People’s opinions on Taco Bell vary widely, and nowhere is that more true than in the dating world.  Sure, there are those who celebrate the wonderful contributions that Taco Bell makes to our lives, but much more often even the knowledge that I like said deliciousness leads to texts like this:

That was a pre-emptive shutdown of the idea of going to Taco Bell, which I wasn’t even offering in the first place.  I mean, what could be worse than eating a simple meal with someone you like?

Of course, some people make their Taco Bell feelings clear in their profile, which seems to me like the perfect method for filtering.  So I used one site’s search feature to compile a quick sampling TB attitudes.

It so does count!  Come on!  We’ll never succeed as a species if we don’t proudly stand behind our beliefs!

You’re BAD.  I’m sorry, that was harsh.  But so was making such a declaration about TB.  You might even say it was preachy.  I should also point out that this person’s profile picture is a rabbit.

Well, I can appreciate your views and thank you for respectfully setting culinary expectations.

Listen, lady, there’s no need to curse.  You could have just stopped two sentences earlier and been totally cool.

Oh now this is a different problem altogether.  I can’t decide if the first issue to tackle is a nice Taco Bell lunch or this cobweb situation.  At the very least I need to know what an alternative pronunciation would even be.

Forget math, musical ability or naming state capitals backwards, this is a true talent.

This one started out so well, and then I completely stopped understanding her point.  What kind of life prioritizes abs over chalupas?  Not one I want, that’s for sure.

Wow, I can save you a lot of time.  The basic process is acquiring Taco Bell food (either by walking into the restaurant and ordering when your turn in line comes up, or by utilizing the drive thru), then you unwrap the menu item you’d like to eat, open your mouth, place a portion of the item inside, bite down, chew and swallow.  It’s actually the exact same process you would use when drunk, so it shouldn’t be too hard for you to figure out.

You just did publicly admit that, and there’s no shame!  Sing it loud and proud!!!  I moved last year to a place farther away from Taco Bell.  It’s only half a mile farther, but I can feel the separation in my bones.

You’re out.

This is not the Taco Bell experience I desire.  Have a blessed life.

There’s no need to bring social desirability into this.  You do you, and if that’s Taco Bell, then great!  All the haters have plenty of each other to choose from.

Amen.  Are you free Friday night?