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  • Yes I’m At 123 Box Rd, Box, VA

    The clock is ticking. Pretty soon everyone will be out of money. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

    Now I don’t have a degree in economics, hell I haven’t even taken a class that would even come close. But I have taken math, and according to math, money is about to disappear at a faster rate than ever.

    So for anyone who doesn’t get a Christmas present from me this year, don’t despair, I’m just looking out for No. 1. Or just go blame the people at Giant food and modern medicine, it’s all their fault.

    The other day I went to the grocery store to replenish my stay-alive necessities like pasta, hot dogs and oatmeal. Being a grad student working two part-time jobs, this is the kind of expedition I like to make as frugal as possible. So instead of laying out $3 for eight hot dogs from the fine people at Ball Park or Oscar Mayer, I rock the $0.99 for 10 dogs from Bar S. That is, I used to do that.

    Apparently Rep. Deborah Pryce (R-Ohio) was using some fuzzy math when she said we are in “one of the strongest economies this country has ever seen.” Excuse me, Madamme Representative, the price of my hot dogs skyrocketed 59 percent this week. That’s a problem for low-income Americans, especially as we head into the home stretch of the holiday season. My new monthly budget has to take that increase into account, meaning I may no longer have a place to cook those hot dogs when I have to move out of my apartment and into a cardboard box.

    Now I know you may be thinking, “Gee, this kid is complaining about the price of hot dogs, but really how many would he have to eat in order to be in such dire financial straits?” The answer? A lot. I’m no Kobayashi, but I assure you that I do come somewhat close to his monthly hot dog intake, I just tend to savor them a bit more on the way down.

    But in case outrageous hot dog prices don’t convince you that money as we know it is no more, how about health care? Back in the day, things like Medicare and Social Security were easier for the government to handle since people died at much younger ages. But now we are in a bit of trouble. People are living longer than ever, which means supporting them will take cash from other programs. Of course we could always just use the disappearance of money as a chance to just pretend we have some…not like we’ve ever done that before.

    If you’re rather well-off, or plan to hit the lottery before becoming ripe, you might not think such a financial problem is, well, a problem. But those with a little less of a cash cow are in a little more of a jam. On a good day in my box, I might feel the urge to head down to the public library and download some sort of government assistance form, whip out a pen and fill it out.

    Then of course I have to mail the form to the government. (Let’s say that even if there is an electronic submission option, my time in the box has left me wary of identity theft). In order to mail something in the United States, you need a stamp from the postal service. But after climbing out of $11 billion in debt during the last 35 years, they feel the need to go further and put $3 billion in escrow. Which means the price of stamps will go up more than 5 percent in early January. Guess I better plan on getting a smaller box.

    -This blog brought to you by Procrastination and the letter Y.

    December 5, 2005 grocery store hot dogs mail Uncategorized

  • Better Try the Other Door

    So I went to campus this morning to take care of one quick task, only to be delayed by the building not being open. As I approached, I saw several people sitting outside, which on a Sunday morning gave me a hint that there was something going on. So I went to the door closest to me, and as I got close I could read the posted hours that said it opened at noon. It was about 11:30, so I went and had a seat with the others.

    About 10 minutes later, a woman came from the same direction I had come and went to the same door. She obviously didn’t see the hours sign and gave a tug on the door handle. No luck. Instead of looking at the large white piece of paper in the window, she mumbled something under her breath and went to the second door. Again, no luck. Again, didn’t look at the sign. She goes to the third door. Doesn’t open. Goes to the fourth door, doesn’t open.

    By this point, there’s a good 20 people outside on a brisk Sunday morning…we’re not having a social session here, we’re waiting for the building to open. So she goes to fifth and final door, and again it doesn’t open. She’s mighty pissed off at this point and stops to take in the sight of the rest of us sitting there–most trying not to chuckle at her misfortune. Only then does she realize that there is a reason we are all outside, and only then does she approach one of the doors with the purpose of reading the sign. And then she left, only about five minutes before the building opened.

    November 20, 2005 not smart Uncategorized

  • Microwave = Miracle Cooking Device

    I use a microwave to cook a large majority of my food. We have one, it cooks my food quickly and without any need to pay attention to it. So why would I consider anything else?

    Nobody is with me on this. I mean nobody. I’ve had conversations with one or two people who have said that cooking certain things like hot dogs is nasty when done in the microwave. But today four different girls in my producing class jumped on the “That’s gross” bandwagon. I don’t see what all the hubbub is about.

    The food is cooked. I’m not dumb, I eat cooked food. 30 seconds in the microwave is enough to thoroughly heat every piece of a hot dog, and since I eat at like 10 of them a week I consider myself a bit of an expert.

    “You’ll get sick,” they say. Really? I’ll get sick? Is that why it’s NEVER happened? I’ve been cooking for myself just about every day since May, and have yet to get sick from any of it. The food is cooked and perfectly safe to eat.

    Tonight’s big issue was beef (or rather ground turkey) for use with pasta. I cook the pasta on the stove, one of the only things I do cook there (rice being the other). So while that is going, I can pop the ground turkey in the microwave for a few minutes without having to tend to it, and boom, easy meal. I’ve never seen so many people disgusted at something I said than when I explained this process.

    Then again, all of the detractors have been girls, and it’s been established that they are absolutely INSANE….Thoughts?

    November 7, 2005 food Uncategorized

  • Halloween

    Think back to your Trick-or-Treating days (that’s tonight for my heroes). Remember those houses where you would get an apple, a coupon for a free Karate lesson, raisins or trail mix? You know inside was someone who thought they were sticking it to the system and trying to do good. They figured you were getting all this candy at the other houses, so someone had to keep you somewhat healthy. And that’s where they went wrong.

    Halloween is about candy. Always has been, always will be. Don’t believe those stories in the paper about the roots and evolution of Halloween. It’s always been about the candy. So why do people give out apples and Karate coupons? That doesn’t do anyone any good. Those are the people who get their house egged, get Karate chopped in the back and their car stolen, or have apples hurled on their roof three seconds after they close the door.

    You are not helping anyone by not giving candy. Kids don’t get all dressed up and walk all over the neighborhood to get an apple. You’re not doing the parents any good either because they now have to console a kid who didn’t get candy from you. There is not a kid in America who couldn’t walk up to their mother, ask for an apple, and get one. You can’t say that about candy. Give the kids what they want. Avoid getting Karate chopped when you get out of your car. Avoid the eggings and apples on your roof. Happy Halloween.

    October 31, 2005 Uncategorized

  • I’m No. 2!!!

    Driving back to Murrrrrland today I saw a license plate that said “NO 2 DAD.” Now there are two obvious ways to read this one. First, and least likely, is that this guy wanted to buy his choice vehicle and his father objected. Not only did the guy still buy the car, he went the extra step to stick it to his father by getting the license plate.

    The second possibility is even more entertaining. For anyone who has seen the Seinfeld episode where Jerry gives his dad the No. 1 Dad t-shirt, the prospect of someone proclaiming themselves as the No. 2 Dad is highly comical. I’ll even look past the fact that the guy was making an illegal left turn at the time I passed him…

    October 30, 2005 nerdness Uncategorized

  • The Great PB&J Debate

    Peanut Butter & Jelly sandwich: breakfast food or lunch food?

    Discuss.

    October 18, 2005 food Uncategorized

  • Puzzling

    I hate crossword puzzles. Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate them. But I also enjoy them a lot.

    What’s with the disparity?

    The last two boxes. That’s right, the only things that stand between me and a sense of great satisfaction. Today is Monday, so it’s the “easy” puzzle of the week. I agree. 69 Across clues, 63 Down clues. I have two boxes left.

    Now I could just hop on Google and figure this out in 2.1 seconds. But that’s cheating. I will feel no better finishing that way because quite frankly, that’s not finishing.

    Usually it’s stuff that I feel OK about not knowing–french words, German authors, a Croatian prince, a 1932 Broadway play–things I’m aware I don’t know and can put the puzzle aside knowing that I did my best.

    Today is not one of those days. 39 Down: Verb Type (abbr.). I should be all over that. No clue. 38 Across: Debra of “Love Me Tender”. No clue, though I feel as if this is someone I should have heard of. With what I’ve got around that, I’m pretty sure the box I’m missing is a vowel….but it could literally be any one of them. That makes me mad.

    I will now spend the rest of the night, and a portion of tomorrow staring at these two boxes as they mock me and my inability to attack them with my pencil. Then I’ll cheat. Then tomorrow’s puzzle will cause me more anguish. In the words of Ren & Stimpy, Happy Happy Joy Joy.

    September 26, 2005 nerdness Uncategorized

  • Squirrel Accident

    So today I ventured out on the wild and wonderful bike trail system of beautiful Prince George’s County. Gotta say, not so bad….except for some questionable stretches…

    About 10 miles in I go around this corner and see a large tree. At the base of the tree is a squirrel, just sitting there, not doing anything. The squirrel has a look in his eye. I’ve seen this look before. It’s the one you see driving on a two lane road lined by trees, where the squirrel could pick any moment to try to make his mad dash across. Of course he’s a squirrel, so there’s not a lot of thought that goes into it. It’s pretty much, I’m tired of waiting, let’s give this a shot. It’s usually a bad choice.

    So I make eye contact with this squirrel and give him the mental “Dude, I’ll be past you in five seconds, there’s no one behind me, you can safely cross then or 20 minutes after with no problems. Don’t. Go. Now.” It turns out that either myself or the squirrel lacks the ability to communicate through telepathy–I blame the squirrel–and he made a break for it. As he started to move I thought, surely I’m not going to have to slow down to avoid hitting a squirrel. Nobody runs over a squirrel on their bike. It just doesn’t happen.

    It’s a good thing I slowed down. If it wasn’t for a swerve to the right thrown into the mix, I would have had dinner.

    The lesson in all of this? Squirrels are out of their mind. And lack telepathy skills. And bow hunting skills.

    September 24, 2005 animals biking Uncategorized

  • What I Remember

    It was a Tuesday. I was in Smith Hall, my home for the first year of college where I had arrived just a few weeks earlier. I was getting ready for class and had CNN’s American Morning on to catch up on the news. “A small plane had hit the World Trade Center in New York,” they said. “Might be a problem with air traffic control.” They were working on getting more.

    I went to class. Introduction to Broadcasting with Mr. Larry Augustine in Bogar Hall. He came in late. “Another plane has hit the World Trade Center,” he said. We had a short class session talking about who knows what. During a break he went to check on the situation. He came back and said one of the towers had collapsed, and the Pentagon was on fire. “I think we should all go home,” he said, in a voice I never heard from him during the rest of my time there.

    I went back to my room, just a short walk across the grass that was the field hockey field. My door was locked and the keys were inside. Across the hall was a guy whose name I have forgotten, but I spent the next 15 minutes in his room staring at the television with him talking about where our families were from and finding out everyone was safe.

    I spent the rest of the day down the hall in Mindy’s room. CNN was on in the room, but we caught only bits of it for the first few hours. She was on her cell phone trying to get in touch with her family in New York, but wasn’t having much luck with the overloaded phones there. In between calls she said “this is messed up,” or just “oh my God.” Her family was fine we eventually found out, and in the days to come she learned of so many of those close calls we all heard about in the days and weeks that followed.

    That’s what I won’t forget.

    September 11, 2005 Uncategorized

  • No Lady, I Rode in on Pixie Dust

    Since at least one person found this entertaining, I thought I’d share with the masses. Today I did something quite dumb and ended up in a situation in which I could do nothing but sit down and laugh at myself.

    I went to my grandparents’ house to do a little work which involved going up to their second-floor porch. You get up to the porch by going out a door attached to one of the bedrooms. That is the only way in, and the only way out…unless you are like 12 feet tall. I did the spackling I went up there to do and proceeded to turn the knob on the door to get back into the house. The door was locked. The keys were on the kitchen counter. I am a freaking genius.

    So of course while I was up there and didn’t know I was locked out, there were people everywhere walking by with their dogs, kids, etc. The second I find that I’m locked out…nobody. Not a soul for a good 20 minutes. So I pondered my options, which included popping out the screens and hoping a window was unlocked (none of them were), jumping to the ground below (I value my knees), or waiting until someone finally came along.

    Fortunately, No. 3 eventually happened. I asked a woman if she could go around back and let me in. This woman either didn’t live in the neighborhood (which has pretty much identical houses), or didn’t realize there was exactly one way to get onto that porch. She said, “You want me to just walk through these people’s house?” I kindly informed her that it was my grandparents’ house without mentioning that I hadn’t exactly just materialized on this porch out of thin air or climbed up there on an invisible ladder…there was a key involved, I just don’t freaking have it, thanks. Fortunately my charm (or helplessness) was enough to get her into the house and for her to unlock the door.

    August 24, 2005 family Nana not smart Poppop Uncategorized
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