It’s been a while since I deployed the “not smart” label on a post.  My apologies.  Your long wait is over.

Let’s start off by playing a game.  Can you guess what this is?

Plastic tongue depressor?  Toothpick for a giant?  Diorama shark’s tooth?  No, no and no.

It’s the result of ridiculously cold weather, good intentions and terrible execution.

A few weeks ago, snow and freezing rain combined to make my car into a giant icicle.  I had somewhere to go in the evening, and with temperatures not slated to go above 15 degrees, I figured I would go out in the morning and clear off my car as best I could so I wouldn’t have to do it later.

The snow came off easily, but a thick layer of ice coated all of the windows.  No problem.  I have a trusty ice scraper that sits in a pouch behind my passenger’s seat.  I unlocked the doors using my handy keyfob, and went to open the door.  It didn’t budge.  I pulled hard and heard the creaking that comes with ice that is giving way.  I pulled a little harder, and the creaking got louder.  I was almost there.  I could feel it about to open.  And then it happened.

What used to look like this:

All of a sudden looked like this:

In that moment a few thoughts went through my mind.  The first? “That was really stupid.”  The second? “Why didn’t I just reach through from the driver’s side door THAT I ALREADY HAD OPEN?”

Fortunately the third was appropriate.  “I probably open this door three times a year, sooo this is more funny than a real problem.”

Besides, if you look closely at the picture, you will see that this door is already the neglected child of the four.  A few years ago, someone kindly slammed their door into it in a parking lot and left me a dent and some free white paint that I declined to hang onto.

Sorry, door.