It’s pretty clear that Taylor Swift is out to get me.

If you happen to know her, maybe you can ask her what she has against me.

This weekend I was in Ocean City, MD, for a few days of sand, surf and golf-related fun. I went with my friend Mike, who also happens to be my main mini-golf rival.

At some point in our trip, we always end up at Down Under Golf, an Australian-themed putt-putt place that serves as our “home course.” There are a few spectacular things about Down Under. The first is that you can play as many rounds as you’d like before 6 p.m. The second is that you get free ice cream after your round finally comes to an end.

We use sort of a match play style, keeping a running tally of who has won the most holes. After the first round, I was up by two–including sinking a hole-in-one on No. 18. After two rounds, Mike was ahead by 1.

This is where Taylor comes into play.

Did I give Taylor Swift the stink-eye?

I had one bad hole, somewhere around No. 15 or 16. This bad hole coincided with the tones of Taylor singing “Love Story.” The music started, and my putt went right by the hole. The music continued as my next putt went right by the hole again. Just like that, my lead was gone.

After the song was over, I was able to muster a rally during the third round. At one point, I even grabbed a small lead. But then, around the same point on the course, another Taylor Swift song sprang from the speakers hidden all over the course. This time it was “You Belong With Me.”

“She wears high heels, I wear sneakers,
I hate you Chris, and you will be the loser.”

OK, she didn’t say that, but the message was there. Once again, as the music played my putt zipped past the hole. The lead was gone. Taylor got her wish.

Tied after 53 holes, Mike and I stepped to No. 18 to settle our epic match. Remember, this was the hole that produced a hole-in-one for me during round one. Mike, however, saved his for the final round. So there I was, needing an ace just to tie. I took a moment to focus and launched my green ball on its way. It went up the ramp, around the loop and slowed as it rolled towards the hole.

And then it stopped. Three inches from its target. Mighty Casey had struck out.

I have never met Taylor Swift, so I’m not sure why she had to go out of her way to ruin my day. I’m also not sure how she pulled it off. I mean, there are plenty of places on the course where she could have been hiding, waiting for the perfect moment to unleash her musical attack.

No, wait. It is all so clear now. The seemingly nice, young blond girl working at the course. She was so pleasant when taking my money and telling us about the free ice cream. She had nothing but a smile when we picked up new balls for rounds two and three. And yet, who more perfect to perpetrate such an evil deed for a young blond girl than another young blond girl?

So now I guess the question is, why do Taylor Swift and this other girl hate me?