Following the news yesterday that Natalie Portman is engaged, I offer the following note:

Dear Natalie,

I see that you have taken some major steps in your life — seemingly all at once — leaving the wishes of others cast aside as you collect well-wishes for your future. And that’s cool. It’s your life.

I’ll leave it to you to explain to my mom why I will be disappointing her by not living up to her expectations. And that’s cool, too. Mom can turn to my siblings — two of them already married — for her dreams of near-age cousins for my newborn niece.

But I’m not sure you totally thought this through. You’re marrying a French choreographer/ballet dancer whom you met through your work on the film “Black Swan.” From the buzz the movie is getting, it may well be the defining work of your career — one that will forever be minimalized in the mind of your spouse.

Sure, by all accounts you worked really hard to pull off the role of an accomplished dancer. But to someone who actually is one, your shortcomings have to be glaring. If you win an Oscar, your husband will walk by the statue every day thinking, “Heh, nice try,” like an engineer seeing the ribbon his kid won at the science fair.

It’s like if I were hanging out with Rachel McAdams, whose most recent release had her playing the role of morning television producer. Whatever our relationship, it would be impossible for me to not be constantly picking apart how her “producer” self failed to live up to the real life version I have experienced. And in her case, it’s not like this is the movie everyone will associate her with for the rest of her career.

Before you feel too bad about the path you’re taking, don’t worry about the rest of us. We’ll be just fine.

After all, I hear ScarJo is single.

Sincerely,

cjh