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  • 24 Aug

    No Lady, I Rode in on Pixie Dust

    Since at least one person found this entertaining, I thought I’d share with the masses. Today I did something quite dumb and ended up in a situation in which I could do nothing but sit down and laugh at myself.

    I went to my grandparents’ house to do a little work which involved going up to their second-floor porch. You get up to the porch by going out a door attached to one of the bedrooms. That is the only way in, and the only way out…unless you are like 12 feet tall. I did the spackling I went up there to do and proceeded to turn the knob on the door to get back into the house. The door was locked. The keys were on the kitchen counter. I am a freaking genius.

    So of course while I was up there and didn’t know I was locked out, there were people everywhere walking by with their dogs, kids, etc. The second I find that I’m locked out…nobody. Not a soul for a good 20 minutes. So I pondered my options, which included popping out the screens and hoping a window was unlocked (none of them were), jumping to the ground below (I value my knees), or waiting until someone finally came along.

    Fortunately, No. 3 eventually happened. I asked a woman if she could go around back and let me in. This woman either didn’t live in the neighborhood (which has pretty much identical houses), or didn’t realize there was exactly one way to get onto that porch. She said, “You want me to just walk through these people’s house?” I kindly informed her that it was my grandparents’ house without mentioning that I hadn’t exactly just materialized on this porch out of thin air or climbed up there on an invisible ladder…there was a key involved, I just don’t freaking have it, thanks. Fortunately my charm (or helplessness) was enough to get her into the house and for her to unlock the door.

  • 23 Aug

    My Own Worst Enemy

    It’s amazing how when we’re really focused on something that we can completely block out other parts of life and give them no consideration whatsoever. With finishing classes on Thursday, a whole region of my brain suddenly turned back on. I never realized the things I had blocked out until I didn’t have to think about moving to Maryland, signing up for classes, and then taking classes all summer and all of the mental capacity that ate up.

    Not to say that’s a terribly good thing…but definitely a different use of my brain than the past two or three months. It didn’t help that I saw a someone for the first time in about a year that really made me think about the mythical “what might have been.” What would life be like now if a few things back then had happened a little differently? They’d be different, very different, but I couldn’t help but feel like they would be just as good. It’s not like I haven’t thought about this before, or in the past year, but actually being there, three inches away and having a conversation made it so much more real.

    Here’s to one more week of being lost in my head, then back to classes and the world of no time to think…

  • 17 Aug

    D-O-N-E DONE

    For those worried about my work ethic…well it’s at a lowpoint, but my paper is done! Now all I have to do is read for 30 minutes while pretending to be a news anchor–for those of you in the area, which I believe is no one, Maryland Newsline is about to get Hannasified. Then it’s home for a day. Then the beach. Then an entire week in which I literally have zero obligations. Can’t beat that.

    By cjhannas Uncategorized
  • 15 Aug

    My Brain is in Charge

    My brain has taken over my life. Seriously. All it has to do is put its foot down about what it wants done, and BOOM, that’s what I do.

    And in the last few days, that’s been procrastination. Brain says “hey, uhh, you know what we should do?” And I say, look brain, I don’t care what you think we should do, I need to work on a paper or a script, one or the other, so pick one of those. Brain says, “Screw that, we’re procrastinating, and since I control all of your function, that’s what we’re going to do.”

    So the brain won. I procrastinated like I was a senior in college…oh wait, that wasn’t that long ago…Well anyway, long story short, or long, instead of working on a mere 5 page paper or on a script for a news package (the LAST two assignments of the summer), I played video games and did random tasks that serve generally no worldy purpose other than to satisfy my OCD-fed need for neatness and order in my personal space.

    But you know what, finishing the LAST things in any semester is always a problem. There’s something about thinking that there’s so little left to do, that you just can’t bring yourself to do it. Oh well. In exactly four days I’ll be in Ocean City for vacation, and there’s no work there for me to put off…Rock.

    By cjhannas Uncategorized
  • 06 Aug

    Bigger Than a Microwave

    Arbitrary things shouldn’t control us…right? I mean, there are so many decisions that end up as a slightly better than random solution, borderline complete guesses as to how the situation should be handled.

    Take microwaves. These things are the king recipients of arbitrary decisions. Need to cook hot dogs? How about a minute. But when was the last time you stopped it at 2 seconds? No no, couldn’t possibly do that, what if they’re not done yet? You’ll never notice the difference.

    If there’s one thing in this world that paaaaaaaains me to do, it’s setting a microwave for a “normal” time like 1 minute or 30 seconds. There’s no point. They may seem like nice correct numbers, but that hot dog cooks just as well at 29 seconds as it does at 32, let alone 30…so why not pick a number that’s more fun? Everyone does 30. 30 is easy. Branch out. Remember, you’re bigger than the microwave, and like computers, casts, small rocks and staplers, you should never lose to anything that is smaller than you.

    By cjhannas nerdness Uncategorized
  • 03 Aug

    I Don’t Want to Grow Up…Oh Wait, I Did

    So it’s my birthday. I don’t generally like birthdays, it’s just another day that in my childhood happened to include a cake and gifts. Now I’m a fan of both cake and gifts, but birthdays are nothing to go crazy over.

    Especially now that I’m old. I mean seriously, I have to tell people that I’m 22 ancient years old and in 8 months will also have to say I have a master’s degree. That’s freaking old.

    I feel a strong urge to go to Toys R’ Us and buy something, anything, just to stave off the whole aging process, or find that time machine from Napoleon Dynamite to go back to a much cooler age like 19. Or maybe I should just have some tots.

    I was also informed that as a 22 year old, alcohol is no longer allowed. I had a year to get in all the drinking I wanted for my entire life, and now it’s time to coast on out. I think it’s cyclical, age 42 and 63 will be trashfests I’m sure.

    By cjhannas Uncategorized
  • 30 Jul

    What the World Needs Now, is Love Sweet Love

    The world is such a lovely place lately isn’t it? With terrorist attacks and wars, genocides and homicides, carjackings and just general disrespect, it’s great to be around other people now, right? Imagine what it would be like if everyone was 5 percent nicer in their day-to-day dealings or spent 5 percent less time thinking about what’s best for themselves and opened up their eyes to the rest of the world.

    Sure, there are times when you have to do what’s best for you and you alone, but that’s an extreme and how often are extremes the best course of action 100 percent of the time? That doesn’t work for political systems, sentencing guidelines or much else, so there’s little reason to think that’s the way to go with people.

    It’s surprising and a bit dismaying how often people treat kindness and someone who gives any part of themself to help another person with shock. Has it come to this? People should not treat kindness with a questioning eye as if the metric system has suddenly taken over or cell phones have been outlawed in the United States.

    Think about what you can accomplish in 5 seconds. Think about what you can accomplish in 2 minutes. Think about what you can accomplish in 2 hours.

    Is it going to kill you to pick up that piece of trash you dropped, or even the one that *GASP* someone else dropped and you pick up even though nobody’s paying you to do it? What about when you’re riding down the escalator at the Union Station after your lunch break and a homeless man falls down at the bottom of the escalator? Can you spare two minutes to help him up and ask if he’s okay?

    5 seconds, 2 minutes, 2 hours may seem like a lot of time to give to another person, after all you could spend that time sleeping, checking away messages or playing video games. But before using “your” time, think about what 5 seconds, 2 minutes, or 2 hours could mean to someone else.

    To quote Aesop, “No act of kindness, however small, is ever wasted.”

    By cjhannas Uncategorized
  • 20 Jul

    Supreme Court…Bush?

    So during what can only be categorized as “thinking time,” the following question came up in my mind: Could our wonderful president (I use the term wonderful in the loosest and most sarcastic forms possible, I promise) nominate himself to fill the pending Supreme Court vacancy left by Sandra Day O’Connor?

    Think about it. He can only be president for a few more years, which has its perks, but as a Supreme Court justice he’s set for life. That’s a guaranteed sweet paycheck with no possibility of being fired no matter how little people agree with you or your job performance. Is there a better gig in America? I think not. So if you are a lame duck president, why not put yourself up for the court? Even if you suck as a president, why not at least give it a shot?

    In reality, there is the slimmest of chances of this actually working since you would need to be so immensely popular with the fine folks in the Senate, (and those American people folks who might punish those Senators when reelection time rolls around) that such a thing will never reach history books.

    And also, if you are going to make a big announcement in prime time of your nomination, at least make it entertaining. Maybe have a sense of humor? Mr. Bush, (pronounced Mr. Rove), you run the greatest PR machine on the planet right now, (including diverting attention away from your own *gulp* mistakes), so why not make this fun for everyone? Why not start the announcement with a fake choice to see who is really paying attention.

    My fellow Americans, I’d like to announce Mr. Jose Padilla as my nominee for the Supreme Court of the United States. He’s a minority, and knows firsthand many of the pressing issues of our day including holding captives for long periods without any sort of judicial proceeding, and for that reason alone I think he’d be great. pause. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5….Oh just kidding, I hope that sucker fries some day (shoots off gun, chokes on pretzel)…I nominate…I nominate…(who did you…I mean I…choose again?) I nominate this guy…

  • 06 Jul

    Encore

    I’ve got a weird exhausted numb frustration vibe going on. The past few weeks have been a strange series of things getting bad, then not so bad, then worse than they were, then a little less bad and then worst and then somehow better. Getting through Saturday should help.

    There’s nothing worse than sleeping a lot and waking up completely exhausted, though I guess I’ve never gone through a weekend so exhausting on so many levels. Then there’s having to sit in a class and listen to a lecture or try to write a story when you want to be someplace else.

    Being done with these three classes, the finals, the getting stories published after being hung out to dry, the constant fear of spelling something wrong and getting an F…and then the viewing and then the funeral.

    Sunday is the start of better things.

    By cjhannas Nana Uncategorized
  • 28 Jun

    Birth Control

    I have once again experienced the greatest birth control known to man, one that is completely free and for anyone in their right mind should be 100 percent effective. It’s called, other people’s kids.

    After watching for years as parents tried to fit their kids for shoes, and those kids did everything possible to thwart such a simple operation, and then today babysitting high school kids at journalism camp, there is no doubt in my mind that children are pure evil put on the earth to drive older beings insane.

    They serve no other purpose, and if it wouldn’t mean the end of mankind I would suggest they be stricken from the earth.

    By cjhannas mall shoes Uncategorized
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