I’ve learned a lot of things during my time on this planet. The sky is blue. Oreos are tasty. Winter can be cold. Dodgeballs are usually red, though sometimes blue or green.

Most of these things were gleaned from observation of the world around me. Many of the other things I’ve learned came from a classroom. Some of the most interesting came as a combination of the two.

I went to quaint Susquehanna University in the heart of central ….Pennsylvania….. It’s 169 miles and just under three hours from my house. I know those numbers from the quite numerous times I made the trip, either going to school in the fall, fall break, winter break, spring break, Easter break or going home for the summer.

It would be hard to make so many trips on the same road–lovely Route 15–without noticing some of the things along the way.

Here’s what I learned on the way to Selinsgrove:

Bill loves Brandee. This declaration of love is spray-painted in green on a bridge overpass just as you enter ….Pennsylvania…. on Route 15. I don’t know who Bill is. I don’t know who Brandee is. I hope they are living a happy life together. The paint is faded, so it’s likely this relationship has had to face the test of time. Who knows, Bill could have been shot down in 1978 when asking Brandee to the prom. Maybe this was his way of proposing, “The Great Valentine’s Bridge Stunt of 1988,” where a stunned Brandee immediately called Bill to accept after seeing such an incredible showing of his commitment. Hard to say.

Wal-Mart is not the only one-stop shop. North of Harrisburg, Route 15 shrinks to one lane in each direction as it winds through some small towns. There you’ll find a store on the right (going North) that bills itself as a sporting goods and produce market. This is one place I always told myself I’d visit one day, just for the experience, but sadly I never made the stop. From the road you can see a display of fruits and vegetables like any self-respecting farmer’s market. It’s only from the multiple signs near the entrance from the road that you learn about the availability of hunting boots and bullets. Maybe this is just a convenience for many nearby marksmen who like to shoot into cantaloupes. Hard to say.

Verb agreement is optional. On the same stretch of narrowed Route 15 there is a butcher shop. Perhaps this blows my cantaloupe theory, but apparently people in the area have a need to have dead animals, um, dealt with in order to become food. The sign at this establishment is in the shape of a burly, plaid-wearing woodsman. In his stomach area there is a white sign that reads, “Meat cut, wrap & froze, $45.” I always laugh at that sign. I don’t even know where to begin. Maybe some day I’ll send them a little note, or maybe a copy of “Eats Shoots and Leaves.”

..Central Pennsylvania.. is very boring. Hence the need for a strip of half a dozen porn shops near the end of the trip. Including good old Adult World, an establishment rumored—sworn by many people I know, but never confirmed personally—to be owned by the head of the Communications Department at SU… ..

Going south, you naturally hit all of the same locations, but are treated with one additional nugget of information.

It is possible to go backwards on Route 15. About 10 minutes before reaching ….Harrisburg…. an incredible anomaly takes place that I feel is not being taken seriously enough by authorities and Stephen Hawking. On the side of the road is a sign that says “….Harrisburg…. 12 miles.” The sign is just before a bridge. Just after that bridge is an identical sign. That sign reads “….Harrisburg…. 14 miles.” So in crossing that bridge, you actually go back two miles. And nobody seems concerned.