Today I charged myself a tax. Granted, it was only 50 cents, but its effect will be long-lasting.

After grabbing a sandwich from Subway, I went up to the vending machine area at work to grab a soda. In my hand was a crisp one dollar bill, which I planned to use on one 50-cent can of soda goodness.

I looked for a moment at the bottled soda, which costs a dollar but does provide more overall ounces. But as I inserted the dollar into the machine, I figured I could get more soda for that dollar if I just got two cans.

And then I out-thought myself. Seeing root beer in the machine, my question of which kind of canned soda to acquire was instantly answered. I punched in B6 and waited for root beer glory to descend into the customer pickup area at the bottom.

No sooner did I hit the numbers did I realize I was a dumbass. This particular machine has a clear front, so you can see the cans just like bags of pretzels in a snack machine. Only in the root beer section, the first two slots were empty meaning there was exactly a -34989 chance I was getting a root beer.

As I picked my change out of the machine I pondered my next move. I could walk down the hall to the vending machine powers that be and issue a complaint for a refund. But then I decided I very much deserved that 50-cent punishment for being an idiot.

I used the remaining pair of quarters to get a Dr. Pepper and move on with my life having learned a valuable lesson.

Here’s to never paying the not-paying-attention tax ever again.