nerdness

  • 11 Mar

    To Count, or Not to Count

    I subscribe to Newsweek, a fantastic publication full of interesting articles regarding the news of the week. It also features a name with two Ws and a K. Those are all good things.

    But there is one thing about the magazine that absolutely perplexes me and makes me feel slightly dumber each week for not being able to figure it out–the page numbers.

    Each page that has an article has a page number. They are on the lower left for left-side pages and the lower right for right-side pages. Full-page photos/graphics as well as ad pages do not have a number.

    But the problem comes in how the pages are counted. The full-page photos that go with stories are counted in the page numbers, even though they don’t feature the number themselves. The page before might be 40, meaning the page after the photo would be 42. Makes perfect sense.

    When it comes to the ad pages, things get squirrelly. (On a side note, the Myspace blog box has flagged “squirrelly” as a spelling error. I assure you, it is not). Some of the ad pages are counted like the full-page photos–they are counted in the page numbers but don’t have one on their page. Again, I’m perfectly fine with that system.

    But then there are some ad pages that are skipped in the numbering. This system becomes especially troubling with the first pages of the magazine. Opening the cover this week, you find an ad that spreads across the entirety of the first two pages (the back of the cover and the first right-hand page). If you count the pages until the first one that has a number, you have to leave out the first page of that ad.

    How can we operate under a system that counts half of an ad as a page but not the other?! It’s insanity. If you’re going to count ad pages as pages, fine. Count them all. If not, don’t count any of them. My head is on the verge of headache for no logical reason, and such a situation should not exist in a civilized world.

    By cjhannas nerdness Uncategorized
  • 12 Jun

    The Results, Please

    I’m a big fan of reading the results of random studies. These are things nobody should spend time on, but end up answering some of life’s great questions.

    Possessing a somewhat random mind at times—especially while driving—I sometimes ponder issues we really don’t need answers to. Today’s desire for statistical analysis involves car accidents.

    Today while I was driving home from work I passed an intersection with a car exactly like mine—same model, year and color. That got me thinking about how often the exact same cars end up in a crash. Like you’d call the insurance company and really exasperate the agent when they asked for the details on your car, and then the other car.

    “Mine’s a 2005 silver Toyota Camry.”
    “Ok, great. And the other driver’s?”
    “Yeah he was driving a 2005 silver Toyota Camry.”
    “No, I got yours, what was the other guy driving?”
    “A 2005 silver Toyota Camry.”
    “Yes. I know that’s what you drive. I see it on my computer. I heard you say it. I wrote it down. What. Type. Of. Car. Was. The. Other. Guy. In. When. He. Slammed. Into. Your. 2005. Toyota. Camry?”
    “A 2005 silver Toyota Camry.”
    “What is the name of the guy playing first base?”
    “Who.”
    “The guy playing first!!!!”

    It seems logical that it would happen most often with the best-selling cars in any particular area. But it would be a fascinating study to examine. Maybe the drivers of that best-selling car are a safer group than the general population, and those cars rarely hit each other. Maybe there’s a certain color that perks up the drivers, making them less likely their brethren.

    I bet thousands of researchers have started this study, only to have the auto lobby shut them down for fear of branding a certain car incredibly likely to attack its own.

    If not, someone should really put in the effort, and that someone should definitely not be me. Just be sure so send me the results. Please.

    By cjhannas nerdness Uncategorized
  • 28 Jan

    Living by the Book

    The second book in the Year of 20 is a tale of one man’s quest to follow the Bible as closely as possible for one year. The author, A.J. Jacobs, is not the inventor of the one-year self quest, but is part of my inspiration. The humorous ways he strings together his experiences with his off-beat goals makes has him climbing my list of heroes.

    “The Year of Living Biblically” is a follow up to a book of his I read last summer called “The Know-It-All.” That project was reading the Encyclopaedia Brittainica from cover to cover, and if you’re going to be one of the 57 percent of Americans who read just one book this year, that should be it.

    Shockingly, Jacobs is still married when this book begins. And when it ends. You know you’ve found “the one” when she puts up with crazy quests that consume large portions of your time for several years. Especially when young children are involved.

    Jacobs starts with the Old Testament, and makes a list of biblical rules he finds. When he prints it out, the set of rules comprises 72 pages. Like any any good quest, he thinks about the scope at the beginning and comes up with guidelines. He makes a practical decision early on to focus on certain rules to make the quest even possible. He divides them into to two basic groups–the “big” ones and the bizarre ones.

    My favorite odd rule, or rather the way he lives it out, is paying your workers at the end of each day. “Wages of a hired servant shall not remain with you all night until the morning,” (Leviticus 19:13).

    His babysitter needs to be paid by check at the end of each week for her tax purposes. So Jacobs pays her in cash each day, and then asks her to return it at the end of the week in exchange for a check. Can you imagine going to work one day and having your boss propose that kind of setup? I’d probably just walk out of the room and come back in again like the conversation never took place. Also take into account, he hasn’t shaved in several months and has switched to a wardrobe of nothing but white clothing.

    His daily wear is a great mental visual. Jacobs lives in New York city, and recounts his feelings about walking out on the streets with the aforementioned attire, beard, and sometimes a 10-string harp or walking stick. He talks about a wonderful moment on the subway where he looks up to see a monk, who gives him a smile and a nod like he’s in some kind of dedicated multi-faith religious community. It’s interesting to see how small changes on the outside completely change how some people view and treat him.

    But by far the funniest rule he attempts to follow is the stoning of adulterers and Sabbath breakers. He decides a loophole in the stoning ritual is the lack of mention of how big the stones have to be. So he gathers a bunch of pebbles and puts them in his pocket. He seeks out people working on the Sabbath and flicks them into their back, or casually drops them on the person’s shoe. Unfortunately, everyone notices, so he apologizes, picks up his stone and quickly walks away.

    Until he meets a guy in the park. “Hey, you’re dressed queer,” an old man says. After a brief discussion, Jacobs learns the man is an adulterer. The man says he’ll punch Jacobs in the face if he hits the man with a stone. So of course Jacobs flicks one right into the man’s chest. That’s just brilliant commitment to your project.

    If you’re not going to read the book, at least go to a bookstore and look at the pictures. They are high-larious. And if there wasn’t massive itching and discomfort involved, I would totally go for his massive year-long-beard look. It’s quite enviable.

    If you’ve ever had any sort of religious background, or are interested in Judeo-Christian teachings, there is an interesting examination behind the humor. Jacobs brings a host of scholars and historical perspectives to examine the rules he is following and tries to discover why they are what they are. In many cases, there is a camp that has an explicit reasoning for a particular item, while another points out that for as much as we think we understand there is so much we never can.

    Jacobs has a Jewish background but is not practicing. One of the things he struggles with at the beginning is praying several times a day. He grows to find that a time he looks forward to and gets something out of, even if he’s not entirely sure what he believes. An interesting take on slowing down for parts of each day and each week to reflect, give thanks and focus on being a better person.

    “The Year of Living Biblically: One Man’s Quest to Follow the Bible as Literally as Possible” by A.J. Jacobs.

    Starting tomorrow….”The Picture of Dorian Gray.”

  • 09 Dec

    C is for Cookie

    As you may or may not know by now, I have a penchant for social studies, particularly those that are a little off the beaten path. Today’s example comes to us from Newsweek, albeit about a month after I read the article. Forgive me, I’m lazy.

    The article talks about name-letter preference, where a person is drawn to things that start with the same letter as their name. Those things can be both good and bad. They cite Ken Griffey Jr. as having a higher-than-average strikeout ratio (Ks), an inordinate number of people named Dennis who are dentists, and an abnormally large number of Mildreds living in Milwaukee.

    As you also may know by now, my name is Chris. I like cookies, paying with my credit card, cats, caped superheroes, Captain Planet, corn, corny jokes, chicken cheesesteaks, cartoons, Christmas, Calvin & Hobbes, my cell phone, and the word “cantankerous.” I think those are all good things.

    But then again, I don’t prefer Coke, cocaine, carp, calling cards, the Chicago Cubs, using cash, Celine Dion, C&C Music Factory, visual depictions of cornucopias, Calvin Coolidge, clams, chai lattes, or communism.

    Scientists behind one of these studies are supposed to publish their findings this month. They cite higher grades for people with names starting with A and B, lower for those with C and D as name-starters. Also a higher career strikeout rate for the Kennys than the Robertos. The margins were not large, but the article cites an adage: “If you discover a way to levitate objects with your thoughts by one millimeter, you don’t focus on the millimeter–the size of the effect–but on the fact that something happened at all.”

    They should have called me. I did better in school than my “C” name would have them suggest, and my extreme love of Pepsi over Coke should send their study straight to the shredder. Then again, if Carrie Underwood were to come calling, I might be convinced.

    By cjhannas nerdness Uncategorized
  • 13 Nov

    Rubik’s Cube Travishamockery

    Sometime this year I was standing on the New Balance sales floor passing the time chatting with a few of my co-workers.

    I’m not sure exactly when since most of those days blended together so monotonously that I often didn’t know at the time what day it was.

    We started talking about the Rubik’s Cube, spurred by one of the manger’s interest to solve the puzzling array of colored blocks. Having toyed with the RC a few times as a kid at my grandparents’ house, I was of the seemingly majority opinion that to solve the cube was a major feat.

    But one of the other managers said his brother could blow through one, and all you needed to know was a set of patterns.

    Little did I know just how easy it is to solve a RC.

    One of the most common questions I get these days from friends is about what I do on weekend mornings, when my body allows me to “sleep in” to 3 or 4 a.m. Last Saturday, the answer was to learn the RC pattern.

    A simple YouTube search brought up a ton of tutorials on how to line up the rainbow of squares. I watched videos and plodded along spinning rows on my RC for about an hour, getting down the basics of how to move particular squares in certain directions.

    By noon on Saturday, I could repeatedly solve my RC in five minutes—solidifying in my mind that this really was not a great feat.

    But as long as the word doesn’t spread too far, I think a majority of people would still find it impressive. If only they knew. Someday they’ll get the internet too.

    And if you want to pass some time in a potentially humbling way…put your geography skills to the test! Honestly, some of these you are lucky if you can hit the right continent. I’ve gone as far as level 10 so far, and I think it’s definitely the kind of thing that will bother me enough that I will do it a thousand times until I beat the damn thing.

  • 26 Oct

    That’s not Punny

    Sometimes you get a sign that it’s good you’ve made it to the weekend.

    Maybe you’re really tired and need some rest, have had a really stressful week or you’ve survived some kind of ordeal. No matter what the reason, you made it to a time where you can relax…and not a moment too soon.

    For me, the reason probably has something to do with adjusting to starting work at 2 o’clock in the morning. I got home and started making some eggs and toast for lunch. I left the kitchen for a minute to let the eggs cook a little. When I returned, in my head I actually said “Let’s see how his eggs-ellency is doing.”

    That’s right. I made a horribly bad pun. To myself. In my head.

    The answer was that the eggs were phenomenal and ready to go to Stomach Town. But the question was sort of troubling. It takes certain levels of sleep deprivation to think strange thoughts in your head. It takes even greater forces to turn those into puns…especially bad ones at that.

    So TGIF.

    Marathon in a week. Some sort of mohawk hairstyle will be deployed. A team is working on the design. Opinions are welcome. Excitement is high.

    By cjhannas nerdness Uncategorized
  • 24 Jun

    The Know-It All

    I like to think I’m pretty good at facing reality. I’m also pretty aware that I’m a smart-ass. That is, I will point out flaws in something you said or wrote, or will jump in with a piece of information nobody cares about and I probably just read in a newspaper article this morning.

    But I can’t help it. I love learning new things, especially if they are bizarre and virtually worthless things to know. I apologize if I’ve subjected you to this phenomenon, but what’s the fun in knowing something odd if you can’t share it?

    That’s why “The Know-It-All” is one of the greatest books I’ve ever read, and the cause for a now unpayable debt of gratitude to the friend who recommended it to me.

    It’s by a guy who works as an editor for Esquire, who decided to read the Encyclopaedia Britannica from A to Z because he thinks he’s smart but knows there are a lot of subjects he knows nothing about.

    He writes about his experience, how physically hard it is, how it’s affecting his life both positively and negatively, and how his worldview changes throughout the reading. It’s broken down by letter of the alphabet with a selection of topics from the encyclopedia that are particularly relevant to his life, or just altogether fascinating.

    It makes me want to embark on a similar quest, though his repeated “why on Earth am I doing this?!” sentiments tell me otherwise. The four or five things per chapter that I find really interesting are only a smattering of what I would pull out of the entire collection. What else did he have to cut from his book? What did he find boring that I would love?

    Bottom line: If you’re a nerd, or want to be a nerd, or want another reason to think I’m strange (in an awesome way of course!), get a copy of this book.

    I’m definitely not going to read the encyclopedia (at least not yet…), but this book did make me feel a growing sense of incompleteness with life. This guy has a full time job he loves, and yet devoted a year of his leisure time to a project of self-improvement. I have a less-than-full-time job that I hate, and spend my leisure time watching movies, almost finishing crossword puzzles, and watching videos online of things like a snake eating a hippo.

    So it’s change time. I’m quitting in two weeks. I’m going to the beach for a week. After that, I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing in any sense of anything. And for the first time in a year of being in that state of not-knowing, I feel great about the possibility of a wide-open canvas.

    “You get your Ph.D., how happy you will be, when you get a job at Wendy’s and are honored with employee of the month…” ~Barenaked Ladies

  • 26 May

    Tiiiiime is on My Side

    So one of the things in life that truly fascinates me is time. Someone back in the day said “hey guys, this is time and this is how it works,” and now we have this thing that can provide so many interesting things.

    Think about your day. If you’re a typical person, you get up, get ready, go to work, do some work, finish work, head home, and do some other things before going to sleep. Within all of those things, there’s always a period of time where you are waiting on something or someone that keeps you from moving forward. Whether it’s waiting on a report so you can finish a project at work, someone had an accident on the highway and you can’t get by, or the water for your spaghetti hasn’t started boiling yet, there’s tons of time everyday where you are just waiting–time is not on your side.

    But what if you could condense all of that time? At my job, there’s a looot of time where I’m just standing in the store waiting for a customer to come in. In the same vein, there are busy days where a customer comes in and has to wait for me because I’m too busy handling 2 or 3 other people. If we could just get together better, that customer would come on that day where I’m just standing around, and both of us would be more efficient. Now multiply that by the rest of the world and just think about that potential.

    When I left work today I had a slight brain freeze and went the wrong way on the Beltway. Now before you call me a complete idiot, I spent the last few days at home in Virginia, and thus had gone south, but of course today was a Maryland day and North would have been far better. It took me a few minutes to get turned around and headed the right way, but time reared it’s somewhat interesting head to brighten the situation. As I neared the American Legion Bridge, I noticed a car in the right lane ahead of me had a long, bar-like sticker in the back window.

    I thought it looked a lot like the Susquehanna University sticker in my window. But surely it couldn’t be since there are like -5 people from this area who even know what SU is. However, it was in fact from good ole SU, an occurrence I would have completely missed had I not gone the wrong way in the first place. Of course I haven’t the slightest clue who that person is, but the event alone was worth it for pure intruigement.

  • 07 May

    Sisterhood of the Traveling Foam

    Yeah there’s no sisterhood here. Sorry about the false advertising, however there is traveling foam.

    About a month ago I was driving to work on I-495 and noticed bits of white stuff flying up in the air on the road in front of me. As I got closer, the bits got bigger and were easily recognizable as your standard white chunks of styrofoam. Cars were running them over, bouncing them high into the air and generally moving them forward a little bit at a time.

    At the time, it only slightly crossed my mind how cool it would be to know that something could make it all the way around a circular highway like the beltway. It would need to be something sturdy enough, light enough to be moved by passing traffic, yet small and harmless enough that no authorities would clear it from the road/shoulder area.

    Last week I saw more white foam on my way to work on the same route. The chunks were smaller, but I can only assume that it was the same stuff. The cool part? This time the chunks were about a half-mile into Virginia, meaning they made about a 3 mile journey down the Beltway, crossed the American Legion Bridge, and made tracks for McLean.

    And if you haven’t figured it out by now, that’s exactly the kind of thing that makes me enjoy life.

    By cjhannas nerdness Uncategorized
  • 30 Oct

    I’m No. 2!!!

    Driving back to Murrrrrland today I saw a license plate that said “NO 2 DAD.” Now there are two obvious ways to read this one. First, and least likely, is that this guy wanted to buy his choice vehicle and his father objected. Not only did the guy still buy the car, he went the extra step to stick it to his father by getting the license plate.

    The second possibility is even more entertaining. For anyone who has seen the Seinfeld episode where Jerry gives his dad the No. 1 Dad t-shirt, the prospect of someone proclaiming themselves as the No. 2 Dad is highly comical. I’ll even look past the fact that the guy was making an illegal left turn at the time I passed him…

    By cjhannas nerdness Uncategorized
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