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  • 17 Jun

    The Right to Cinnabon

    All malls in the United States of America should be legally required to have a Cinnabon.

    I mean, how can you properly shop if you don’t have the prospect of a warm, gooey, sugary delight waiting just around the corner? It shouldn’t be allowed.

    One of my roommates told me last night that the Cinnabon at Fair Oaks Mall had closed. The company’s website still lists the location, but for the sake of argument we’ll take his word for it.

    Granted, Fair Oaks is one of three malls I could drive to within 15 minutes. But one of the other malls has never to my knowledge had a Cinnabon, so the shopping-to-deliciousness ratio in this area is taking a huge hit.

    While driving home from the grocery store (where we bought ice cream after discovering Chik-Fil-A and its milshakes were closed), we came up with a list of mall must-haves.

    Under our proposed legislation, all malls must feature:

    -Cinnabon
    -Auntie Anne’s
    -Sbarro
    -Some sort of smoothie place (we’re not picky)
    -Sadly these days, Starbucks

    That’s the list. You can eat something substantial. You can get a quick sugary snack. You can wash it down with something fruity and cold. You can get a jolt of something with caffeine. That should be enough to get you through the mall experience.

    As a former mall employee (thank you, New Balance), I consider myself an expert in shopping-adjacent eateries. At Tysons Corner Center, the New Balance store is just down the hallway from Cinnabon. The second you step out into the mall, you can’t miss the aroma. It is intoxicating.

    They frequently offered a buy two, get one free deal, which I took advantage of on several glorious occasions. Before you question my sanity, I didn’t eat all three of them myself.

    Except, of course, if you count the one time that I did.

    I wanted to eat two of them and got the third one for another employee to enjoy. For some reason, nobody else in the store wanted to partake in the amazingness that is Cinnabon. My hand forced, I plowed through the first two and continued eating until the third one was polished off. Fortunately I weigh roughly 27 pounds and at the time had a job that required me to be moving around all day, so there were no ill effects. I do wonder what would have happened if I had washed that down with a Mountain Dew.

    One of the malls near where I lived in Florida had a Cinnabon, so I guess the greater Jacksonville area is safe. But I just checked the mall down the road from where I went to college in Pennsylvania, and they do not have the required number of cinnamon roll establishments.

    Time to step up your game, Selinsgrove.

    In totally unrelated news, for those of you who like celebrity gossip or “Dumb & Dumber” quotes, I’ll close with this. It looks like Rachel Bilson’s puzzling engagement to Hayden Christensen may be over. “So you’re saying there’s a chance…”

  • 16 Jun

    Taking the Floris Elementary Stage

    In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. Five hundred years later, I was in the 4th grade and landed a prime role in a play about Columbus.

    I won’t bury the lede–here’s the video of that sweet production:

    The show is called “In Quest of Columbus” and features what I believe is the entire 4th grade at Floris Elementary that year. The real highlight for me comes around the 13:45 mark, where I think I tell the girl standing next to me that I disagree by saying “you’re all wet.” Did this play somehow get set in the 1920s?

    I vaguely remember some kind of audition process, and I’m glad I didn’t end up as one of the nameless, Hawaiian shirt-wearing chorus folks. Both of my current roommates suffered that fate, though one of them didn’t even remember he was in the play at all until I explained the whole thing. I just asked the other one, and he didn’t recall it at all.

    I think my twin sister is one of the “cabin crew” but I’m not 100 percent on that. Actually, that sounds like a terrible thing to say. Let me look again…There she is! Ok, definitely a pirate. I mean, crew person.

    It is interesting to look back at my classmates, with so many of them easily recognizable (probably because we went to the same high school as well). But then there are a bunch of faces that look completely foreign. In my group of “explorers” I can name eight of the other 12 kids. Two look sort of familiar, and I might guess one of their names. Those last two though, I haven’t the foggiest clue where they came from or where they went.

    Also note that I may be the fourth tallest one that stage–not a usual sight.

    I must say that I nailed the basic requirements of an elementary school actor, mainly that I didn’t say my lines as quickly as humanly possible. I do wave my arms a lot to make emphatic points about every single word I am saying. I guess I thought the audience really needed to pay attention to my message.

    Another highlight comes at the 23:30 mark as we wake up in a sort of camp-like scenario. I remember struggling with this first line in rehearsals–there are actual words I was supposed to say but it was to be done in a sort of yawning fashion. It came out as complete nonsense…but it got a laugh!

    Alas, there was no Oscar for my performance. Maybe next time.

  • 15 Jun

    Peace Be With Yo-ow!

    Last Sunday I did something that was totally unprecedented in my life, and I would venture to say yours as well. I injured myself in church.

    To make things even better, I injured myself during a portion called the “Passing of the Peace” during which everyone greets those around them and offers a peaceful message.

    Usually that involves at minimum a handshake, and being the happening young chap that I am, I have a sweet handshake ritual with one of my usual pew compatriots. It took me a little while of Googling to figure out just how to describe this handshake, but I have settled on “pound explode.”

    If you’re unfamiliar, it involves a few easy steps. First, each person makes a fist, with one holding there’s a foot or two above the other’s. The top person moves their hand down as the bottom person’s goes up until the two hit. Then immediately reverse roles (top person moves down, hits, then moves back up to hit again). Finish it off by doing a standard fist bump and then immediately opening your hand as if the incredible impact has created an explosion. The last part is seen multiple times in this video.

    The result is usually awe from those around you. This time, it led to this:

    Maybe I should avoid doing this ritual with people who wear rings. I just hope I can heal in time for next week’s service.

    Note: Tomorrow’s blog (originally scheduled for today) has the potential to be incredibly entertaining, particularly if you went to school with me in the 4th grade. Stay tuned.

    By cjhannas injury Uncategorized
  • 14 Jun

    A Lively Evening

    Someone asked me yesterday which region of the world I typically cover at work.

    I said it depended on who else was working at the time, but that I never did East Asia. Of course I went to work for an overnight shift last night and was assigned to East Asia. Go figure.

    At some point I went to the website of Xinhua, an official Chinese government media outlet. I was there to see if they were reporting anything interesting and was surprised to see a link on the front page to a photo gallery of “Men’s Most Desirable Women of 2010.”

    I was expecting something more like “Official Resigns Amid Labor Scandal.”

    It is encouraging to see that while the Chinese government is less than interested in opening the Internet to its people, they do want citizens to see Blake Lively’s smiling face.

    Seems like a good way to keep the people happy.

    I would write more, but after the overnight I went home long enough to eat a bowl of cereal and then went to work at the other job. I have been up for 25 hours, and 32 of the past 34.

    More developed posts coming for the rest of the week.

    By cjhannas Uncategorized
  • 13 Jun

    Quickly Now

    Finding the time to post something every day has not been too difficult. After all, it doesn’t really take that long.

    But today I am losing my evening to work and lost my afternoon to a nap in order to be awake for that work. Given the time crunch, I’ll keep this short.

    Here’s the fuel for all of the news stories that will be flying out of my fingers in the coming hours:

    In the morning, I will turn to my friend Cocoa Puffs for an energy boost before heading to job No. 2 for Monday. Thankfully this will be the last time I have to eschew sleep in favor of double-shifting between the two jobs.

    By cjhannas food Uncategorized
  • 12 Jun

    Trying to Make a Difference

    There are people in this world who see someone in need of help and walk past. Someone else will help, most of us think.

    Then there are those who stop. They ask what’s wrong. They take action.

    This weekend I came across two stark examples of how good people trying to better the lives of others can have completely different outcomes. The positive ending came last night with a viewing of “The Blind Side” with a much sadder outcome this morning in the form of a Washington Post story.

    “The Blind Side” is one of those films that I found incredibly enjoyable despite the fact that I already read the best-selling book by Michael Lewis. If you are not familiar, the story follows Michael Oher, a black teenager in Memphis who ends up at a mostly-white, private Christian school. He has survived some of the most challenging conditions a child in America can face, including never really knowing his father and spending long stretches in foster homes away from his mother.

    He is taken in by a white family who gives him the stability and support he needs to achieve academically and athletically, eventually earning a football scholarship to the University of Mississippi. The story is about football, but more than anything it is about human beings–both the Tuohy family and Oher–opening their hearts to one another.

    Not surprisingly, you can’t help but feel optimistic about how we can affect one another in positive ways by the time the movie ends.

    That’s how I went to sleep.

    This morning I opened the Post to read the story of a Maryland State Trooper who was gunned down in the parking lot of an Applebee’s where he had just finished a shift doing security. Police say the killing stems from an argument with a patron who was removed from the restaurant after refusing to pay his bill.

    The story describes the trooper as a young man, 24, who had just asked his girlfriend to marry him and who was scheduled to take a group of kids on a trip to New York. In 2007, he founded an organization that mentors teenagers, takes them on trips and brings in professionals to talk to the kids.

    Where the Tuohys were able to overcome difficulties in connecting with an initially reticent kid and the stigmas of their community (rich, white side of town vs. poor, black side), this trooper was senselessly yanked from the lives of kids he was trying to help.

    We hear about these kinds of negative outcomes too often, but it is heartening to know that there will always be people trying to help out those who need a hand.

    By cjhannas movies Uncategorized
  • 11 Jun

    Your Fireworks Are in the Mail

    Most people would equate ending up on a mystery mailing list as a bad thing.

    You get a few catalogs you don’t want–office supplies, clothing stores you don’t frequent–and wonder why the companies waste their time and yours month after month.

    Because of my work as a federal contractor I get lots of mail targeted at my “business.” I hope Comcast one day figures out I do not need their corporate Internet package in order to write news stories from an office in Washington, D.C.

    But today I hit the mother lode of random mail. The walk to the mailbox was like so many other days. I slipped on the closest footwear, which happened to be sandals that I rocked despite the fact that I was wearing socks. The neighbors clearly recognize my refined sense of style.

    The volume of mail inside our box was pretty typical, three or four letter-size envelopes and a single catalog. The envelopes were pretty boring (thanks Comcast), but the catalog is unlike anything I have ever received in my life.

    It is clear the fine folks at Phantom Fireworks do not think my pyrotechnics needs are being met. Or perhaps they heard that my brother Pat and I have been tasked with teaching our forthcoming niece about fireworks (and baseball).

    In either case, the pages contain all kinds of fire-based fun that is definitely not legal in my home state of Virginia. That is too bad, since you definitely don’t see things like this in the JCPenney catalog:

    The picture is cut off at the bottom, leaving out the part that says your $349.99 gets you 3249 different fireworks. I can’t even fathom how long it would take to light all of that stuff. Fourth of July festivities would last for weeks.

    Despite the great deals on supplies to blow up a small part of your yard, the best part about the fireworks catalog is all of the great names given to the different products. Where else can you see things called Fortress of Fire, Untamed Retribution, Wizard of Ahhhs, Cirque de Pyrotechnique or Tiger Fury?

    I’m not sure how I ended up on their list, but I sure thank Phantom Fireworks for giving me 20 minutes of enjoyment today.

    By cjhannas mail Uncategorized
  • 09 Jun

    Time for an Office Exorcism

    There are some days you should just push back from your desk, get out of the chair and walk right out the office door.

    Today was one of those days, mainly because I think the office at the part-time gig is cursed or otherwise possessed. For some reason just about every piece of equipment we have decided it didn’t want to work, all at the same time.

    I wanted to transfer some PAL (foreign format) video tapes to DVD. Shouldn’t have been an issue. We have a VCR that plays the tapes…but of course the capture box wouldn’t even register on the computer.

    Time to move onto another project — a seemingly easy request to burn two copies of a DVD photomontage project we did last month. The burner was able to make the discs, but for some reason has decided it will now only print labels all in red ink. Fine, probably not a big deal for the client. Now to make labels to go on the outside of the DVD cases…and we don’t have a single sheet of the correct kind of paper.

    Maybe we can capture some audio tapes instead. The reel-to-reel machine works. The mixer works. The computer even recognizes the mixer. The program that actually captures the audio does not show any audio inputs. Le sigh.

    Ok, we just got a microcassette tape that needs to be digitized. Hm, that would require the mixer that still has no interest in playing nice.

    All of that doesn’t even count the VHS transfer process that was going swimmingly, until my boss’ son turned the computer off.

    At least my peanut butter & jelly sandwich was tasty. Here’s to a more productive tomorrow!

  • 08 Jun

    Are You a Movie Star?

    I am slowly but surely making it through last year’s Oscar nominees for Best Picture.

    Last night I watched “An Education,” though I spent 90 percent of the movie trying to figure out why Carey Mulligan looked so familiar. It’s quite possible I have seen her in something else, or maybe I just remember seeing her at the Oscars (where she was nominated for Best Actress).

    Hm, I just checked IMDb, and the only other movie of hers that I have seen is “Brothers,” and while that was an excellent film she only had a small role. So we are back to possibly resembling someone I know.

    Let’s try something. Go look at yourself in the mirror. Do you look like this?

    If so, please let me know. If not, do you know any of my friends who look like that?

    As for the movie itself, I thoroughly enjoyed it. That’s not surprising since the screenplay was written by Nick Hornby, the author of several books I have read in the past few years. (From last year, A Long Way Down and from 2008, How to be Good).

    In addition to “An Education,” I have also taken in “Up” (fantastic), “Up in the Air” (pretty solid) and “Inglourious Basterds” (also fantastic).

    Earlier in the week I watched “Crazy Heart” which was not nominated for Best Picture but did feature Jeff Bridges’ Best Actor performance. Not a huge fan of that movie. It’s possible I was just tired, but I wasn’t the least bit interested in what was going on.

    Maybe I will just blame Maggie Gyllenhaal. I didn’t dislike her before, but she probably killed this movie for me. Put in Kate Beckinsale and things may have been different.

    By cjhannas movies Uncategorized
  • 07 Jun

    Show Me the Video

    I work part time at a company that, among other things, converts older media into digital formats.

    Usually what that means is lots of boring hours plowing through people’s VHS collections of video nobody should be forced to watch again. But sometimes I get to be a part of some cool stuff, usually only involving old movie film.

    We see the reels come in three forms — 8mm, Super8 and 16mm (each progressively better than the last). The conversion process means I am likely the last person to ever see the film played in its original form.

    The projectors are sometimes a pain to deal with, and given their age can give off some strange smells. It’s a strangely serene experience with the sound of the projector clicking along in a dark room as you watch family movies from people you don’t know.

    Last month I heard an episode of This American Life that delved into the world of home movies. They said the movies are all the same, that is, that everyone pulls out their camera for the same events. Having converted hundreds of videos, I can absolutely say that is true.

    The show talked about the strange phenomenon in which there are videos of children, parents and grandparents, but rarely any teenagers. In my experience, that is definitely the case.

    You can, however, count on seeing babies in bathtubs, toddlers getting haircuts, Christmas morning festivities, a trip to the beach, a grandmother hiding her face from the camera and a young child tottering around the yard.

    Most of those I completely understand. The one I can’t quite wrap my head around is baby bath time. I see these ALL the time — from 8mm film from the 1950s to miniDV tapes shot last month. Parents seem to think this is a great idea and must believe there will be a day the family will want to sit around and relive the experience. I’m not sure I see the entertainment there.

    I am still holding out hope for a great America’s Funniest Home Videos moment. I mean, for the hundreds and hundreds of hours of footage I have seen, would it be too much to ask to see someone fall off a trampoline or take a whiffle ball bat to a sensitive region?

    I think not.

    By cjhannas Uncategorized
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