waited there for the bus to come.

    Have kids become that soft? They can’t walk to a bus stop 200 feet away and wait outside in 50-degree weather?

    My elementary school was almost a mile from my house, and I walked to and from school all the time. Sometimes I rode my bike…while carrying a violin case. The weather didn’t matter.

    Of course, maybe that just makes me one of those geezers talking about going five miles through knee-deep snow uphill both ways.

    By cjhannas kids Uncategorized
  • 11 Mar

    What Friends Are For

    Don’t say I never did anything for you.

    I posted a few weeks ago about my aversion to shaving, but also my bigger dislike of the effects of not shaving. Of course, your comments here, on Facebook and Twitter were all in favor of me growing a beard anyway.

    Thanks.

    So in the spirit of peer pressure I skipped shaving for 10 solid days, and ended up with this:

    Excuse that it looks like I have been up all night, because, well, I had been. I took this picture as soon as I got home from work, and promptly got to removing what felt like a small woodland creature slowly taking residence on my face. I think if I had waited another day I would have been required to give it a name.

    The experience was just as I had remembered the last time I decided to let the beard grow. At the end I thought, “Why did I do this?”

    And that’s exactly what I will think next time.

    By cjhannas beard Uncategorized
  • 05 Mar

    Brave New World

    Whenever I go to a bookstore I inevitably walk past a few books I’ve looked at a dozen times but never brought home.

    I even think to myself, “I’ve looked at this a dozen times, I should probably just go ahead and read it.” And then I put it down, walk away and get something else.

    I am happy to report that Aldous Huxley’s “Brave New World” will no longer be one of those books.

    If you’re not familiar, “Brave New World” is in the same vein as “1984” and “Fahrenheit 451” — stories that see a future world controlled to an exceptional degree by a government. In my post about “Fahrenheit 451” I mentioned that author Ray Bradbury explained “1984” as author George Orwell tackling the implications of governmental control while he deals with the societal fallout.

    Bradbury writes about a government that bans books in order to deny its people information. Orwell’s government changes the information to suit its present needs. Huxley’s government manipulates its people from birth such that it is unnecessary to worry about history. The past is banned and irrelevant, pushed aside for a world of newness and consumption.

    I’m always a fan of editions that include extra notes about the story or the author. They help put things in context of the time (“Brave New World” was first published in 1932) and often include primary sources from the author.

    My copy of this book has a letter Huxley wrote to Orwell in October 1949, a few months after “1984” was published. Huxley thanks Orwell for sending him a copy of the book, then spends the entire letter explaining how Orwell’s version of a controlling future government is “unlikely.” He sees his story as an evolution of the Big Brother regime.

    “I feel that the nightmare of 1984 is destined to modulate into the nightmare of a world having more resemblance to that world I imagined in Brave New World.”

    The letter comes off almost condescending and mean-spirited, but Huxley at least ends on a positive note:

    “Of course, there may be a large scale biological and atomic war–in which case we shall have nightmares of other and scarcely imaginable kinds.”

    In Huxley’s world, children are manufactured through a highly efficient process that creates distinct classes with specific characteristics. The one thing the vast majority of people share is an unquestioning adherence to all of the mantras that have been systematically drilled into their heads since birth.

    The system creates a world where dissent doesn’t have to be squelched — it’s non-existent. Everyone has a job perfectly fitted to their abilities and is happy in the simplicity of having everything they believe they want.

    The leader explains, “They’re so conditioned that they practically can’t help behaving as they ought to behave.”

    There’s no need for Orwell’s Thought Police when the citizens instinctively do what is desired of them.

    When reading these “futuristic” books written long in our past, it’s hard not to think about what the author may have gotten right. One tool of social engineering the “Brave New World” government uses is soma, a hallucinogenic drug that will turn any frown upside down. People who feel the least bit of anxiety, fear or sadness say one of the soma-related slogans to themselves as if they instinctively know the drug will solve their problem:

    “Half a gramme for a half-holiday, a gramme for a week-end, two grammes for a trip to the gorgeous East, three for a dark eternity on the moon…”

    Many of the workers get a daily ration as soon as their shift is over. Huxley describes the scene of one group waiting in line for their soma, and the crusading figure who attempts to disrupt the ritual and break the government’s spell.

    I couldn’t help but compare them to a Black Friday crowd waiting for a store to open. The ritual, the thing they need, will be theirs if they wait in this line. As long as everything goes according to plan, everyone is calm and continues to be happy.

    At the soma line, the character muscles his way to the front. He grabs the daily ration and throws it on the ground. All hell breaks loose.

    At Wal-Mart, flatscreen TVs are 70 percent off. The minutes count down as the store prepares to open. The crowd slowly pushes towards the door in anticipation. An employee unlocks one door and swings it open. The front of the line walks in calmy, or rather tries to. The people in the back want those TVs — need them. They surge. In our world, unlike Huxley’s, there’s no police force on hand to spray a calming gas on the crowd.

    Nah, that could never happen.

    By cjhannas books Uncategorized
  • 03 Mar

    Yeah, There’s an App for That

    I love technology, but things may be getting a bit out of hand.

    A lot of video games have advertisements designed into them — billboards you drive past, some kind of statistic brought to you by Company X or the signs at a sports arena.

    It used to be that these were completely made up, generic products that just helped to give the scenes a little more feel of reality. You might see Joe’s car repair, King brand hot dogs or A-1 Auto Insurance.

    But now, games have real ads, and because the systems can connect to the Internet, those ads can regularly change.

    Take the EA Sports hockey game I have for the Playstation 3. I grabbed a picture of the boards this morning as an example:

    That’s a T-mobile ad, and yes if you had taken the time to pause the game and type in the link the website does exist.

    But that’s nothing.

    A new(ish) tool in advertising are these things called QR codes, which are square bar codes you can scan with your smartphone. All you need is a simple app, scan the code, and it will take you to a website for whatever product or company.

    So imagine my suprise when I was playing the hockey game and saw one of the QR codes in a Subway ad along the boards. I didn’t take a picture at the time, but I roughly recreated it:

    Think about the strategy that went into this ad. Subway is banking on the fact that I will notice it, recognize what the QR code is, own a smartphone, have a bar code scanner app, and take the time to pause the game and line the screen up just right — all so I can visit the website they set up for this promotion.

    (Nerd alert: The QR code I recreated will actually take you to the Subway promotion site)

    That’s some incredible technology. Whether we need it is another question.

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