Baby Hannas is almost here — my brother’s child, not mine — and to say that my mom has been waiting for her arrival for a long time would be an understatement.

Roughly six years ago my cousin had a son, and after going to one of his early birthday parties my mom told a carfull of my siblings something to the effect of, “I’m ready when you’re ready.”

Since then my older brother got married, and more recently my sister did as well. (First I wrote “my older brother and sister got married,” but clearly that doesn’t sound right). The prevailing theory among the rest of us was that once a grandchild existed, mom would have someone to play with and dote upon and all pressure would be off.

Well, it looks like that thesis is incorrect.

I was over at my parents’ house the other day to help out with a few things. One task was to move some furniture in the ongoing process of getting the upstairs more baby-toting visitor-friendly. Later I was doing some stuff on her computer when the One Year Plan came up.

It turns out the one grandchild plan was flawed from the start. Apparently relying on other members of the labor pool (pun not intended, but accepted) is not within the expectations of management. All are supposed to contribute to the system. Who knew?

I asked what sort of timetable existed, and as the name of the plan suggests, my child was slated to arrive in a year. Given the laws of nature, the current state of the stock market, global warming and the like, that didn’t leave much time to get the plan in gear.

I mean, that doesn’t give Natalie Portman a lot of notice to change her filming schedule to accommodate the plan. I was able to push the deadline back to two years, but I should probably let Natalie know pretty soon anyway.

Natalie is a little skeptical about the plan

I asked a few more questions to make sure the expectations were clear. There is no cap on grandkids — so if my sister were to announce tomorrow she was having twins, that would in no way affect my situation. The deadline is also important because the grandkids are supposed to have cousins who are near in age to play with. I argued that it would be good to have a range so that the older ones could be passing along wisdom. Suggestion rejected.

You may recall from an earlier post, that my mom and I have a running joke that I am going to be married with two kids before she even knows I am in a relationship. So while the first kid may arrive in two years, it’s not like she would even know about it until much later.

So, blog readers, we have some work to do.

P.S. Hi Mom!