Uncategorized

  • 26 Apr

    Chwilbur Is Online

    After reading this history of AOL’s Instant Messenger program, naturally my thought was, “I wonder what it looks like if I sign in today?”

    My next question, “What are the chances I remember my password?”

    AIM was the ubiquitous online thing during my late high school years and certainly through college.  Asking if someone was on AIM then was like seeing if they have Facebook now.  At any time of the day, you could log on and see the icon of that little yellow AOL guy next to a screenname chosen by one of your friends and fire off a message to chat with or bother them.

    But that was a long time ago.  After nailing my password on the first try (real useful info to keep stored in that brain of yours, Chris), I was a little surprised at what I saw:

    I have friends!  Online!  TWO of them!!!

    Granted, they have those little phone icons and not the “I’m online just like you!” yellow guys, but still.  I sent a message to PATMAN04, my brother, who told me he set up AIM years ago to just text him when someone sends him an IM:

    Why yes, yes I was.  For helenafalz, I used SnapChat to send her a picture of my buddy list, and her response made it clear she probably last logged in roughly when I did:

    Now, of course, it’s so easy to get in touch with anyone you want at any time, whether through texting, gchat, Facebook or any number of apps, like SnapChat.  However, none of them will ever have the fully satisfying experience that came with AIM’s sound effects:

    Long live AIM.

    By cjhannas internet Uncategorized
  • 25 Apr

    Bryce Harpmani

    Our brains make weird connections to things.

    Last night, I was watching the Nationals play the Padres, and Nats outfielder Bryce Harper hit a double.  This is not a novel occurrence and in most instances would have resulted in nothing but normal, baseball-rooting delight.

    But then the camera cut to him standing up from his slide into second base, standing there helmetless with a faraway stare, and for some reason that reminded my brain of a cologne ad:

    How long until Bryce ends up in a Giorgio Armani cologne commercial?
    — Chris Hannas (@cjhannas) April 25, 2014

    In case your brain isn’t recalling what I’m talking about, it’s one of these:

    And to bring this all full circle, naturally I had to take time this morning to fully realize my Bryce vision:

    I’ll see myself out.

    By cjhannas baseball Uncategorized
  • 11 Apr

    Completing The Circle

    I make absolutely no secret that I am a user of the Internet who is fully comfortable sharing information, interacting with others — even complete strangers — without a second thought.  For some people, that’s completely normal, while others are incredibly guarded about their digital lives.  That’s okay too.

    In his book “The Circle,” Dave Eggers presents a story that I’m going to dub a reductio ad absurdum argument for the Internet.  That’s where you take an idea, and to expose it’s shortcomings, you argue it to its farthest conclusions and comment on that result.

    “The Circle” follows a young woman named Mae who gets a job at the hottest tech company in Silicon Valley (called The Circle), one that has basically brought together every big social media platform under one roof. 

    She’s a tech neophyte when she arrives on the kind of campus we’ve come to expect from these companies.  She has email and a few social media accounts, but she doesn’t use them much.  As she gets settled into her job in customer service, she gets gentle reminders from her bosses that she is supposed to be using the products a certain amount.

    At one point, she gets called in for a talk that definitely reminded me of Jennifer Aniston’s character being scolded for not having enough “flair” in “Office Space.”  People were upset with Mae for not commenting on or liking their posts, and for ignoring invitations to the nearly constant events on campus.

    “I asked you to come in just to, well, to square that with your social behavior here, and the message it’s sending,” her boss says.

    Mae vows to do better, and throws herself into a flurry of social media activity.  This is the beginning of the kind of digital creep we’ve all experienced going from the same zero point to wherever we are now.  Think about the times you flip over to Facebook for the first time in a day or two and feel like you’ve missed a mountain of stuff and have to catch up.  It’s not important in the least that you do, but I know I’m not alone in feeling the pull to try to look at it all.

    That creep, the acceptance of a new level of connectedness, is pervasive in the book.  It’s Mae’s entire journey as she ascends through the ranks of the company, which gives its employees scores on a wide variety of their activities and an overall ranking based on how much they participate.  She arrived unaffected by social media, but quickly becomes obsessed.

    The Circle was founded with good intentions, things like eliminating anonymous online comments to promote more civility and bringing together your million different social media accounts into one spot that would be easier to manage.  The key thing about the book is that it is rooted in reality.  We’ve seen a wave recently of companies ditching anonymous comments, like Google requiring Google+ accounts on YouTube and HuffingtonPost making people sign in with Facebook.  It’s a great idea in itself, but what Eggers does is take those pieces and build on them, showing that when Mae accepts each new thing as normal, they just add a higher level of connectedness and another after that.

    The company pioneers things like a series of small cameras placed all over the world.  The goal espoused by one of the bosses is for every bit of information to be available to everyone at all times.  At a company event, the words “All that happens must be known” are shown on a screen.

    That evolves to people, including Mae, wearing cameras around their necks every waking hour, streaming their entire lives over the Internet.  Mae talks about certain benefits, like giving up soda knowing that people are watching and being influenced by her actions.  Politicians flock to use the system to show they are not corrupt.

    As one of the bosses puts it, “Who would do something unethical or immoral or illegal if they were being watched.”

    But as with every other move in the book, what has you nodding in agreement one second has you questioning the other side the next.  Sure, people would be less likely to commit a crime in a world completely saturated with cameras.  But at what point are we giving up our ability to be humans?  I’m not saying I need to carjack someone, but isn’t your ethics a big part of who you are?  Is not robbing someone because there’s a camera fake ethics?

    And what about private conversations?  At one point, Mae takes part in a presentation that utilizes the phrase “privacy is theft.”  Should we not be able to have personal secrets, secrets among friends, private moments that are ours?

    A few years ago I did a post with audio tapes that my mom’s family sent back and forth to her dad while he was deployed overseas in the army.  In one of them, my grandmother is talking directly to my grandfather (through the tape) and says that while she loves their children and their life as a family, she loves the world they inhabit just as the two of them.

    Whether we think about it or not, we have those private lives with a lot of people.  We have moments just being with each other that would be unquestionably altered by a camera around our necks and someone out there in the world somewhere watching on their laptop.  Think about all the things you would never ever say to certain people, either because you don’t want to be seen in that level of vulnerability, or because you fear embarrassment.  Imagine a website where you could go to just watch person after person ask someone on a date and get shot down, or another where you could see every disastrous job interview.

    We need to be able to fail at things, to show ourselves to both the people who matter to us and to random people we meet without the fear of having our natural human emotions and experiences turned against us, or even witnessed by others.

    Mae’s obsession takes on a new dimension after the company develops a system for full, direct democracy, and tests it out by asking everyone at the company if Mae is awesome.  Hundreds say no.  She is completely unraveled wondering who and why.  Remember all those rumors you’ve heard over the years about Facebook potentially adding a “dislike” button?  Maybe there’s a good reason for that not happening.  While Facebook does portray a certain “best of” for people’s lives that inevitably makes us think everyone else is happier and more successful than we are, I’m okay with people saying why they dislike something in a comment or just ignoring it.  I could be wrong about that.

    Eggers uses Mae’s ex-boyfriend Mercer as the counter to her acceptance.  He wants no part of The Circle or any of its services.  So, while Mae is saying things like, “I want to be seen.  I want proof I existed,” Mercer decries what he calls a “sickness” for people like her to need not only their own data, but his and everyone else’s too.

    “Like everything else you guys are pushing, it sounds perfect, sounds progressive,” he says, “but it carries with it more control, more central tracking of everything we do.” 

    I’ve preached my love of Eggers’ work a lot over the years, but other than “A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius” this is his best.  I’ve barely scratched the surface in this ridiculously long post.  If you think at all about the way our digital lives are now and will progress and all the issues and implications, you have to read it.  It will make you think a lot about how you interact not only with the online world, but the vast expanse of humanity that is not wired.

    By cjhannas books Uncategorized
  • 11 Apr

    I Was Saying WooErth

    Nationals fans, we have a problem.  Or at least, we have the ability to improve.

    Outfielder Jayson Werth has been using the Dave Matthews song “Warehouse” as one of his walkup ditties since at least last season, and I feel those at Nats Park are missing a golden opportunity to make it a little more personal.

    In the same way everyone jumped on the “Take On Me” bandwagon and had a blast supporting Michael Morse coming to the plate, I think we can change up the way we respond to “Warehouse.”

    Crowds everywhere wait for the little break in the guitar and yell, “WOOOO!”  Like this:

    But you know what is almost like WOOOO?  WERTH!  My brother and I have been waging a low-level campaign for a while, which honestly is just the two of us doing it and jokingly lamenting that no one else is.

    So consider this my plea to the rest of you.  When you’re at a Dave concert or the Verizon Center or Starbucks, by all mean WOOOO to your heart’s content.  But when it’s Werth striding toward the batter’s box, can we get a WERTH?

    And since I already mentioned “Take On Me” I would be remiss not to advocate that we completely move on from that one.  Please?

    By cjhannas baseball Uncategorized
  • 28 Mar

    And Then There Were 10 (N64 Baseball Players)

    (The list has been updated for 2016)
     
    Last year, I compiled a list of all the players who appeared in the Nintendo 64 game Major League Baseball Featuring Ken Griffey Jr. and were still on an MLB team.

    The idea was to both move us closer to definitively knowing which guy would be the last remaining, and to have a spot where any other similarly curious person could find the answer.

    With another season upon us, it’s time to update the list.  We’ve had a number of retirements, as well as a few guys stating that 2014 will be their last in the bigs.

    So long:
    -Mariano Rivera
    -Andy Pettite
    -Darren Oliver
    -Todd Helton
    -Mark Kotsay

    Still active:
    -David Ortiz
    -Bartolo Colon
    -Latroy Hawkins
    -Raul Ibanez
    -Jamey Wright
    -Alex Rodriguez
    -Derek Jeter
    -Paul Konerko
    -Jason Giambi
    -Bobby Abreu

    Last year, this list was really simple.  Everyone just played baseball.  This time, I have to add a bunch of notes.

    Jeter and Konerko have both already said this will be their last year.  Rodriguez won’t play a pitch this year because he was suspended for the entire season.  Giambi is starting the year on the DL and may not actually play in the majors this year, but he’s on Cleveland’s 40-man roster.  Abreu gets a major asterisk both because he wasn’t in the league last year, and just got cut from the Phillies.  I read an article that said he had potential interest from other teams, so he stays, for now.

    So who will be the last one?  Both Ortiz and Colon are signed beyond 2014, and given that all he has to do is DH, I’m putting my money on Big Papi.

    Unless of course Griffey makes a comeback…

    **UPDATE**
    The Indians activated Giambi and the Mets called up Abreu before their respective games on April 21, putting both in the majors in 2014.

  • 27 Mar

    World’s Best Taco

    Guys, congratulations, we did it.  We have hit the pinnacle of human society.  There will be no greater achievements from here on out.  Kick back, grab a drink, let your belt out a few notches and take some time bask in what we have made here.

    The true innovative catalyst for this declaration?  That, of course, would be Taco Bell and this:

    When Taco Bell starts offering breakfast tacos, I make a video to capture the experience:

    If you happen to be super smart and think you have something better for humanity, by all means go out an invent it.  Just don’t blame me for doubting that you can deliver.

  • 16 Mar

    That Did Not Go As Planned

    Sometimes we don’t accept our limits and get humbled.

    Yesterday I set out to run the DC Rock ‘N Roll half marathon in 1:45, and crossed the finish line in 1:58:34.  Clearly things did not go according to plan, but really the plan was the problem.

    In the month before the race I dealt with a bad cold and then bronchitis, which left me feeling exhausted all the time and having a hard time breathing in cold, dry air.  That meant skipping all but a few of my planned training runs in favor of rest, hoping that “tomorrow” I would feel better.  A lot of those tomorrows came and went without much relief.

    Finally, after getting the official bronchitis diagnosis, I did get some lovely prescriptions, which did help but had side effects that included even more fatigue and making me feel really warm even when sitting on the couch.

    So obviously when it came time for the race, I took that month of basically zero training, tiredness and imperfect lungs and decided what the heck, let me try to run my second fastest half marathon ever.

    Through the first five miles, things were going great: 8:04, 8:10, 8:04, 8:00, 8:07.  I even for the first time followed a pacing group to keep me on target.

    But then in mile six the wheels started coming off.  The mile time (8:31) will look pretty normal, but it’s misleading.  At the end of the mile, the course started up a giant hill that continued into mile seven.  Usually, hills are a strong point where I surge ahead of a ton of people.  I train on them all the time and really take pride in that.  But in this race, I just didn’t have that reserve to push through and come out on the other end able to slip back into my normal pace.

    That was the story for the rest of the race:  10:14, 9:28, 9:20, 9:53, 9:41, 10:26, 9:35, :53.

    In the past, I’ve done a few races where I didn’t think I was in great shape, but found those energy stores to push later in the race.  This time, every attempt to pick up the pace was like running in molasses.  I would go maybe 30 seconds before I couldn’t sustain it anymore and had to slow down.

    My already elevated body temperature also made me drink probably twice what I normally do during a race, which both cost me time (running and drinking is hard) and was a feeling I was not used to at all.  I probably shouldn’t have taken the meds pre-race.

    I also should have set a more reasonable goal somewhere around 1:52, and felt good about hitting that and coming back to fight another day.  Being unrealistic just made me frustrated (in mile 11 I spiked a Gatorade cup into a trashcan) and gave me a little bit of a setback in what had been a lot of progress getting over my sickness.

    At least I got a cool medal out of it:

    Time to get really healthy, and do another one in a few months, site TBD.

    By cjhannas running Uncategorized
  • 08 Mar

    Say Hello To My Internet Friends

    Like most people, I have acquired a few nicknames during my time on this planet.  I’ve mentioned before ones like Hotshoe, Heinous, Christafuh, Erty, Channas and Issypher, but I recently came across a completely forgotten forum that fostered a few others.

    We hear a lot these days about the permanency of the Internet, you know warnings like, “ONCE IT’S ON THE INTERNET IT’S THERE FOREVER!!!!”  But there’s a flip-side to that.  Some things that are not dangerous and can give you a fun trip down memory lane stay on the Web too.

    In the spring of 2002, I saw a music video on TV (remember those days?) from someone I’d never heard of before and went to the Internet to check her out.  It was Vanessa Carlton, whom you surely know from this song:

    Her website back then had all the normal info you find from any artist, from the quick bio to tour stops and information about their albums.  Like many others at the time, it also had a message board, and after spending a few minutes browsing through, I felt the need to chime in on something and posted my first message.

    In the span of a few years, I would go on to post more than 1,000 messages, though 99.9999 percent of them were far from profound.  During that time, I noticed a group of people who talked about similar interests or just seemed like cool peeps, and through both our board postings and later AIM chatting, I got to know a few of them quite well.  They were the first of what I call my “Internet friends,” which at the time was a weird concept to many, but now I think is much more relatable in our Facebook/Twitter experiences.

    That’s where I got those extra nicknames, like Ti.  Ti is short for Tiem, which this girl Kelley started calling me to make fun of the fact that in AIM convos I always made a typo when trying to write “time.”  The original forum no longer exists, but thanks to the cool Wayback Machine, I was reminded that Kelley and I also had a super important running debate about the merits of wearing socks:

    That original forum often had issues, and eventually someone made a new message board that we all migrated to.  It’s there that Kelley, who is a few years younger than me, posted about the time she and I met in real life:

    She was looking at colleges and where I went happened to be on her list, so we planned to say hi and chat for a minute after her official tour.  Since you know me, you’ll find it funny how SUPER sketched out her mom was about the whole idea of her talking to this random guy.  That meant our meeting took place in an open spot just across the street from a parking lot where Kelley’s mom was watching from the car.  She didn’t end up going to school there, and we eventually lost touch.

    The name Erty (the Ert Movement was big at the time) was bestowed by another person whose life is a mystery to me now.  The biggest thing I remember about her is that she for a long time told everyone she was roughly my age, then made this big dramatic post one day admitting that she was in fact like five years younger.  She expected everyone to hate her and never speak to her again…but absolutely zero people cared.  Good times.

    I haven’t had an actual conversation in a long time with the girl who started calling me Chewy (a play on chwilbur), but we are Facebook friends and more or less aware of each other’s lives (hey, Jiggy!).

    I feel like we need a music break, so enjoy one of my more favorite songs from Carlton’s first album:

    The cool thing about having Internet friends is that you aren’t constrained by geography.  My three closest ones from that era are an Australian, a Brazilian who lives in Japan and a Spaniard who lives in Britain.

    Nerea, my Spanish friend, wished me happy birthday back in 2004 in a thread that was the equivalent of waking up to your birthday today and seeing a million notifications on Facebook:

    She and I haven’t been in the closest contact over the years, but we check in from time to time.  Finding this last week reminded me to do that, and naturally we both lamented how old we feel now that it’s been almost 10 years since she posted that message.

    Katie, the Australian, and Juliane, the Brazilian, I talk to all the time, and while our conversations are often about television and ridiculous things, there have also been the kinds of moments you expect with any good friends.  We’ve talked about moving far from home, jitters about starting new jobs, our families, differences in our home towns, dating and counseling each other when we’ve lost people close to us. 

    Another thing I gained from that message board was the ability to use Photoshop.  The system allowed you to embed pictures in your posts, and everyone made “signatures” that were sort of personal flags that said something about them or their fandom.  Here’s an example (though not one I made) at the top of this thread in which I gave a British girl grief for how they spell neighbors:

    Only certain people had the technical ability to make them, and after teaching myself the basics for my own use, I often took requests and made graphics for others.  So every time you see a picture on here that took me five seconds to prepare for the Web, the root is in those early forum postings.

    Of course, there is a downside to knowing somebody only virtually.  Just like with texting, it’s easy to miss context and to create things in your mind when you don’t speak to someone in person.  I found in my messages a note from a girl who somehow decided I hated her:

    Don’t worry, I assured her there was no problem, though she is not one of the people I kept in contact with at all.  Oh well.

    This post is entirely too long, so I will close with one final anecdote from that era.  My inbox has a number of messages from Kelley talking about the “random PM game.”  PMs are private messages, or the email-like system on the forums.  You can send one to any registered member, and from tiem to tiem Kelley and I would PM each other a random username.  The game was that we had to send a message to that person, say something nice and send a copy back to the other player to see what we wrote.

    When I think about the comments you see on YouTube or any news article today, the random PM game might be my favorite memory of the forum era.  Today’s Internet could use more random compliments.

  • 08 Mar

    Pure PB&J

    Commercials are designed to get a consumer to use a product or service.  Purex, the maker of laundry detergent, fabric softener and dryer sheets, has done the opposite with their new ad.

    It took them just six seconds to alienate me:

    Did you catch it?  We have two women, with one of them making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

    Now, we don’t know if there are any other people in the house, so I won’t judge the potentially high number of sandwiches she seems to be making.  My quibble is with her technique and the other woman’s reaction:

    Note that the bread on the left is smeared with peanut butter, while the one on the right has the jelly.

    Longtime blog readers will recall that in 2011, I tackled the debate over how these sandwiches should be made.  Many people said my method of putting both the peanut butter and jelly on the same slice was wrong, but my grandma is with me, so it can’t be crazy.

    I don’t want to get into the fact that she clearly did the jelly slice first, which is indisputably nuts.

    As I said in my earlier pb&j posts, the end result is bread, peanut butter, jelly, bread — no matter which construction method you use.  The older woman in the ad has to chime in and suggest there is something wrong with the orientation of the sandwich, creating a hostile lunch environment and a lower level of pb&j enjoyment for all of us.

    The lesson here is to make your commercials more focused on your actual product.  You don’t want to put off a potential laundry detergent customer with the way you talk about sandwiches.

  • 02 Mar

    Oscaring

    Last year was a big one for me as far as seeing most of the major Oscar-nominated movies before the actual ceremony.  This year wasn’t quite as good, but I feel like I put in a decent effort.

    So before the statues get awarded, let me chime in on some of the major categories, ranked in the order I would choose (* means I haven’t seen it yet).

    Best Picture
    12 Years A Slave 
    The Wolf of Wall Street
    Her
    Dallas Buyers Club
    Inside Llewyn Davis (how was this not nominated? maybe my favorite movie of the year)
    Gravity
    American Hustle
    Nebraska (Winter’s Bone award for movie nobody saw, but is pretty decent)
    Captain Phillips
    Philomena*

    Best Actor
    Matthew McConaughey, Dallas Buyers Club (no doubt on this one)
    Chiwetel Ejiofor, 12 Years A Slave (…and yet a close 2nd)
    Oscar Isaac, Inside Llewyn Davis (also not nominated, but I’m putting him in here)
    Leonardo DiCaprio, The Wolf of Wall Street
    Bruce Dern, Nebraska
    Christian Bale, American Hustle

    Best Actress
    Amy Adams, American Hustle
    Sandra Bullock, Gravity (would be okay with her winning)
    Cate Blanchette, Blue Jasmine (hate hate hated this character)
    Judi Dench, Philomena*
    Meryl Streep, August: Osage County*

    Best Supporting Actor
    Jared Leto, Dallas Buyers Club (can we have a tie? I want to split this one)
    Michael Fassbender, 12 Years A Slave
    Barkhad Abdi, Captain Phillips
    Bradley Cooper, American Hustle
    Jonah Hill, The Wolf of Wall Street

    Best Supporting Actress
    Lupita Nyong’o, 12 Years A Slave (should not be close)
    Jennifer Lawrence, American Hustle (sorry…though last year I put you 2nd and you won…)
    June Squibb, Nebraska
    Sally Hawkins, Blue Jasmine
    Julia Roberts, August: Osage County*

    Best Director
    Alfonso Cuaron, Gravity (feels like this movie should win something, so here you go)
    Steve McQueen, 12 Years A Slave
    Martin Scorsese, The Wolf of Wall Street
    David O. Russell, American Hustle
    Alexander Payne, Nebraska

    Best Adapted Screenplay
    The Wolf of Wall Street (3-hour movie that doesn’t feel like 3 hours is doing something right)
    12 Years A Slave
    Captain Phillips
    Before Midnight*
    Philomena*

    Best Original Screenplay
    Her (another movie that needs to win something, definitely “original”)
    Dallas Buyers Club
    Nebraska
    American Hustle
    Blue Jasmine

    My big failure this year: not seeing enough animated features or documentaries.

    By cjhannas movies Uncategorized
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