Refrigerate Your Fancy Penguin


Before working full-time at my current job I was a contractor there, which involved having to officially register as a business.  I was my only employee, but still ended up on tons of databases of small businesses.  That means that to this day I still frequently get mail from places like Comcast Business and others trying to get me to sign up my “company” for their services.

One of the things I got recently was a giant catalog featuring just about any supply you could want to run an office.  Since I don’t have one, there’s no need for me to buy, but that shouldn’t stop us from examining the wonderful things that are available.

I’ve always struggled with how to best ship my deer statues, but now all my problems are solved!

Why do I get the feeling there are teeth in those bags?  Are they included in the price?

I honestly couldn’t decide which of these to show.  On the one hand, it would be great to finally control all the crowds that follow me around, but at the same time it’s so hard to look past a product name like “wire dump bins.”

Forget grabbing a cart at the grocery store that’s already been used by 10 random people that day.  It’s time I stepped up and got my own.  Maybe one in each color?

For the love of Pete, DO NOT FREEZE YOUR PENGUINS!  Or do?  This collection of signs is very confusing.

As a former footwear professional and one-time taker of a college physics course, I have to vehemently disagree with this aspiration.  Tell people it’s like walking on pillows.  That’s a real thing they can do.  Attempting to walk on clouds will not end well for your business.

Who knew brooms were available in so many colors?  As a business owner, I would be paralyzed by the decision of which to get.  Except the white one.  I don’t know what kind of psychopath would order that.

Once I’ve got my crowd controlled, I should have a nice place for them to quietly sit and observe the world.  Thank goodness I can order some nice aluminum bleachers!  But only three rows of you can come at one time, so please form an orderly line.

Beard net.  A beard net.  A net for beards.

I’ve seen lots of cones in my life and to my recollection they were all orange.  I assumed that was pretty much all that was made, like the way tires are black.  Yellow?  I can see maybe some use for those.  Is there a chance anyone has bought a single blue one though?  I kind of want to put in an order so they can email back saying, “Ohhh sorry, we Photoshopped that to make it seem like a more diverse line, but we don’t actually make the blue ones lolllll.”

November 6, 2015 By cjhannas Uncategorized Share:
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