Category: food

09 Dec

I Pity the Food

Today I had one of those thoughts that makes me wonder if I’m slightly crazy, or if others have similar things knocking around in their heads.

I bit into the peanut butter and jelly sandwich I had made myself for lunch. I was legitimately surprised that it was a PB&J.

For the past few weeks, I have been bringing peanut butter and marshmallow fluff sandwiches to work. For some reason today I decided to switch things up — making a very conscious choice to not have the fluff.

But somewhere between the kitchen and my chair at work, I forgot about that decision. I hope someone else in the world was surprised by their sandwich today.

I was also taken aback this week by the fine folks at Post cereals. According to a coupon in the paper I can tell you they make such things as Honeycomb, Cocoa Pebbles, Fruity Pebbles and Alpha-Bits.

I have no problems with any of their products, but apparently they have an issue with an adult eating their cereal. Check out the coupon:

Apparently you can only get a discount buy purchasing two “Kids Cereals.” All the grocery stores I go to only have an aisle for cereal. They don’t feel the need to segregate morning foods, and Post, you shouldn’t either. This may call for an email. Stay tuned for updates.

One last food-related item for today.

Last weekend I was at a Christmas party that featured some cookie decoration. While I made some tasty treats, there was a clear masterpiece in my group:

I tried to make another cookie holding a gun, but it didn’t turn out too well. Maybe next year I’ll get my decorating skills up to par.

By cjhannas Christmas food Uncategorized
02 Nov

The Smell of Cheap Living

Before the meal was finished cooking, it was the smell that took me to another place.

I didn’t have to taste it. That smell is so distinct it has a permanent place in my memory.

All of a sudden I was taken from my kitchen in Virginia back to the tiny thing in our Maryland apartment that fit the loose definition of a kitchen. I’m still not sure how more than one of us stood in there at the same time.

The trip back to College Park was made possible by the meal that quite literally got me through grad school — hot dogs. Or more specifically, Bar S hot dogs.

The absolute cheapest hot dogs you can buy

I’m not sure I want to know how many of those things I ate during my time at the University of Maryland. I was working two part time jobs and subsisting on a steady diet of peanut butter & jelly, pasta and Bar S.

The hot dogs — at 10 for 99 cents — were such a staple that I didn’t even write them on my grocery lists. I automatically picked up two packs of hot dogs and two packs of buns. I’d say I easily went through at least a pack a week between lunches and dinners (and snacks).

Since I lived there for a year, that would work out to eating more than 500 of them.

I was at Giant last week and actually had hot dogs on my list. Since none of the quality brands were on sale, I thought I’d take get nostalgic with a nice pack of Bar S (which now come in packs of 8 and cost more like $1.50).

It only took about 20 seconds in the microwave for that very distinct smell to come wafting through the kitchen. I’m sure my roommates at Maryland, Jon and Jason, would immediately recognize it as well.

Though they’ll probably live much longer lives having not ingested so many of the “quality” products. I think I will give Bar S some more time before trying them again. Nostalgia needs a break.

By cjhannas food hot dogs Uncategorized
25 Mar

Paying the Not-Paying-Attention Tax

Today I charged myself a tax. Granted, it was only 50 cents, but its effect will be long-lasting.

After grabbing a sandwich from Subway, I went up to the vending machine area at work to grab a soda. In my hand was a crisp one dollar bill, which I planned to use on one 50-cent can of soda goodness.

I looked for a moment at the bottled soda, which costs a dollar but does provide more overall ounces. But as I inserted the dollar into the machine, I figured I could get more soda for that dollar if I just got two cans.

And then I out-thought myself. Seeing root beer in the machine, my question of which kind of canned soda to acquire was instantly answered. I punched in B6 and waited for root beer glory to descend into the customer pickup area at the bottom.

No sooner did I hit the numbers did I realize I was a dumbass. This particular machine has a clear front, so you can see the cans just like bags of pretzels in a snack machine. Only in the root beer section, the first two slots were empty meaning there was exactly a -34989 chance I was getting a root beer.

As I picked my change out of the machine I pondered my next move. I could walk down the hall to the vending machine powers that be and issue a complaint for a refund. But then I decided I very much deserved that 50-cent punishment for being an idiot.

I used the remaining pair of quarters to get a Dr. Pepper and move on with my life having learned a valuable lesson.

Here’s to never paying the not-paying-attention tax ever again.

By cjhannas food not smart Uncategorized
13 Oct

Personal Greatness

This week, perhaps Wednesday, I set a new personal record in a field in which I used to be quite an authority–soda drinking.

At 4:37 a.m. on that glorious day, I opened and drank a Mountain Dew.

Easily the earliest I’ve ever done that. It was a good day.

By cjhannas food Uncategorized
04 Jul

A Good Day

It’s National Hot Dog Month, and also July 4th. Is there a more perfect time to eat six hot dogs in one day? I didn’t think so.

For the record, two were boiled for lunch and the other four were grilled for dinner.

I’m also now unemployed, and about to head to the beach for nine days. Life is good.

By cjhannas food hot dogs Uncategorized
18 Jan

Please Make it Stop

I’ve been here for 7.5 hours. I have sold one pair of shoes. That sale was 6 hours ago. In that time I have had four times as many glasses of water (4). Another employee, who has not even been here for three days, has sold just as many pairs of shoes as I have (1). I have consumed as many cheesesteaks as pairs of shoes sold (1). I have consumed as many Cinnabons as pairs of shoes sold (1). I have consumed as many hot chocolates from Cinnabon as pairs of shoes sold (1).

Shoot me now.

EDITOR’S NOTE: I arrived at 12:58 p.m. I made that one shoe sale at 1:47 p.m. for $59.99. I left at 9:30 without making another sale, and somehow without killing myself.

PPS: The next day, I had a $74.99 shoe returned the next day, making my two-day total negative.

By cjhannas Cinnabon food insanity mall shoes Uncategorized
13 Dec

Oh for the Love of Pete

I’ve never been more bored in my entire life.

Some people eat when they are sad. Some people eat when they are hungry. Some people eat when they are depressed.

I just ate 8 Chicken McNuggets out of little more than pure boredom and the opportunity to leave the store for 4 minutes to acquire those nuggets.

The only entertaining part of today was when a woman asked to use the fitting room. It’s located in the back corner of the store, a mere 5 feet from where she was standing. It has a sign that says in big letters “Fitting Room.”

I said sure, it’s unlocked. She walks right past it, and into the backstock. Sadly, that’s not remotely the first time that’s happened.

By cjhannas food mall shoes Uncategorized
19 Nov

Mars Food and Pennies

On my way into New York on Thursday, my train stopped. The conductor got on the horn and explained that there was track work being done and we had to wait for another train to pass before we could proceed. It would just be a minute he said.

A few rows behind me, a very loud-talking fellow passenger apparently couldn’t hear the message over his own voice.

“I’m on the train. It’s stopped. I have no idea why. Yeah, it’s not even moving. I don’t know what’s up.”

Maybe he should have listened instead of subjecting the rest of us to his loud one-sided conversation. But then again, I did learn about his medical problems 12 seconds later.

“Yeah they said it’s an outpatient thing. No it’s not a stone, it’s a tear in my intestine.”

And with that my day was complete. Or so I thought.

Waiting in my future was the greatest dining experience of my life, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to eat on the planet Mars.

That’s right, Mars. Or more specifically, Mars in the year 2112. My cousin and I were deciding on where to eat, and she mentioned that such a place existed, and without question that is where we were heading.

A man in an aluminum-looking suit with crazy hair greets you and asks if you want to walk to Mars or take the spaceship. We took the spaceship, a 22-seat craft that got us to the planet in a mere matter of minutes.

The red planet is, well, very red. It’s rocky, has a penchant for techno music and some apparently friendly aliens who entertain children and adults alike. And the don’t have just chicken parmesan, they have cosmic chicken parmesan. It was very cosmic.

As their website says, “Why spend another ho-hum evening planet side, eating and seeing the same old stuff you have been eating and seeing for years?”

And now I can cross “Eat on Mars” off my life to-do list.

And just for the heck of it, 1968pennies.com, where they’ll put your name on the donors list if you send them a penny from 1968. They say tons of pennies were made that year, many to be lost or forgotten. That’s why they want to collect them, to save them for future generations to enjoy.

By cjhannas family food Uncategorized
09 Nov

Fast Food Fantasmagory

I’ve read a lot of news stories this week: Democrats Seize Control of House; VA Senate Race Still Too Close To Call; ’60 Minutes’ Ed Bradley Dies; Britney, K-Fed Call It Quits. But there’s one that I read every word of, one that had the magic ingredient to keep my attention–food.

That story appeared in the Boston Globe, detailing the latest use of call centers. These are the centers where you call for help with your Dell, and “Lance” from Delhi walks you through installing your printer, or “Mary” from Moscow helps you check the balance on your Visa.

The newest iteration is Chuck–or “Chuck”–from New Hampshire asking if you’d like fries with that. That’s right, the next time you roll up to a Wendy’s, your order may not be taken by anyone inside the restaurant or even the same state. To improve efficiency, that position has been outsourced to another location.

On the surface, that sounds utterly stupid and seems like another example of the downfall of the common worker. But there actually is something to it, at least according to Wendy’s, which is testing the system now in California and looking to expand the program next year.

The company says it will actually improve both the speed and accuracy of your drive-thru experience. The person taking your order does just that, takes your order. The person making your food makes the food. The person taking your money takes your money. By simplifying everyone’s role, the opportunity for mistakes decreases.

And I buy that. How many times have you pulled up to a drive thru window and seen a woman with a headset filling three cups with soda, grabbing stacks of napkins, handing you your change, checking your bag for fries, and asking if you’d like any sauce all while taking the order of the guy right behind you?

I value my fast-food experience, particularly my Wendy’s fast-food experience, and anything the geniuses there think is a good idea, I’m behind.

By cjhannas food technology Uncategorized
11 Jul

What’s Better than M&Ms?

Hit up the OC (that’s Ocean City) this weekend for some relaxation and general merriment.

Visited the always wonderful Dumser’s Dairyland on Friday night for some ice cream and had what might be the first American, English-speaking waitress to ever serve us there. Her name was Jennifer. She had freakishly good handwriting, as you can see here displayed as my order for chocolate ice cream with M&Ms…

“You get another topping with that”
“How about more M&Ms?”

So Jennifer drops off our ice cream and the check, comes back later to see if we need anything, and I drop the smooth line, “Hey, you have really nice handwriting.” She seems a little embarrassed and says that people give her crap for it all the time, so of course I–who have perhaps the world’s worst handwriting–tell her that she should be proud of it. And though we didn’t need anything else, she definitely checked on us a good three more times, including one mysterious time when she took our fully functioning salt shaker and brought it back a minute later. Good times.

Also oddly fun, as always, is waving to random people when driving down Coastal Highway, which everyone uses to get just about everywhere. People walking down the street, standing at a corner, waiting in the median, all targets of the random wave. And surprisingly, there seems to be about an 80 percent chance you get a wave back. I mean, here you are standing on the median in Ocean City and someone in a car you’ve never seen before waves at you…and for some reason you wave back…

But boy is it entertaining when they do, and then get this look of “Why did I just do that/who the bejeezus was that?”.

There are some more pictures on facebook, but I of course am too, what’s the word I’m looking for…oh right, lazy to post them in another fashion.

By cjhannas beach food Uncategorized