Sometimes it’s nice to know you can still connect with today’s youth.  It keeps you feeling young as the days since high school add up, boats against the current.

If you want an insight into what kids are thinking, check out the app Yik Yak, which allows people in a certain area to post and view anonymous comments.  People can upvote or downvote them, giving you a greater sense of what is popular with the largely teen/college crowd.  A few weeks ago my friend asked me about it, which led to a download, scrolling through posts, and deciding I wanted to craft a message that would get 10 upvotes.

Things started slowly.  I was a bit humbled by the fact that this wasn’t wildly successful:

I mean, Taco Bell AND emojis?!  What more do you kids want?  I regrouped and went after a different strategy:

Better…better…

Then I thought about the times I’ve seen someone tweet something like, “If this gets 100 likes I’ll run on the field” at whatever game they’re attending.  I took that, combined it with food, and posted this beauty:

Success!!!  Though in the comments people called me a jerk.  Pretend me is okay with that.  It actually took many hours for this one to get past 10 upvotes, so I kept posting in the mean time with a real focus on hitting the college market.

That drama-soaked piece also took a while to get much support at all.  Then I got really inspired.  I thought about everything people want and need and tapped into the very desire of their soul:

The comment on that one?  “Ew who would even eat that pizza?”  I’ll tell you who, Mr. or Ms. Anonymous, some fictional rando girl who liked my swag!  Oh, and 32 other Yik Yak users!

With that momentum, I continued spitting virtual pretend fire with a focus on nearby George Washington University users:

I mean, forget college, that isn’t the world any of us signed up for.  Give these kids puppies and ice cream and watch their GPAs shoot up.  Or down.  However that would go.  Whatever just make them happy.

Already wildly successful with my mission, I went back to the virtual keyboard with one last bit of inspiration:

Chipotle, if you’re reading, let’s make 24-hour locations a thing.  The people want it.