One of the features of my industry is a virtual guarantee of a TV on your desk.  During newsworthy times, it’s tuned to whatever event, but when there’s nothing going on then random background content takes over.  Like on Christmas when the sweet sounds of police scanner blend with A Christmas Story.

That was my desk in Jacksonville, where that TV brought me an amazingly high frequency of TBS showing the classic film Snow Day at 3 a.m.  Send the kids away before we continue because this film is rated PG for some serious stuff.

To understand the general tone of this film, know that it came out in 2000 so of course the soundtrack features Smashmouth, LFO and 98 Degrees.  Oh and it has a plot, largely involving this high school kid who has a crush on the gorgeous girl his friends think is way out of his league.  “To people like her, people like you are invisible.”

These friends may be onto something.  But wait, there is some glimmer of hope.  It seems she has just broken up with her boyfriend, despite the fact that he drives a yellow Mustang convertible.

She needs some “time to think.”  I used this time to Google how old supposed high schooler Emmanuelle Chiriqui was at the time, and the answer is 23.  But getting back to our hero, it seems he found her bracelet in the pool earlier and is totally not being weird about it back at home.

Like not weird at all.

The friends remain concerned, even the bucket hat kid.  I can’t tell if that’s because of the hero or the fact that we’re almost 20 minutes into a movie called Snow Day and the weather is still warm and sunny.

Wait.  Here we goooooo!

Our hero’s little sister remains just as unconvinced about his quest.  “You’re going to waste a snow day on some girl?!”

She leads a side plot involving a vendetta against the creepy snow plow guy who always clears the streets so effectively that they can’t get more than one day off of school.  I fully support this effort.  Especially since the man has a bird in his plow truck and that should be against regulations.

There’s also a little brother involved who is stuck inside with their work-too-much mom.  If you watch this movie, these are parts you can skip.  She is worthless.  The kid said his teacher tells them a story about “a Poky Little Puppy” and the mom has no clue what that is.  Well, lady, I KNOW ALL ABOUT THAT.

Back to the hero.  It appears that roughly 89 other people are in love with this girl and have taken to picketing outside her house.  I have never tried this but suddenly think maybe that’s where I’ve been going wrong all this time?

Scratch that.  The hero has better plans.  Take over a TV live shot!

As someone who has spent many hours in a control room, I can tell you that our first instinct in a situation like this is to say, “Eh, let’s see where this goes.”  And it goes well.  Rico Suave knows her favorite gum!

Did I mention she dated the old boyfriend for three years and just broke up with him YESTERDAY?  Because that’s the situation.

Meanwhile, the younger kids have concocted a plan of placing a body in the middle of the road faking death with a pile of ketchup on his chest.  This is very rational.  It also results in creepy snow plow man dipping his french fries in the ketchup.

This is a good time to revisit that PG rating.  The only violence has been people getting hit with snowballs, but we’re totally fine with this.  Oh, and now he has abducted the child.  This kids movie is going well.  I feel like an entire generation of young people is very anti-snow plow because of it.

Anywho, THERE ARE IMPORTANT THINGS HAPPENING IN THE OTHER STORYLINE!!!  The hero’s solid wingwoman friend has made an impassioned plea to the hot chick, and now hot chick is laughing off the criticism of her own friends and going after our hero!

But wait, holy plot twist, Batman!

This relationship status just became complicated.  The 98 Degrees song was involved here.  And now this is happening:

Two seconds later the hot chick is all like yeah you should go after the other girl and hero dude is like yeah I know, I am.  So, to recap, he spent unknown hours before we joined the story thinking about this girl, kisses her, and then walks away like nothing ever happened.

And then the real travesty of this snow day sets in.  The hero gets a resolution.  The girl and her younger kid friends get their resolution with the snow plow dude.  The hot chick?  WE NEVER SEE HER AGAIN.

She could still be up on that diving board.  Someone please go check.