Today I high-fived a bird. If you did something cooler, let me know.

Of course the bird receiving my hand slap was the mascot for the Washington Nationals and we were celebrating a successful rendition of “Take Me Out To The Ballgame.” The encounter also included some solid time on the Jumbotron.

I would like to thank Nats center fielder Nyjer Morgan for providing great entertainment for those of us seated in his general vicinity. He tossed his warmup ball into the stands before each inning and gave one group of fans a hard time after they completely failed in their quest to catch it. He also reacted when people yelled out things like, “Hey Nyjer, you’re the man and you know it!” Most players–like Chicago’s Andruw Jones–stand there and pretend they don’t hear you.

Here’s today’s hero:

The game was tough for the Nats, who apparently have forgotten that they are allowed to hit the ball. White Sox pitcher Jake Peavy looked like his old self, allowing only a few hits and totally controlling the game. Here he is getting warmed up for his dominant outing:

Perhaps the most productive part of the day though was the running conversation with my brother, who accompanied me to the game. We came up with extensive plans for running our own minor league team (when we get a few million dollars to burn, of course).

The first order of business will be to construct a t-shirt launching device known as the T-Shirt-Tank. Forget hand-held t-shirt cannons that are now so common at sporting events. We want a vehicle you can tool around the ballpark with a cannon mounted to the top. Think of all that t-shirt flinging power!

We also want to bring back the bullpen cart, and combining these ideas seems only logical. Our bullpen will be hidden from view, so that the first time you see who is coming in to pitch is when he emerges from the tank. While he warms up, the tank can go around the stadium performing its t-shirt duties.

Our mascot race would take on a different form as well. Each race would begin with some sort of predator mascot in the back (a lion perhaps), with the three or so others being things the lion would eat. There are no predetermined outcomes in our race, just like in the wild.

Arizona’s stadium has a pool just past the outfield wall. Milwaukee has a slide the mascot goes down after home runs. Our park will have a water slide for the mascot to use during games, and that fans can enjoy afterward. We will create two mascot suits, one of which will be engineered specifically for water use.

Of course, we don’t have millions of dollars to acquire and run this team. So the key to this whole plan is actually a slight variation of our recently created life plan.

Our cousin just got married to a doctor, and our brother is married to a Ph.D. Naturally, we feel the bar is set pretty high and had decided we needed to be prowling for a duchess or maybe a Grammy winner.

Now it is all so clear. What we really need to find is the daughter or granddaughter of a baseball team owner who is in line to own the team.

I wonder if it is appropriate to talk about the T-Shirt-Tank on a first date.