Laziness is all around us. It takes many forms, from people who spend most of the day on the couch to those who put things off to another day instead of putting out the effort right now.

Procrastination is fine, as long as it’s not a way of life and as long as those things eventually get done. Physical laziness, like complaining when an escalator is broken so you have to actually walk up the stairs, is not acceptable.

I answer several phone calls a day asking where our store is located in the mall. Apparently these people have never been to a mall and don’t understand the basic concept. Here it is: Many stores under one roof. It’s a shopping center, not a city.

I want to tell every one of those callers that it’s a mall, there are stores inside and all they have to do is find someplace to park and walk inside. There are thousands of parking spaces, all located within short walking distance of a door that will get you inside the “massive” complex that is the mall.

From there, you are inside, use those two things at the lower half of you body and move them in succession. This is called walking. You can walk at whatever pace you want, from a near crawl to a jog if you wish. Just move those two little guys.

Once this process is started, use the thing on the top of your head. It has many functions, the most useful here being the ability (maybe) to read, and also the swivel function that allows the user to move the range of vision from one place to another. Use these functions to read the store names as you pass. When you see “New Balance,” slow your walking pace (see above) and move the body in the direction of the sign. There is a nice wide door right underneath the sign that allows you entrance into the store.

When your business is complete, simply do the reverse of everything you did getting into the store in order to get home. Note: Please leave out calling us again at the end of this process in order to not waste more of my time.

If this process seems to arduous, then perhaps you should reevaluate your original mission. You do not need athletic shoes. I repeat, you do not need athletic shoes. Go to CVS and stock up on AAA batteries for your remote control. And no, I can’t tell you how to get to a CVS or give you directions to the batteries once you are in the store.

That all may sound harsh, but believe me, it happens all too often for any sort of patience to remain.

Take another example. “Hi is there a Skechers store in your mall.” Yes. “Can you give me their phone number?”

Yes that happened. Someone went through the effort of finding the number to one store in the mall, in order to ask the number of another store in the mall. Sounds like it should have been an easy one-step process of simply finding the number of the store you actually wanted in the first place. Maybe not.

At roughly 7 p.m. Saturday two women came into the store with no shopping bags. One tried on several pairs of shoes. She said she was so tired she couldn’t tie them herself. I asked if they had been shopping all day. No, they just got there. They hadn’t done anything really all day, “Actually I don’t really know why I’m tired, haha.” Don’t worry, I’ve only been on my feet for seven hours–with 3 to go–I’ll take care of the incredibly taxing task of tying your shoes.

On second thought, let me go find a three-year-old kid to follow you home just in case you need them tied again.