I frequent Taco Bell. I have no shame in saying that. Call it what you will. Say the food is terrible, leads to lots of “thinking time,” and is not even authentic Mexican. It is what it is, and I like that.

I often go with my friend Mike, the man who introduced me to the love of my life…the Mexican pizza.

Over the past year it has become apparent that Mike has somehow wronged Taco Bell. I say that as if Taco Bell (TB) is a singular entity with somewhat human-like qualities of memory and vengeance.

Whatever happened, it must have been bad. Did he not pay correctly one time? Did he give on of the workers the stink eye? Did he blaspheme the Bell? We may never know the answer, but the result is clear.

Ever since the transgression, Mike has had a hard time getting a good meal from TB. I get a cheesy gordita crunch and I get the ranch sauce. He orders one at the same time, no sauce. This has happened at least a dozen times this year, occurring at no fewer than four separate locations.

Today we went for dinner. I got a Mexican pizza and the aforementioned cheesy gordita crunch, to go. Sauce? Check. Items in a to-go bag? Check.

Mike gets two cheesy gordita crunches, soft taco, and baja gordita, to go. No sauce on either cheesy gordita crunch. Items come out on a tray, no to-go bag.

This treatment bothers me, though I’m sure he deserves it. After all, a wonderful entity such as TB doesn’t just hate someone for no reason. So I wrote to Taco Bell asking why it hated my friend. So far, no response. Rest assured, there is some hard thinking going on inside the inner-workings of the TB, weighing how to address a wonderful customer about one that is on the outs. Stay tuned.