Professional sports teams go through disappointing seasons where it’s clear something is wrong, but there aren’t obvious moves to fix the situation. Sometimes the best answer from management is to get rid of some key players who have been around for a while and move in a different direction.
It’s time for this to happen to “Jersey Shore.”
Some would suggest we just get rid of the show entirely, but as I’ve written before, there’s some merit to having it around. However, in its current state that argument is harder to sustain, and making some changes to the cast would go a long way toward removing some negative elements.
The producers have at least hinted this may happen, though I don’t for a second believe the claim made in last night’s episode by Mike “The Situation” that he’s considering not returning for season five. There’s only one episode left in this season, and I would be shocked if it didn’t end like all the others with everyone in the house hugging it out and proclaiming their latest stint together was the best time of their lives.
And that’s unfortunate. The Situation has to go. He should also take Snooki and her BFF Deena with him. The rest are fine, but these three have descended into a weird state of outrageous behavior this season that’s not healthy for them or anyone watching. Something has gone seriously wrong when Sammi “Sweatheart” — an emotional, unstable wreck in previous seasons — stands out as the bastion of rationality and normal behavior in this house.
From the beginning, The Situation has been about bravado and making everyone think he’s possesses irresistible charm on a level never seen in the history of man. This worked for a while, particularly in the first season when nobody knew any better. But now in season four, everyone has figured him out. The confident persona is all about getting attention, and when things aren’t going his way in that department, he starts drama.
It’s like he’s pathologically wired for destroying relationships, whether it’s the rare instance of Ron & Sammi actually getting along this season or his persistent efforts to ruin Snooki’s relationship with her boyfriend back home. He even seemed to think it was funny when she got mad and threw a glass wine bottle at him. The persona was entertaining for a while, but now it’s just kind of sad to watch, like he’s not even happy being there himself.
It also seems like both he and Snooki are victims of the reality show world. I don’t mean “victim” in that we should feel too sorry for them, but that their experience with getting super famous for being these characters only served to reinforce that that’s what people want to see. When someone writes you a big check and invites you back for another season, it’s hard to think you should be doing anything differently. For The Situation that has meant wearing out his welcome with everyone around him, but with Snooki, it’s more of a dangerous self-implosion.
She walked into the house in season one with a similar projection of self-confidence, but quickly threatened to leave when she felt like none of her roommates liked her. She ended up trying way too hard, and evolved into someone with a care-free attitude who doesn’t give a crap about what anyone else has to say. Oh, and the drinking. She’s drunk all the time — not just she had a few beers and is having a good time drunk, more like half the time she can’t walk straight or even sit on a chair without somehow falling on the ground. For a while it’s kind of entertaining to watch, the kind of spectacle that makes you just shake your head and say “Wow, whaaaat is wrong with you?” But when it happens episode after episode it becomes, “Wow, seriously, what is wrong with you?!”
The drinking affects more than just her balance, leading to all sorts of self-destructive behavior. That boyfriend she thinks is going to hate her because of what The Situation is saying? She gets in a fight with him on the phone, then hooks up with one of the roommates, and she’s so drunk she doesn’t remember what happened the next day. That leads to yet another series of arguments on the phone and begging the guy to stay with her because she needs him in her life. It’s a wonder he doesn’t seem to find that sentiment to be mutual. So for her sake, and for the sake of not promoting her issues as a way to fame and fortune (I’m all about the children, you know) it’s time for her to find a more positive occupation. Yes, America has loved Snooki, and thus helped create this monster, but we need to let her go.
She can take her friend Deena, too. Deena is the newest cast member, but all she does is enable Snooki’s behavior and serve as a fill-in for Sammi’s former role as the girl in the house who can turn any slight into an argument and subsequent crying session. She carries Snooki’s same coating of not caring what everyone else thinks, but is so deeply affected by the opinions and actions of the other roommates that everything sets her off.
With those three out of the house for the next season, we would need replacements. MTV obviously has an entire crew of people who scour the country for those interested in being on these shows so I’m not worried about finding willing participants. The new members would bring an infusion of new life, and give us not only new personalities to examine but also reveal new things about the old cast members we think we know and love.
What we need is Vinny and Pauly D continuing to do Vinny and Pauly D things, and for Ron and Sammi to continue their progression into seemingly normal human beings instead of their former roles as polar opposite fighting machines sent to this planet to destroy each other. In fact, Sammi has been so normal this season I actually picked her the other day when a friend demanded I answer “If you HAD to date one of the girls, who would it be?” Before this season, my answer would have been more like, “NONE OF THEM. Are you crazy?!”
As for JWoww, well, let’s just say she’s on the trading block if next season doesn’t start so well and we need to make another change.