It has been nearly a full week since the folks on the other side of the pond announced the engagement of Prince William and Kate Middleton, an event that clearly showed Kate stole my life plan.

For those of you who haven’t been following along, marrying into royalty has been Plan A for both ensuring my early retirement and fulfilling the plans others may have for my future. It also means fancy manors, castles and pompous titles that sound just made-up enough to be real.

You may point out that she has been dating William since 2003, and thus could not possibly have stolen my plan. But that just proves she has a time machine and can read my mind.

And that’s fine. Getting engaged to royalty is so 2010.

In 2011, it will be all about Oscar winners. Actually, since there are a limited number of those each year, let’s include nominees to widen the field a little bit.

They need someone to accompany them to awards shows, premieres, dinner and “look how normal I am” events like sports games. I can do all of those.

They need someone to tell them their movie is awesome, who doesn’t mind taking month-long vacations and can remember to feed the dog when they have an all-day shoot. I can do all of those.

They need someone to talk them out of thinking things like, “hey, I’m a movie star, I can release a rap album,” “hey, I’m a movie star, I can park my car sideways on this sidewalk in front of a daycare center,” or “hey, I’m a movie star, these drugs look delicious.” I can do all of those.

You may hear a lot more about William and Kate next year, but in the (mangled) words of the Black Eyed Peas, “I’m so 2011, they so 2000 & has been.”