One of the best developments in the cell phone industry is autocorrect, which takes things like “dtubw” and figures out you really meant to type “drive.”

One of the worst developments in the cell phone industry is autocorrect, which takes roughly 90 percent of what you say and replaces it with entirely incomprehensible statements that somehow include words no one would ever intentionally text.

I’ve gotten used to my phone and its mission to make me look stupid, so I can happily report I only have two issues that constantly pop up. For some reason my phone refuses to believe I ever actually want to use the words “of” and “taco.”

If you hypothetically asked if I wanted to grab something to eat, but I just went to my favorite fast food establishment, I might send you a reply that says, “Sorry, already have a belly full of Taco Bell.”

Of course just because that’s what I intend to send doesn’t mean that’s what you’ll see.

Deep inside my phone gremlins and possibly Keebler elves will be hard at work, analyzing and debating what message they should send out into the world. They’ll analyze all of my previous texts, utterly disregard that history and randomly throw darts at a board full of alternate statements they somehow think will be an improvement over what I typed.

The result will look something like this:

“Sorry, already have a belly full if taxi Bell.”

Thanks, phone. That was helpful.