My friend Anastasia tasked me with watching videos from my one-time nemesis Taylor Swift and discussing how they relate to events in my life.
Technologically, this was one of the more satisfying posts I’ve done in a while thanks to my Chromecast allowing me to watch YouTube videos on my TV:
I started with Blank Space and went down the rabbit hole of videos in the side column.
Let’s just get to the most important part of this video, which depicts my truly ideal relationship:
When you’re riding bikes inside your dope library, what other concerns could you have in life?
“You look like my next mistake.” One could argue given my track record that I make a lot of mistakes in the dating world. After all, for every weird or unsuccessful first date I’ve ever been on (a large number), there was a point at which I thought that person was a great idea. I should be saying this to myself every time from now on.
Wait a minute, are they staying at Mr. Burns’ house? Looks like they’re taking his security hounds for a walk:
“They’ll tell you I’m insane.” To be honest, for a long time I thought this line was “They’ll tell you all your mistakes.” Really though, wouldn’t this be a useful service? You wouldn’t have to ever look if you didn’t want to, but I can’t tell you the number of times I wished I could have a Yelp review of a date. How many stars? What was great, what did she hate? This should be a thing in 2015.
“‘Cause darling I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream.” This in whole sums up my dating life, and yet I’m so thankful that I’ve managed to dodge this is in a single person. Yes, a few interesting experiences, but at least no knives have been involved.
Next stop: Shake it Off. I see Taylor found the outfit I sleep in:
“I go on too many dates, but I can’t make ’em stay…” See the above section, though fortunately I can usually pretty quickly shake it off. I do enjoy her spirit of dorkily trying all of these things in the video, especially when she drops my clumsy spirit animal move to close it out:
Moving on to I Knew You Were Trouble.
“…and I realize, the blame is on me.” This is the hardest thing in any relationship/dating situation. It’s hard not to blame yourself for a lot of things, especially when in hindsight it seems like you should have known better. “Now I realize, the joke is on me.” And then walk away feeling stupid. Shaking off, shaking off, shaking off…
This song reminds me of helping to paint my friend MacKenzie’s apartment, mainly because it was during that operation that I heard this whole album for the first (and only?) time. This was a really “small world” day. While painting in one room, I heard a guy in another room talking about one of his coworkers — roughly the same story I had heard from another friend of mine. I raced in there and confirmed that this guy and my friend worked at the same place with the same ridiculous coworker. To add another element, I also learned around that same time that MacKenzie was friends with a girl in North Carolina who was my niece’s daycare teacher. You want even more? I just learned a few weeks ago that MacKenzie is friends with Anastasia’s housemate. That’s a pretty small world.
I would be remiss if I did not point out the particularly punk Taylor in this video. She looks in this shot roughly how I do when I stare at a blaring alarm clock:
Let’s go to We Are Never Getting Back Together. The band in this video is truly frightening:
Like, seriously what is their deal:
With her new foray into pop, is this the same band she’s had her whole career? I’d like someone to answer this for me so I don’t have to look it up.
“This is exhausting.” Taylor’s catalog of songs about dating distilled into three simple, poignant words.
I don’t know about, but now I’m feeling 22. Speaking of perfectly speaking to my life, let’s talk about this T-shirt:
“Not a lot going on at the moment.” Yeah that pretty well describes sitting on my couch watching Taylor Swift videos. No overscheduled life for this guy.
“It feels like one of those nights, we won’t be sleeping.” If that’s not about a guy who works overnights then I don’t know what is. “It feels like a perfect night, for eating breakfast at midnight.” Oh that nails it too. I have no idea what to call each meal of the day, but generally settle on moving “lunch” to the middle of the night and leaving the others alone.
Next on the playlist: Teardrops on My Guitar by SUPER YOUNG TAYLOR WITH STONES GLUED TO HER HAND.
Sorry for the CAPS, that was just a huge change in looks.
I had this song stuck in my head a lot when it was on the radio. I was living in Jacksonville, Fla., and my alarm clock struggled to dial in the local rock station, so I had it set to the pop station. Day after day after day it went off in the wee hours with Taylor lamenting this boy she was super into but who was otherwise entangled. Not the ideal song for waking you up, but often it would be followed by something like this that would make me get out of bed:
Back to Taylor and You Belong With Me. I think this is her most effective “YOU’RE MAKING TERRIBLE LIFE CHOICES BY CHOOSING SOMEONE ELSE OVER ME” song. She gets right to the point: “You belong with me.” It’s a little toward the stalker end of the spectrum, but I get it. It sucks when you see someone in a relationship that is clearly not ideal and you feel you would be better, and yet the world doesn’t play along. This dude is with me:
Later he sign-asks if she’s going to the prom(?) and she sign-replies that she is not, and will instead spend the evening studying. I did that, without the sign part, and swapped out studying for selling shoes at my part-time job. Fourteen years later, I stand by my decision. (She does end up going, but whatevs.)
Let’s do two more, starting with Love Story.
Taylor rocks a lot of curly hair in this era. Brief research indicates her hair is naturally curly. What’s the deal with straightening? I know several people who I personally think look pretty damn great with curly hair and yet talk about how they spend hours every week straightening it. One has told me it’s more “predictable,” which as a short-haired individual I can’t begin to appreciate versus the effort involved. But I say girls with curls, let them be!
This song is also one that helped launch my feud with Taylor, as described in this classic post.
And we’re closing out with Everything Has Changed. This is a nice story about two kids who appear to have grown up and gone to school together. The tiny Ed Sheeran is pretty entertaining:
“All I know since yesterday is everything has changed.” The growing up together angle, and this line about their situation wholly shifting in a day pretty well describes a major part of my book. Remember that little project? It’s been a while since I’ve talked about it here, but on my desk right now is an edited manuscript, and in my life is a friend who has pledged to paint me a cover design. In your life in the not too distant future is the chance to actually read the thing.
Until next time.
