Having worked in jobs that require lots of interaction with the public, I am fully aware that there are some people in this country who are not so bright.

That leads to really obvious warning labels on products, like, you know, coffee is hot, and having to tell people that if there’s a tornado outside, you should probably not be as well.

But there’s a limit to the amount of hand-holding we need, especially when it comes to the key questions of “Is this a lot of food?” and “What is my relationship status?”  These questions can be intertwined, as evidenced by what I picked up for dinner tonight:

In case the busy graphics on the box obscure my point, the fine people at Red Baron have kindly pointed out that this is a “feast for one.”  Now, I’ve eaten a lot of things in my day, and I’m pretty sure that just looking at the size of the box I could have figured out that this mini pizza was not intended to feed 12 people.  I will give them credit for at least jazzing up this phrase instead of their lazier competitors at Mama Celeste, who simply call their product “pizza for one.”

The only thing that this kind of slogan does is remind the person who picks it up exactly why they are having a meal “for one.”  Trust me, we do not need the refresher.  We are very well aware of our oneness.  Our moms have reminded us, our friends with girlfriends have reminded us and our Facebook feeds filling up with baby pictures have reminded us.

We know.

Sure, there are people who celebrate their singledom, and I say more power to them.  To each his own.  But in a world in which people think you’re crazy for taking a vacation by yourself or taking yourself to the movies — people, of course, who have a built-in companion for all these things — I don’t need the reminder from a pizza box.

Don’t get me started on Kraft Singles.