Consider this my official apology for what happened during our super special family Christmas celebration last year. I take full responsibility for the events that led to you slipping on the icy roof, for not catching you when you started to slide down the shingles, and for the way your ankle snapped when you landed […]
I’ve spent the past hour and a half trying to get my nephew to let go of the absurdity he claims he saw while walking to school this morning. It’s not going well at all.
I always have a hard time talking on the phone. The other person can’t quite understand me, or I mishear something they say. The other side waits for a second to see if their brain will review the words and come up with some kind of conclusion only to eventually shrug its shoulders and send […]
I don’t know why my brother insisted on meeting in the park. It’s not a nice day. It’s not a nice park. He’s rarely nice to me.
“I’m going to be a cute alien.” “But you’re not an alien?” “When I go into space I will be though.” “I don’t think that’s how it works.”
Melissa reassured her son that despite striking out for the fifth time at seven stores in three days, she was confident they would eventually secure a Mr. CanDog toy.
“May I have a word with the manager, please?” “Sure, can I tell him who you are?” “Cookie inspector. We’ve had some complaints about chip distribution at this location.”
“Miracle Man. Miracle Man. Charles, you’re the Miracle Man. You make it happen, man. Whenever you can. Miracle Man. Miracle Man.”
The printout hit my desk with a thud, a single piece of paper with words from someone I don’t know that blew up my world. “What’s this?” “Consider it my resignation letter.”
No one ever took her seriously when she talked about her play. Day after day she dreamed up what she would write, adding sweet words and epic moments and dramatic stunts she was sure the world would never experience again.
His initial indifference to my situation shocked me, but I don’t blame Tim. He doesn’t know me. There was no baseline in his mind for what I should look like or how I should be acting. In his eyes, the limp in my walk could be a lifelong condition and thus one he doesn’t want […]
Tim never understood Sam’s obsession with boots. Tall boots, short boots, leather boots, boots with heels, and those fuzzy boots that people made fun of but yet still remained firmly entrenched in the annual rotation of society’s collective footwear collection.
“Stick ‘em up.” Kris nodded to the cashier with all the authority she could muster despite being only 28 percent sure of her plan. “Did you say sticky bun?” the young barista asked.
“So I have some interest in a venti, two-shot chestnut latte, but I have questions.” “Ok…”
Gary descended into the L’Enfant Plaza Metro station just after 7:00 a.m., escaping the cloudless, gradiant-sunrise sky that let any semblance of warmth escape into the atmosphere above. He rubbed his mitten-less hands together as a series of escalators carried him down to the platform at the bottom of the cavern carved out beneath Washington, […]
A blue horse dragon sits quietly in the night. Ten feet away, drops of Budweiser the same temperature as the hands that have been holding it for two hours spatter out onto my clothes and the ground around me as I toss the bottle in the air. I make it flip over once, then twice, […]
