Apparently, chivalry isn’t dead. At least, when it comes to car doors that is.
This evening my roommate and I spent quite a while trying to defend his lack of opening car doors for his girlfriend. Our argument is that it is an antiquated expectation that is unrealistically held in the minds of few girls these days.
After all, it is 2009 and not 1919. I believe I even suggested she go back to the 1840s.
But I turned to a scientific process for help, and by that I mean I texted three females for their views. My exact question: “Would you expect a guy to open a car door for you to get in?”
Their responses:
“Not anymore, but he always did when we were dating” — from Married in Raleigh.
“Only if he is driving” — from Hitched in Pennsylvania.
“I don’t know if expect is the right word. But I certainly would like it and regard it highly…sorry, you’re wrong” — Independent in New Jersey.
Damn.
I’ll go ahead and admit that the first source was a bad decision on my part. The guy in that relationship is my brother, and he is one of those who makes the rest of us look bad. Maybe I should have asked more people dating jerks.
Yet even with this evidence, I still stand by our position. It’s not 1919, and a lot has changed in the relationships between men and women. We did draw a distinction between cars and holding doors to buildings/rooms, which we agreed was just a generally polite thing to do. I have no issues there.
I argued that in an era of women’s liberation, it should be a matter of personal honor to open your own door. After all, it’s not like it’s a physically hard thing to do. You pull and handle and get in. If anything, all you’re doing in waiting for me to open the door is delaying us in getting wherever we’re going.
But the source on the other end of that message disagreed, perhaps vehemently: “Not hating on women’s rights…Just appreciative of kind gestures. Besides we carry purses and guys don’t.”
Last time I checked, it didn’t take two hands to carry a purse.
I welcome your opinions on the topic.
And please enjoy this entertaining car-related tale from the deep, deep archives of The Ert Movement.
Before I do something, I always try to imagine how I would feel if it was done for/to me. I have to say that if a girl opened my car door for me I'd feel like a child. People tend to act the way they're treated, so that's not a road I want to go down.
I think there are more substantive ways to be chivalrous. I'm not presently coming up with any, but I'll be back with some I'm sure.
please tell me the girl from the ERT archive wasn't me… couldn't have been. i didn't have power windows then, either.
Amen, Shawn.
LB – fortunately for you, we had not yet met when that incident took place so you are safe. this time…
I think part of it depends on the attitudes of the individuals and their relationship to each other. When a guy at work insisted on opening my car door for me one night, it felt like a cheap chance for him to glance down my shirt. When men do it because they and their significant other come up to the car on the passenger side of the car, it can be a nice gesture. On the other hand, I'm completely opposed to the idea of waiting for a guy to walk around and open my door to get out, unless we're at the Oscars.
posting this for a 22 year old male. i swear.
if it's on a date-date, then yes, play up the nice guy card. Or if the guy is the driver giving people a ride home from a bar or some such thing and is obviously the one with better motor skills at that time. Or if you just happen to be standing next to the door and there's no real way around it. I guess it heavily depends on the dynamic or potential lack thereof between the boy and the girl. Like, if it's a sheetz run, it's probably unnecessary.