Taco Bell

  • 27 Mar

    World’s Best Taco

    Guys, congratulations, we did it.  We have hit the pinnacle of human society.  There will be no greater achievements from here on out.  Kick back, grab a drink, let your belt out a few notches and take some time bask in what we have made here.

    The true innovative catalyst for this declaration?  That, of course, would be Taco Bell and this:

    When Taco Bell starts offering breakfast tacos, I make a video to capture the experience:

    If you happen to be super smart and think you have something better for humanity, by all means go out an invent it.  Just don’t blame me for doubting that you can deliver.

  • 08 Mar

    Eating at the Cool Ranch

    The first day of the rest of my life finally arrived.

    Last night, I went through the Taco Bell drive-thru and ordered a single item.  I gave the nice woman at the window $1.44.  She reached back through and handed me this:

    That, if you can’t tell, is a Cool Ranch Doritos taco shell.  It’s everything I dreamed it could be.  Now I just need to find a way to convince them to use these shells to make me a Mexican pizza.

    If the people at Taco Bell corporate headquarters are reading, you can go ahead and pencil in a few extra million dollars for your next quarterly earnings.  If anyone with a few million dollars to spare is reading, I’m going to need a taco loan.

    Also, remember when this Doritos flavor was awkwardly called “Cooler Ranch?”  Glad we got that fixed.

    By cjhannas Taco Bell Uncategorized
  • 07 Feb

    Cool Ranch Soon

    Taco Bell is toying with me.

    My love for all things Taco Bell is no secret, and their addition of the taco with a Doritos shell was one of the great moments of 2012.  I wrote at the time how amazing it would be to have a Cool Ranch flavor, which the company has announced is on the way.

    During Sunday’s Super Bowl, Doritos ran a number of commercials, leading to this exchange on Twitter:

    @cjhannas Here you go: …obellhaveacoolranchdoritostacoyet.com
    — TACO BELL (@TacoBell) February 4, 2013

    Yes, Taco Bell set up a simple, ridiculous website to say the Cool Ranch tacos are coming soon.

    In fact, they didn’t stop there.  I scrolled through their Twitter feed and found they responded to a bunch of people that night, with at least THREE MORE of those websites:

    AreDoritosCoolRanchTacosReal.com
    IsTheTacoBellCoolRanchTacoOutYet.com
    CanIEatACoolRanchTacoYet.com

    Naturally, I applaud this effort.  If only they would actually say when I will be able to realize my Cool Ranch taco dreams.  I have a life to plan.

    [UPDATE: March 7 is the magical day.]

  • 09 Jun

    Drop Dead Healthy

    It’s not often I read a book that ends up having a tangible, practical benefit on my life, but “Drop Dead Healthy: One Man’s Humble Quest for Bodily Perfection” by A.J. Jacobs may be helping me sleep.

    The book is about the roughly two years he spent focusing on his health, one part of the body at a time, taking in advice and research from different viewpoints in search of prolonging and improving his life.

    I read two of his previous books — The Year of Living Biblically and The Know-It All — both of which I thoroughly enjoyed.

    In a chapter on sleep, Jacobs writes that on the advice of a sleep specialist, he attacked insomnia by counting backward by threes.  He described the strategy as “just challenging enough that it keeps my interest, and boring enough that it puts me to sleep.”  Since reading this section about a week ago, I’ve been trying this method, and even with limited data, I think it works.

    Jacobs describes his methodology in each section, detailing which experts he talks to and which schools of thought have been debunked by science.  He tries to follow the conclusions of widely accepted studies, but as he points out, every day we hear about a new one that can take precedence in our minds:  “Our brains are unduly drawn to whatever yesterday’s study revealed — look at that!  bacon IS healthy — especially if the conclusion is surprising and counter-intuitive and delicious.”

    You’re much more likely to believe in studies about red wine lowering the risk of heart disease if you already drink two glasses a night.

    Of course for me, the crowning jewel of medical research would be a study saying the Taco Bell Drive-Thru Diet is the greatest thing ever.  While my results show it is amazing, Jacobs notes this is not one he sampled during his month focused on nutrition.

    But even some of the things he mentions give me hope that while not perfect, I have some healthy habits.  He notes the benefits of video games on eyesight, and that tapping your leg (which I do all the time) “can help cardiovascular fitness.”

    In a chapter on breathing, he cites the Harvard Medical School Guide to Stress Management, which says having a “washboard stomach” encourages people to constrict their stomach muscles, adding tension and anxiety that makes them breath improperly.

    I knew there was a reason I avoided all those ab workouts.

    While he tries out a lot of seemingly extreme steps — like wearing noise-canceling headphones for many hours of the day and walking on a treadmill while he works (which I would try)  — his general conclusion is that while we can all do a lot of things better, moderation is a great thing.

    A very interesting read if you want to be a little more aware of your body, even if you’re not looking for a major life overhaul.

  • 24 May

    Bell-ting Out The Hits

    In this world, there are good ideas and there are great ideas.

    Taco Bell making a taco shell out of Doritos was a good idea.  Asking them to use the Doritos taco shell in a cheesy gordita crunch (taco wrapped in a gordita) was a great idea, though unfortunately one for which I cannot take credit.  That goes to visionary roommate CA.

    I was pleasantly surprised at how smoothly Taco Bell took my request.  A couple of extra taps on the order screen and they swapped out one type of taco shell for another.

    The result is glorious and certainly worth the extra 30 cents.

    Now if they could just make a Doritos Mexican pizza.

    By cjhannas Taco Bell Uncategorized
  • 03 Apr

    Do the Right Thing, Taco Bell

    This an open letter to the fine people at Taco Bell.

    Dear rulers of my fast food heart,

    Last month you introduced a taco with a shell made of Nacho Cheese Doritos, a highly anticipated item that completely satisfied my expectations.

    In fact, it was even better than I imagined.  When I first heard about this idea, I thought the intensity of flavor found in the chips would be far too strong to pair with the other taco ingredients.  But in practice, the shell you created has a subtlety of Doritos flavor that plays well with everything else.

    So now, knowing that such nuanced flavor is possible, there is only one clear move for you to make: Cool Ranch Doritos shell.

    Everyone knows Cool Ranch is the superior Doritos flavor.  It’s a fact.  If Wikipedia stopped deleting my entries, the Doritos page would tell you as much.  Cool Ranch is also perfectly suited for your menu.  It’s a flavor that was practically built to be a taco shell.  Don’t stand in the way of that destiny.

    I’m not the only one who thinks this should happen.

    Do the right thing.

    In closing, I want to commend you for the overall Doritos taco shell movement, especially the extra touch of including a sleeve that protects the eater from the notorious orange finger problem that comes with eating the Nacho Cheese variety.

    Love always,

    CJH

    [Note: a few days after I posted this, news broke that the Cool Ranch taco thing appears to be happening.]

    By cjhannas Taco Bell Uncategorized
  • 27 Jan

    To Future Bad Decisions

    Four years ago my work days started at 2 a.m., which meant having to think a little differently about my routine.

    Instead of flipping on the news or SportsCenter while I was getting ready, I watched Conan.  If I wanted to get food on the way to work, there weren’t many options, but I had the ability to roll through the Taco Bell drive-thru for breakfast.  Fortunately for my health I only did that a few times.

    But it did always seem odd that Taco Bell didn’t serve breakfast on a normal person’s schedule.  Countless other places offer breakfast burritos, so why wouldn’t they do it too?  The line every morning at the McDonald’s down the street from where I live now shows there’s no shortage of people making poor life decisions (I say as a lover of Egg McMuffins).  And yet, at the same time the Taco Bell next door is closed.

    That may not last.  This morning I saw a tweet that both excited and horrified me:

    That’s right, Taco Bell is rolling out breakfast — or keeping with their marketing campaign, “First Meal.”

    It’s too early to tell if the test markets will be successful enough to make this a nationwide thing.  But just in case it does and I get sucked into a world I know I shouldn’t, I’ll go ahead and start working out more now.

  • 23 Jul

    Auto Incorrect

    One of the best developments in the cell phone industry is autocorrect, which takes things like “dtubw” and figures out you really meant to type “drive.”

    One of the worst developments in the cell phone industry is autocorrect, which takes roughly 90 percent of what you say and replaces it with entirely incomprehensible statements that somehow include words no one would ever intentionally text.

    I’ve gotten used to my phone and its mission to make me look stupid, so I can happily report I only have two issues that constantly pop up. For some reason my phone refuses to believe I ever actually want to use the words “of” and “taco.”

    If you hypothetically asked if I wanted to grab something to eat, but I just went to my favorite fast food establishment, I might send you a reply that says, “Sorry, already have a belly full of Taco Bell.”

    Of course just because that’s what I intend to send doesn’t mean that’s what you’ll see.

    Deep inside my phone gremlins and possibly Keebler elves will be hard at work, analyzing and debating what message they should send out into the world. They’ll analyze all of my previous texts, utterly disregard that history and randomly throw darts at a board full of alternate statements they somehow think will be an improvement over what I typed.

    The result will look something like this:

    “Sorry, already have a belly full if taxi Bell.”

    Thanks, phone. That was helpful.

  • 20 Oct

    Catching Up

    I just noticed a woeful number of postings for this month, and I really don’t have an excuse for not writing.

    So to break the streak, I bring you what could be a useful collection of stories for those just finding the blog, those who started reading partway through the year or those who just want to relive some good times.

    On this 20th day of the 10th month, I bring you the 10 best posts of 2010 (skipping posts from October — those are new enough for you to find on your own):

    Oh Baby Baby
    Mom lets me know I face a deadline for producing a child. Also proof that including celebrities in your writing brings in readers (thanks, Natalie!)

    Dealies, Please
    A trip down good-eating lane with perhaps my favorite food product on Earth. The accompanying picture belongs in a museum.

    Lessons From a Little Girl

    Easily the most popular post of the year. I share a meal with a 7-year-old girl and learn more than I would have dreamed possible. This post is a bonus on the list that adds a small part to the story.

    Six Years Ago Today
    The anniversary of a special relationship. Also has pictures of bees. And a bonus link inside to a video of me solving a Rubik’s Cube.

    Tickling the (Plastic) Ivories
    Another half-baked talent that doesn’t do much for my day-to-day life — my piano skillz.

    My Regrets to the Duchess
    One hyphenated word: T-Shirt-Tank.

    Taking the Floris Elementary Stage
    My 4th grade class at Floris Elementary goes In Quest of Columbus.

    Seeing the Past
    I see an old co-worker while checking out at Target. Kind of a sad story, but I think one of the better-written posts of the year.

    So Long, Tai Shan
    Washington loses its baby panda, but you gain a look at the TV news report I did about Tai Shan while in grad school.

    Do You Like Hot Sauce?
    A simple question that was probably the most debated issue on the blog this year.

    Enjoy.

  • 07 Sep

    Grilled, Gooey, Fantastic

    As humans, sometimes we forget about things we really like.

    There is that band you haven’t heard in a while that causes you to reach over and turn up the volume. A movie you haven’t seen in a few years comes on TV, and you throw out your afternoon plans to take it in.

    And then there are those dishes you have neglected for far too long.

    I recently rediscovered grilled cheese sandwiches, which given their ease of construction and low cost may be one of the greatest food items ever created. I mean, bread is good, butter is even better and cheese is amazing. How could the combination of all three not be incredible?

    Look at this picture and tell me you don’t want one:

    That’s what I thought. If you need to take a few minutes to indulge, feel free. I’ll still be here when you get back.

    The rediscovery was sort of a chance happening. Before leaving a job last spring, I had to train my replacement. She brought her lunch the first few days, and because she was so new I didn’t want to leave her in the office alone for too long when I went to acquire food.

    Fortunately, there was a small deli in the same office park. I had only eaten there once before because I thought it was massively overpriced for what it was, and there was a Taco Bell and a Wendy’s just down the street. But in the name of quickness I decided to give them another shot, and that’s when the grilled cheese caught me eye.

    It only took one bite to bring back a flood of melty, gooey memories. In the final week of that job I think I had four grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch.

    I posted on Facebook that the rediscovery was the highlight of 2010 for me, and got a surprising number of people extolling their deliciousness. The comments included one from my dad’s cousin, who like me and my brother (and I believe the rest of my family) enjoy pairing the grilled cheese with some ketchup. It adds the right sweetness and a bit of coolness to go with the hot sandwich.

    College roommate Shawn L. (lover of dealies, foe of spiders) did not seem so enthusiastic about the combo. But then again he also likes Ohio State football, so clearly his tastes can’t be taken seriously.

    This morning I saw this story about Fairfax County Public School eliminating chocolate milk in cafeterias. It’s a good thing I am no longer a student in one of their schools, or there would be some sort of massive sit-in protest. I can’t recall EVER voluntarily drinking any milk at school that was not of the chocolate variety. I mean, why would you settle for anything less than the best?

    That would be like having a grilled cheese without ketchup.

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