Consider this my official apology for what happened during our super special family Christmas celebration last year. I take full responsibility for the events that led to you slipping on the icy roof, for not catching you when you started to slide down the shingles, and for the way your ankle snapped when you landed […]

I’ve spent the past hour and a half trying to get my nephew to let go of the absurdity he claims he saw while walking to school this morning.  It’s not going well at all.

I always have a hard time talking on the phone.  The other person can’t quite understand me, or I mishear something they say.  The other side waits for a second to see if their brain will review the words and come up with some kind of conclusion only to eventually shrug its shoulders and send […]

I don’t know why my brother insisted on meeting in the park.  It’s not a nice day.  It’s not a nice park.  He’s rarely nice to me.

“I’m going to be a cute alien.” “But you’re not an alien?” “When I go into space I will be though.” “I don’t think that’s how it works.”

Melissa reassured her son that despite striking out for the fifth time at seven stores in three days, she was confident they would eventually secure a Mr. CanDog toy.

“May I have a word with the manager, please?” “Sure, can I tell him who you are?” “Cookie inspector.  We’ve had some complaints about chip distribution at this location.”

“Miracle Man.  Miracle Man.  Charles, you’re the Miracle Man.  You make it happen, man.  Whenever you can.  Miracle Man.  Miracle Man.”

The printout hit my desk with a thud, a single piece of paper with words from someone I don’t know that blew up my world. “What’s this?” “Consider it my resignation letter.”