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  • Keeping it Real

    Stephen Colbert is a man who knows how to keep it real. What is real is calling out people who take themselves a little too seriously, as seen here with a clip from his show the Colbert Report.

    Now as you might know I did indeed go to journalism school, but nothing makes me happier than someone taking aim at established journalists who think far too highly of themselves and basically are incapable of seeing value in non-traditional media.

    While Jon Stewart sits back and laughs at stupid things politicians do and calls into question their actions, he does so in a way that informs his viewers about what is going on in the world. At the same time, network news honchos wonder why their audience is declining, yet lampoon shows like the Daily Show and Colbert Report. Obviously they are doing something right.

    And obviously the networks, particularly the morning shows, need to look in the mirror once in a while as Colbert points out in the clip.

    When a congressman says something stupid in an election year like Sen. George Allen calling an opponent’s campaign worker a monkey, that should be taken seriously and reported. When a congressman goes on a satirical show and under clear pretenses gives a joke response about cocaine, sit back and laugh. Enjoy the real side the lawmaker showed for once. That’s not a story.

    August 17, 2006 television Uncategorized

  • What’s Better than M&Ms?

    Hit up the OC (that’s Ocean City) this weekend for some relaxation and general merriment.

    Visited the always wonderful Dumser’s Dairyland on Friday night for some ice cream and had what might be the first American, English-speaking waitress to ever serve us there. Her name was Jennifer. She had freakishly good handwriting, as you can see here displayed as my order for chocolate ice cream with M&Ms…

    “You get another topping with that”
    “How about more M&Ms?”

    So Jennifer drops off our ice cream and the check, comes back later to see if we need anything, and I drop the smooth line, “Hey, you have really nice handwriting.” She seems a little embarrassed and says that people give her crap for it all the time, so of course I–who have perhaps the world’s worst handwriting–tell her that she should be proud of it. And though we didn’t need anything else, she definitely checked on us a good three more times, including one mysterious time when she took our fully functioning salt shaker and brought it back a minute later. Good times.

    Also oddly fun, as always, is waving to random people when driving down Coastal Highway, which everyone uses to get just about everywhere. People walking down the street, standing at a corner, waiting in the median, all targets of the random wave. And surprisingly, there seems to be about an 80 percent chance you get a wave back. I mean, here you are standing on the median in Ocean City and someone in a car you’ve never seen before waves at you…and for some reason you wave back…

    But boy is it entertaining when they do, and then get this look of “Why did I just do that/who the bejeezus was that?”.

    There are some more pictures on facebook, but I of course am too, what’s the word I’m looking for…oh right, lazy to post them in another fashion.

    July 11, 2006 beach food Uncategorized

  • The Greatest Problem of our Generation

    So put the entire Ert Movement on hold, we have a new more-pressing enemy to combat.

    That enemy is cow abduction.

    Without cows, our world would be a terribly sad and cheeseless abode, and nobody wants that. Visit CowAbduction.com for the complete scoop…

    July 2, 2006 Uncategorized

  • Up in the Sky! It’s a Bird! It’s a Plane!

    It’s Ertman!!!! And he’s now on MySpace…You want to be his friend right? At least look at his beautiful profile. And don’t forget the home of the Ert Movement…

    June 25, 2006 ert Uncategorized

  • The Bell Tolls for Thee

    So to answer the question you haven’t asked, if I had to do something other than what I’m doing now, I’d be a social scientist. The things that people do and why they do them are just too interesting to ignore.

    The latest thing I’ve started paying attention to is how people deal with toll booths. I frequently take the Dulles Toll Road to work, which means I go through three tolls on the round trip (that’s two on the way there and one on the way back…I’m not sure why that is either…).

    Now it’s not exactly breaking news that some people–too many people–don’t think paying a toll is for them. They’re special. But what I really enjoy is the ways in which these people act while passing through the booth.

    Often during rush periods, the gates that prevent you from passing through without paying are up to speed things along. At these times, some people just flat out go through. One common method is the E-Z Pass buddy. They either have a car in front or behind them that has E-Z Pass and thus makes the light go green, though it is more fun to watch when they have the gates down, and this person goes real close to the car in front to get through before it comes back down. Another favorite when the gates are down, is the person who hopes they are going to get some help from the car behind them, but that car (often me) doesn’t pull far enough into the booth area to activate the toll just yet. If you wait back just a few feet, you can watch them scramble trying to think what to do. Then it occurs to them–I could just pay this toll thing, and this pesky gate would get out of my way.

    Good idea.

    Then there’s the fakers. These are the people who actually go to the extent of pretending they are throwing change into the basket before just driving through. Some people are really good at it, so good they might pull one over on someone who wasn’t looking for a violator. But then there are far too many people who really are just wasting their own energy. Their efforts look like they are waving to someone–but just as they start to wave that person had looked away, so they kind of cut it off at an awkward quarter-wave.

    But then again, they are too important to pay tolls, so who am I to criticize. Though they really should get out of the HOV lane when they’re driving alone…nobody’s that important.

    June 8, 2006 Uncategorized

  • Interesting Sunday

    My nemesis has reared its ugly head again. I sat down for a relaxing Sunday morning with the Washington Post, nobody in sight, responsibilities far from my mind.

    I made it through the first section with no difficulty, some big words, but no concepts beyond my grasp. Next on Sundays is the Outlook section, an expanded Op/Ed section with nicer graphics than the usual daily opinion fare. There was an article about how fewer and fewer people are getting married, a trend strongest in the black community especially among black women.

    It was a pretty good piece with some interesting points, but just before the end I encountered a startling piece of wordery…that’s right, panacea. The word that will not go away. I officially dub it The Word of 2006…

    Speaking of trends…Later on Jason was flipping through the channels and came across The Sandlot, one of the greatest movies of all time. We were discussing how the “fat kid” really didn’t look that fat in the movie, and Jason asked if any of the kids had big roles after their Sandlot appearance.

    Naturally, I turned to our good friend IMDB and started checking up on the child stars. None went on to great stardom after The Sandlot, but a surprising number followed the same post-Sandlot path…to Boy Meets World. Five of the nine kids who starred on the misfit team of backyard baseball players appeared in at least one episode of Boy Meets World–thus explaining the brilliance of both the movie and the show.

    The most successful Sandloter is arguably Brandon Adams, who not only starred in Mighty Ducks, D2 Mighty Ducks, but also Moesha, Sister Sister and The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. If that’s not success, I don’t know what is. He also got his acting start portraying “baby Michael Jackson” in the film Moonwalker.

    May 26, 2006 movies Uncategorized

  • Tiiiiime is on My Side

    So one of the things in life that truly fascinates me is time. Someone back in the day said “hey guys, this is time and this is how it works,” and now we have this thing that can provide so many interesting things.

    Think about your day. If you’re a typical person, you get up, get ready, go to work, do some work, finish work, head home, and do some other things before going to sleep. Within all of those things, there’s always a period of time where you are waiting on something or someone that keeps you from moving forward. Whether it’s waiting on a report so you can finish a project at work, someone had an accident on the highway and you can’t get by, or the water for your spaghetti hasn’t started boiling yet, there’s tons of time everyday where you are just waiting–time is not on your side.

    But what if you could condense all of that time? At my job, there’s a looot of time where I’m just standing in the store waiting for a customer to come in. In the same vein, there are busy days where a customer comes in and has to wait for me because I’m too busy handling 2 or 3 other people. If we could just get together better, that customer would come on that day where I’m just standing around, and both of us would be more efficient. Now multiply that by the rest of the world and just think about that potential.

    When I left work today I had a slight brain freeze and went the wrong way on the Beltway. Now before you call me a complete idiot, I spent the last few days at home in Virginia, and thus had gone south, but of course today was a Maryland day and North would have been far better. It took me a few minutes to get turned around and headed the right way, but time reared it’s somewhat interesting head to brighten the situation. As I neared the American Legion Bridge, I noticed a car in the right lane ahead of me had a long, bar-like sticker in the back window.

    I thought it looked a lot like the Susquehanna University sticker in my window. But surely it couldn’t be since there are like -5 people from this area who even know what SU is. However, it was in fact from good ole SU, an occurrence I would have completely missed had I not gone the wrong way in the first place. Of course I haven’t the slightest clue who that person is, but the event alone was worth it for pure intruigement.

    May 26, 2006 nerdness Susquehanna Uncategorized

  • It’s All Becoming So Clear

    So it’s been a while, but nothing overly exciting. Finished the school part of school, just been waiting for the graduation part. Took a little detour to the beach where I saw a beached 35-ton whale that had been dead for weeks rotting in the sand. Yeah that smelled like microwaved death. Also came out of a McDonald’s and saw two seagulls…um…”wrestling” on top of the ice cream place next door.

    But that’s not important.

    I’ve also spent the last few days going through some boxes of papers and artwork from elementary school. My mother kept just about everything there was from those days, and I’m trying to get all that cut down to the really interesting or really bizarre stuff.

    So far, there has been a recurring theme. Who I was in 1st grade is not all that different from 2nd grade, 3rd grade or 4th grade, and even now. In my box from 3rd grade (that was Ms. Stellabotte for those of you scoring at home), there was a stack of birthday cards — one from each person in the class. Now it wasn’t reallllllly my birthday since that comes in the summer, but May 3rd was close enough for me and I appreciate not being left out.

    Apparently the class was able to write whatever they wanted and decorate the card however they pleased. Some drew airplanes, others just wrote “Happy Birthday!” (or some spelling that let me know that’s at least what they meant). But two of the messages really stuck out as right on the money. One had a picture of a spaceship, and underneath it says “Aliens from outer space, and Chris your [sic] one.” Sounds about right. Another is a little more direct, “Chris you are a very different boy from the rest.” Why thank you.

    There’s a poster from Kindergarten where I was apparently the “Star of the Day!!!” On the poster, there are messages like “You are nice,” “You are Funny,” and my personal favorite, “I like to go to the cafeteria with you.” Apparently I was a good lunch date back then. Some girl also apparently liked to use the computer with me. Not sure what that means.

    Two things I noticed haven’t changed a bit since then–my handwriting and my artistic ability. I really should have just stopped in 2nd grade. Neither one of those things improved measurably after that. Thank God for the advent of computers.

    May 19, 2006 beach McDonald's nostalgia Uncategorized

  • Sisterhood of the Traveling Foam

    Yeah there’s no sisterhood here. Sorry about the false advertising, however there is traveling foam.

    About a month ago I was driving to work on I-495 and noticed bits of white stuff flying up in the air on the road in front of me. As I got closer, the bits got bigger and were easily recognizable as your standard white chunks of styrofoam. Cars were running them over, bouncing them high into the air and generally moving them forward a little bit at a time.

    At the time, it only slightly crossed my mind how cool it would be to know that something could make it all the way around a circular highway like the beltway. It would need to be something sturdy enough, light enough to be moved by passing traffic, yet small and harmless enough that no authorities would clear it from the road/shoulder area.

    Last week I saw more white foam on my way to work on the same route. The chunks were smaller, but I can only assume that it was the same stuff. The cool part? This time the chunks were about a half-mile into Virginia, meaning they made about a 3 mile journey down the Beltway, crossed the American Legion Bridge, and made tracks for McLean.

    And if you haven’t figured it out by now, that’s exactly the kind of thing that makes me enjoy life.

    May 7, 2006 nerdness Uncategorized

  • Scary Rabbit and the Tale of the Broken Arm

    I must first apologize since I feel like I’ve left out a LOT of potentially good stuff from the last week or so, but I’m going to claim I was busy and thus couldn’t share it with you.

    But I’ll make up for it here, with the scariest children’s item I’ve seen in a while. That’s on the side of the box of a giant chocolate rabbit I received for Easter. Now I’m not an expert in marketing and packaging, but last time I checked, frightening the bejeeezus out of little kids is not a good way to go when your business is geared towards children. Just a thought.

    On the other hand, the picture does appear right about the nutritional facts, which could be a move to try to ward off some childhood obesity. The kids see the sad rabbit–OK, the obviously suicidal rabbit–along with the nutritional facts and say “hmmmmm, maybe eating this chocolate bunny will make me sad like the rabbit on the box.” But he is packed with 16 % of your daily recommended calcium if you eat the whole thing at once, so maybe it’s not allllllll that bad. (We’ll pretend like the chocolate rabbit doesn’t also have 140 percent of your daily saturated fat)…

    At last weekend’s GW Parkway Classic 5K, my running partner for the day said her biggest fear at the start of a race was falling down and getting trampled by all of the runners behind her. This week I ran the prestigious Vienna Elementary 5K, which was preceded by the even more well-known Vienna Elementary 1 mile. It was that 1-mile race where that fear became someone else’s reality. One of the elementary school kids–I’m not sure which one since I’ve never been to that school before and there were 877689 of them in the race–where was I? Oh right, one of the kids fell, maybe have been trampled, and certainly broke his arm. Ouch.

    May 1, 2006 running Uncategorized
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