When May arrives, anyone with a social media account is barraged with the inescapable Justin Timberlake “It’s gonna be May” meme. But what about boy band welcomes for the other 11 months?
I was at work when the calendar flipped to June, and a coworker turned to the duo of Rogers and Hammerstein to begin rectifying the situation.
Can we first talk about the length of this song? It does not need to be nearly nine minutes. By my estimation there are roughly 32 seconds worth of words here and lots of rooftop dancing that I’m not sure moves the story along (full disclosure: I know nothing else about this musical and the roof may in fact be important).
“Every lady fish is wishin that a male would come and grab her by the gills! Because it’s June!”
I don’t know much about fish, but this seems not like ideal behavior. Like, don’t grab others by their breathing area, right? And especially not if saying the name of the month is your only justification.
Listen, multi-tasking is difficult, and I understand you are suddenly in the spotlight in this song, but you’re doing a terrible job of icing that cake. Your meticulous braids suggest an excellent potential attention to detail and the cake shows none of that.
“June is bustin out all over! The sheep aren’t sleeping anymore.”
Oh come on. This lady does not know the words to this song and is just making things up. Why are you people encouraging her with your smiles?!
The lady on the left has a tray of donuts as the men pass through the assembly line getting coffee, sugar and cream. How many donuts are left after all five guys go by? ALL OF THEM. This entire thing is an abomination.
Lady, look out! That guy you’re holding thinks lady fish want to be grabbed by the gills!
Okay, forget singing, it’s time to focus on our parkour. And hanging out on the roof.
Oh but sorry, parkour guys, the navy is here to woo your women.
OH SNAP. The pipe smoking riverdance?! These parkour guys play by nobody’s rules. What are you going to do about that, navy fellows?
“We have many women tattooed on our backs and we will make them dance just as the women here dance.” Strong, strong response.
If your thing is pipes, you’re not going to win if two of your dudes don’t have pipes! GET IT TOGETHER, PARKOUR GUYS!
Wait, all of this is taking place at a spa? Is everyone getting a massage afterward?
This has to be the upset of the century. I refuse to believe the parkour guys overpowered the navy guys without cheating, but since I have no idea what this grab the stick game is I can’t say for sure.
Of course the navy guys lost. They never had a chance. THE LADIES WERE PARKOUR LADIES ALL ALONG.
Not gonna lie, I really thought this finale was going to involve those ladies getting thrown right off the roof. Naturally they would have done double backflips on the way down and stuck the landing.
After eight minutes and 49 seconds, the lesson here is that whatever happens this month, justify it by saying, “Because it’s June!”
