Mom, I’m moving to Sweden.

Don’t worry though, it’s for a girl.  One I haven’t met yet.  Or really identified in any way.  I know it sounds crazy, but a dating website told me to go, and if we can’t trust the Internet, what’s left in this world?

Last night I signed up for a new site, and after going through the normal profile information I dipped into their list of extra questions designed to help better identify suitable matches.  These are questions like, “Could you live with a messy person?” and you have to give not only your answer, but identify from a multiple choice list which ones you find acceptable in a potential match and rate how important that issue is to you.

The site yelled at me several times for rating too many questions as irrelevant to me (#sorrynotsorry I’m not picky enough), but I made it through enough questions to get this fancy email from them showing where my best matches live.  You know, since you can figure that out based on 50 or so multiple choice answers.

First, we have these wonderful United States, where I am fortunate enough to live in a state with supposedly compatible matches.  Maybe I should move to Wisconsin though?

Sorry, Arkansas.  I’m sure you have many nice people, but the website says I can’t date any of them.  Then again, maybe you’re not alone.  New Hampshire may be the best state, but the website also ranked the entire U.S. as one of the worst countries for me.

So much about my dating experiences makes sense now.  I never had a chance with these Americans!  I’ve been very popular with two Russians, both of whom quickly declared their love for me.  And Sweden is even better?

Sign me up.