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  • Signing the Dotted Line

    It’s been a while since I put on my sports columnist hat, but with the sudden resignation of Washington Nationals manager Jim Riggleman it seems like an appropriate time to revisit something I used to do every week.

    When the news first broke, I thought someone had made a huge reporting mistake. After all, the Nationals had just won their game to continue an almost unfathomable hot streak. Everything about this team was a constant stream of positivity.

    But there it was, an incredulous tweet from WJLA’s Britt McHenry responding to something sent out by someone I assume is some kind of Nats blogger: “What?! RT @washingnats: I just learned that Jim Riggleman has resigned as manager of the #Nats.”

    McHenry’s “What?!” was how most people reacted in the following hours as Riggleman’s resignation was confirmed. Why would a guy leading one of the hottest teams in baseball right now, one who had garnered so much respect not just with this team but earlier in his career, walk away so suddenly?

    It came down to his contract. Riggleman was in the last year of a deal he signed in 2009, but the team held an option to extend him for next year. He was frustrated they had not given him an extension, which he probably deserved, nor had they seriously held talks with him about his future.

    Nationals General Manager Mike Rizzo says Riggleman gave him an ultimatum less than an hour before Thursday’s game, saying he wanted a new deal or he was walking. The game ended, and Riggleman walked.

    At first, I was totally on Riggleman’s side. I liked him, and who doesn’t enjoy a good “take this job and shove it” or “get two beers and jump” story?

    As I thought about it more today though, the fact that he was under contract bothers me. When you sign on the dotted line, whether you’re a professional athlete, coach, or managing a Denny’s, that’s a commitment. The stuff above the signature lays out what each party will do and for how long. If you don’t like the terms, don’t put your pen to the page.

    The Washington Post quoted Riggleman talking about his contract: “I made it very clear that I didn’t like [it], but you know I can’t say no to it,” Riggleman said, recounting his conversations with team management when he signed the contract. “So there I am, and two years later, I’m realizing, ‘You know what? I was right. That’s not a good way to do business.’”

    Again, if you don’t like it don’t sign. We see this a lot of times before the NFL season with players holding out for a new deal. A star receiver has a career year and decides his old contract is no longer worthy of his abilities. He feels it’s OK to refuse to honor that contract and demand the team pay him more money.

    This always reminds me of a scene in the iconic Adam Sandler version of “Mr. Deeds.” Deeds, played by Sandler, talks to the quarterback of the Jets, who is following the exact script above. Deeds’s (paraphrased) response? “If you had a terrible year could the team just demand you take a pay cut?” Of course not. They can fire you, but the contract probably says they have to pay you some kind of buyout.

    A few years ago I was working as a news producer in Florida on a one-year contract. Part way through the year, my boss brought me an offer for an extension. It was for a little over three years and included a raise, but I didn’t sign it.

    Among other things, I knew at that point I didn’t want to stick around in that city for that length of time. Sure, there wouldn’t have been huge legal consequences if I signed the extension and bolted after two years. But it wasn’t a contract I liked, so I didn’t sign it.

    What I wanted was a one-year extension, but the station decided that wasn’t an option for them. So, instead of throwing a fit and storming out the door, I worked through the end of my deal and we parted on great terms.

    Things don’t have to get crazy.

    June 24, 2011 baseball Uncategorized
  • Trouble Is My Business

    I have another reason for posting, which I’ll get to in a minute, but first I wanted to share a moment to remind you that I’m not that smart.

    I drove home from work this morning and pulled into a parking space. Before I turned off the car I saw the odometer was at an even 57,000 miles.

    “Oh that’s cool, the trip counter is at 254.0 miles — they’re both round numbers. Wait, of course they’re both round numbers. They have to be. Cars all start at zero. Duh.”

    I went inside thinking this was yet another example of me not being that bright. Five minutes went by as I poured a bowl of cereal and went upstairs.

    “No, that’s not right at all. I could have reset the trip counter at any number. They’re both round numbers because I was at a round number on the odometer the last time I got gas. I’m not that dumb after all.”

    So being not smart about being not smart totally makes me smart, right? Whatever.

    What does make you at least seem smart to other people is reading books, and I recently finished another one. It’s Raymond Chandler’s “Trouble is My Business,” the latest in a long list of his books I’ve read starring the no-nonsense detective Philip Marlowe.

    This one was slightly different from the others in that it’s a collection of four stories instead of one novel-length tale. I guess I’ll admit to forgetting that during each of the first three short stories and being surprised when they suddenly ended.

    They’re pretty straight forward detective stories, so there’s nothing really profound to get into. But one thing I like about Chandler’s writing is the kind of language he uses to describe things. It’s probably mostly because this book was published in 1934, but I’ll give him credit anyway:

    “I pulled up in front of a cottage that had a sign in the front yard: Luncheons, Teas, Dinners. A small rabbit-faced man with freckles was waving a garden rake at two black chickens. The chickens appeared to be sassing him back.”

    You don’t see too many writers today talking about sassy farm animals.

    June 21, 2011 books
  • How I Spent My Summer Vacation

    I’m not sure if anyone else has figured this out yet, but vacation days are awesome.

    As I type this, I have been off from work for a solid week and still have a few days to go. I knew this vacation was going to be solid when I got to the airport after working all night, sat down at my gate and saw this:

    That’s a Five Guys if you can’t quite make it out through the greenery. And yes, a cheeseburger at 9:30 a.m. is always a great decision. After landing in Naples, Fla., I spent six days doing this:

    And some of this:

    Whenever I go to the beach I always try to get out to the shore for at least one sunrise. Since I live on the East Coast that’s the only way to see the combination of sun and ocean. On this trip though, I was on the Gulf side of Florida, meaning I could hang out with the sun on a more agreeable schedule. Here’s my half-effort attempt at time-lapsing the sunset:



    I also took a short drive up to Ft. Myers to see a Single-A baseball game between the Ft. Myers Miracle and the Palm Beach Cardinals:



    I’m spending the rest of my time off back home (avoided using the term “staycation” there, you’re welcome). That means two Washington Nationals games and a little bit of this:

    Oh, and some writing too. Updates on that sometime soon.

  • Enero de Mis Sueños

    “I think I can find your dream girl.”

    That was the message I got last week from my friend Kim, who has now apparently taken leadership of my dream girl search committee. I had no idea there was such an entity, but she says she’s particularly skilled in picking out someone’s type.

    I’m happy to report that in just four days she has found the perfect woman for me: January Jones.

    Now, I know what you may be thinking, and yes things with other celebrities who don’t know I exist haven’t gone so well. But those were just shots in the dark (sorry Natalie). This is science, or at least an objective decision made by an outsider using her extensive knowledge of me.

    And if for some reason January doesn’t return my calls, don’t worry. Kim offers a warranty on her dream girl picks and says she’ll find another one.

    June 7, 2011 life plans Uncategorized
  • Team Coco

    I watch a lot of late night television, mainly due to the fact that I work overnights and thus am awake when the shows start at 11:35.

    If you’re a connoisseur of the genre and know me at all, it’s probably no surprise I gravitate towards David Letterman and Jimmy Fallon. But for a short time, I at least had to make a choice in that early time slot. That’s when Conan O’Brien hosted the “Tonight Show.”

    I just finished reading Bill Carter’s “The War For Late Night” which chronicles the rise and fall of Conan’s “Tonight Show” run, from his initial guarantee to host to the day last year when he accepted a settlement from NBC and took his show to TBS.

    I knew all the big-picture stuff about this saga from having watched it play out on TV at the time, and also read about some of the insider stuff as well. It was fascinating to read Carter’s description of how everything was working inside NBC, as well as the Leno and Conan camps, as all the decisions and negotiations were taking place.

    If you’re not familiar, here’s a very basic timeline of what happened:

    -NBC gave Conan a guarantee that he would host the “Tonight Show” after a set number of years, upon which they told Leno he would be done

    -Leno wanted to stay on TV, and combined with NBC’s fear he would bolt to compete with them at say ABC, he ended up with an ill-fated show at 10 p.m. on NBC

    -Neither show did great in ratings, and NBC affiliate stations complained their news ratings were being crushed

    -NBC reacted by floating a plan to move Leno back to 11:35, and shifting Conan and the “Tonight Show” to 12:05

    -Conan balked, the network chose to stay with Leno and pay Conan a multi-million dollar settlement

    Throughout the entire process, and especially in the accounts in the book, Conan comes across as sort of the righteous character in the story. He didn’t do everything perfectly, and maybe what NBC was asking wasn’t so bad, but people generally felt Conan was being screwed.

    The shame is that in the end Conan is now stuck on TBS while Leno continues to dominate the late night ratings on NBC. Carter talked to many of the other players, who gave really candid assessments of the situation and their colleagues. Many of the major names are Letterman disciples and don’t get Leno’s appeal. Jimmy Kimmel, who hosts a show on ABC at 12:05 describes Leno’s brand of comedy saying, “I think he turned comedy into factory work–and it comes across.”

    Sure, there are “Leno people” and everyone is definitely entitled to their opinion about which shows are more entertaining. But I think actor and one-time Conan roommate Jeff Garlin sums up my view pretty well:

    “It’s like comparing John Coltrane to Kenny G,” he says in the book. “One of Kenny G’s albums probably sold more than all of John Coltrane’s library. But you can’t tell me for a second that Kenny G is better than John Coltrane.”

    While I knew a lot about this set of events, a lot of what I enjoyed about this book was learning more about Conan. I was vaguely aware that he had written for Saturday Night Live and The Simpsons, but even as a total Simpsons nerd I had no idea he wrote the amazing “Marge vs. the Monorail” episode and the one where Homer goes back to college.

    But there is also a lot of real insight into Conan’s mind as a creative individual, particularly with the self-doubt that often comes along with the process. Carter describes it as “imposter syndrome” saying that as eager as Conan was to take over the “Tonight Show,” there was always “the thought that, no matter how successful you became, ‘they’re about to catch up to you.'”

    I don’t know many creative people who don’t think that way. As much as we are proud of our work and know that some things we do rock, hitting the “publish” button and sending our stuff out into the world can be extremely nerve-wracking. There’s always a sense that it could be better, and that there has to be some kind of luck to people thinking what we are doing is special. I know that when I was in school, no matter how good my grades were I had the feeling that some day, someone was going to figure out I’m really not that smart.

    I’ll close with Conan’s closing to his “Tonight Show” run. He spent his final days absolutely lampooning NBC in a string of shows that belongs in some kind of entertainment hall of fame. The process crushed him. NBC was ripping away something he had dreamed of since he was a kid sitting and watching the show with his father. And yet, while his legion of young fans who don’t need much to be pushed into a cynical view of the world rallied behind him, Conan said this:

    “Please don’t be cynical. I hate cynicism — it’s my least favorite quality and it doesn’t lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen.”

    Amen.

  • Chicken Nugget Dreams

    In the midst of my sickness last weekend, I did my best to follow advice that really didn’t sound too hard: eat a lot, turn off all possible distractions, and sleep until your body decides it’s time to wake up.

    Everything was going well until I took a nap on Saturday afternoon. What was meant to be a rest-my-eyes session turned into more of a sleep-way-past-dinner coma. Whoops.

    As I stared at the clock and tried to figure out what was going on, it occurred to me I was hungry and really needed to do something about that. Given that it was already after midnight and I didn’t exactly have a ton of energy, naturally my thoughts went to how great it would be for someone to provide food for me.

    Since I don’t yet have lottery winnings to provide for a personal chef, and Natalie Portman decided to go in another direction, all I could hope for was some type of delivery service. Pizza didn’t sound great. Neither did Chinese. What I really needed was some Wendy’s.

    So, in super-productive fashion, I addressed the situation by sending out a melodramatic tweet:

    Below my message, you see a reply from Jason, who happens to have just visited the Philippines. As you can see, Wendy’s does deliver in Manila. (You can read more about Jason’s travels on his blog).

    Not only does Wendy’s deliver, but you can even order online. The website says there are 31 locations in the country. They certainly have something to teach the thousands of Wendy’s restaurants here in the United States who make me go alllllll the way to them.

    As my delirious dreams of delivery faded that night, I started thinking about a backup plan. That involved actually pulling myself out of bed and making the two-mile drive to Wendy’s myself.

    Then I closed my eyes for a second — just a second — and somehow it was 3 a.m., long after Wendy’s had closed. Thank goodness I had some Cocoa Puffs.

  • Oh Blackwater, Keep on Rollin

    I have been sick for a week now, which is extremely rare for me. In fact, the last time I can remember feeling like this was years ago, during my last semester of grad school, when I was sick for roughly 1,871,874 consecutive days.

    OK, it was more like three weeks, but it certainly felt like forever. It was a busy time — I was working basically full-time in our Capital News Service television bureau, taking a class on Monday nights and also working a part-time job on Saturdays.

    I got sick just before Spring Break, which wasn’t really a break for those of us in the bureau. Instead, part of our experience was taking that time to do a long-form package, one we could spend an entire week on. My story was about a proposed housing development on Maryland’s Eastern Shore that critics said would greatly harm the nearby Blackwater National Wildlife Refuge.

    I took my sick self to the statehouse in Annapolis, where I interviewed state lawmakers and representatives from environmental groups. Then it was off to the Eastern Shore towns of Easton and Cambridge where I spent a few days working on the story.

    I remember getting to my hotel the first day and going for a meal at the Denny’s next door before passing out early in the afternoon. I was still holding out hope that somehow a little extra sleep was going to get rid of the sickness before I really got to work the following morning. It didn’t.

    The next day I interviewed the mayor of the town where the development was going and also talked to a ranger at the wildlife refuge. Then I did exactly what any doctor would tell you to do when you’re already sick — I spent an entire windy day outside at the refuge with temperatures in the 20s.

    Content-wise, I think the story turned out pretty well. Even my narration track convincingly hides how I was feeling, though I remember the first few takes being rejected by our bureau director. Apparently sounding like I was in a coma or had just woken up in the middle of the night were not acceptable.

    Fortunately for you, I actually have a tape of this entire show, so you can see my exquisite anchoring skillz along with the story. I’ll even leave in the tease after the story, so you can see me totally mistime how long Aundrea’s part of the script is and turn to the camera way way way early. Enjoy:



    In case you’re interested, in 2007 the state purchased more than two-thirds of the land from the developer, who cut the number of houses in the project by 75 percent and contributed about $2 million for restoration efforts.

    I also eventually got better. All it took was deciding I was actually going to visit a doctor. I woke up the next day completely fine.

    May 29, 2011 Uncategorized video
  • Going Way Back

    Now that there are 400 entries in the archives, I would believe you haven’t taken the time to read through all of the entries, particularly those from the earlier years. So to give you a sense of what was on my mind back then, I pulled 10 of what I think are the better entries from that time (in reverse chronological order, not by merit):

    August 2008 — Do I Know You From Somewhere
    A coworker says I look like a combination of two celebrities, leading me to examine that and other comparisons people have made to famous people.

    June 2008 — The Results, Please
    A question I still want to research: How often do two of the exact same type of car crash into one another?

    February 2008 — World Out Of Order
    A few words from the employee working the Taco Bell drive thru completely derail my life.

    July 2007 — I Wanna Be The First, The Best
    I argue my brother has set a very unique world record involving a pool table and a Playstation.

    May 2007 — Listen Up
    The first of some “fond memories” posts from my frustrating days working at the mall. Not funny at the time, but I love the undercurrent of extreme bitterness.

    May 2007 — Depository Please Receptacle Of Man
    The store gets a new music system that A)makes no sense and B)threatens to literally drive me insane. Good times.

    December 2006 — Oh For The Love Of Pete
    A very short post about what extreme boredom does to a 23-year-old male, plus one of the all-time great not-smart customer moments.

    December 2006 — I’m Suck On The Couch And Can’t Get Up
    Holy bitterness, Batman. The extreme laziness of customers gets to me in a big way, especially when someone calls my store just to ask for the number to another store.

    November 2006 — Helga Gets Worried
    I watch a woman on the Metro become increasingly terrified about the prospects of interacting with the woman sitting next to her.

    May 2006 — It’s All Becoming So Clear
    Going through boxes of papers from elementary school, I find notes about myself from my classmates and find not much has changed since then.

    In case you’ve missed them before, the “best of” 2010 and 2009.

    May 27, 2011 best of Uncategorized
  • Becoming Me

    Last weekend I did something very momentous and took another step closer to fully becoming me.

    Now, before you think too much in the existential sense or that it involved some hallucinogenic-induced soul-searching, know that this step involved my Twitter name.

    The fine people at Twitter actually make it really simple to change your username without affecting anything else about your account. All of your followers and the people you follow stay the same, and pretty much nobody notices.

    So, with that knowledge, I subtly switched from chwilbur to cjhannas, a move that better integrates the “brand” that is my online presence. More importantly though, it should help reduce the chances that I will ever have to explain to another person how the heck I ended up with the name chwilbur.

    My short answer for years has been something like, “It doesn’t mean anything now, and didn’t mean much when I first signed up, it’s just too much of a hassle to change.” Thanks to nobody using AOL Instant Messenger anymore, and my slow migration over to this site for the blog and a somewhat similar gmail address, I don’t have much use for the chwilbur moniker anymore.

    And that’s good, because the true story — the long one — is a bit of an effort to tell, and like the short answer, really has no good substantive reason behind it. But in honor of retiring yet another chwilbur, here goes:

    When I was in high school, let’s say freshman year, I actually started with usernames that were well grounded in my actual name. But back then, it was super lame and un-creative to do that, so I started trying to come up with something clever. After several failed attempts involving Pepsi (my favorite drink at the time) I gave up.

    Then one day I was at my friend MR’s house, and the movie Contact was on TV. If you’re not familiar with Contact, it’s a sci-fi movie based on a book by Carl Sagan. As the credits rolled, MR said to nobody in particular, “For Earl.”

    (confused silence)
    (more confused silence)

    He pointed at the television and again said, “For Earl,” and we waited. Finally, near the end of the credits a dedication to the author popped up: “For Carl.”

    (pure delirious laughter)

    A week or so later, I called MR’s house to see if he wanted to hang out. As the phone rang for the third and fourth times, I remembered he and his family had gone out of town and definitely were not going to answer the phone.

    No matter. The answering machine picked up, and in whatever goofy accent I decided to try out that day I started with, “Hey Earl…this is…uhhh…Wilbur…” And so I accidentally became Wilbur, and thus chwilbur, a name that as I said clearly meant nothing then and means even less now.

    Long live cjhannas.

    I’d like to also take a second and note that this is the 400th post on the blog, a number that seems pretty staggering considering the first year only had 20 posts. It’s incredible to look back and see how much my writing has changed, and even the difference in the kinds of things I write about.

    Last year I did sort of “best of” posts for 2010 and 2009. Tomorrow I’m going to dig up a list of the better ones from the early years, when things were slightly more, um, interesting.

    I thought it would be neat to look at posts Nos. 100, 200, and 300 as a quick snapshot of the changes. But the first two ended up being about books I read, so it’s not as interesting an exercise as I thought it might be. I linked them for what it’s worth.

    Hasta mañana.

    May 26, 2011 technology Uncategorized
  • Glory Days

    When I was in grad school at the University of Maryland, the women’s basketball team won the national championship.

    I happened to be basically working full-time reporting for our campus news station that semester, and given my interest in sports was assigned to cover all things Lady Terps.

    When the team made the Final Four in Boston, my roommate Jon and I were pretty close to heading up to cover the event. All we had to do was get media passes so we could get inside the arena, and we would have been in a car to Massachusetts. Well, the NCAA has some ridiculous procedures, and after hours and hours of making phone calls we figured out it wasn’t going to happen.

    So I did the next best thing, and found an on-campus viewing party that was being held in the movie theater inside the student center. It ended up being probably the best story I did all semester, and though you don’t see it in this video, was followed by my sprinting downtown to cover the resulting riots.



    Since I anchored the show this was in, it doesn’t have the “in College Park, CJH, Maryland Newsline” at the end. I mentioned the prospect of this team turning into a dynasty since all five starters returned the following year. Well, while they remained competitive, things didn’t turn out so well. The next three years went like this:

    -Lost in the second round of the NCAA tournament
    -Lost in the Elite Eight
    -Lost in the Elite Eight

    At least 2006 was fun.

    May 22, 2011 Uncategorized video
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